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'Is it necessary to match kundlis before marriage?'

Last updated on: December 15, 2012 13:03 IST

'Is it necessary to match kundlis before marriage?'

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Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on December 13 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.


Love Guru says, Hi there everyone and welcome back to the Love Guru chat...let's get started.


golu asked, she doesnt say yes or no

Love Guru answers, For how long hasn't she given you a clear answer? Maybe she's confused, maybe she's buying time, or maybe she's just going along with it because she has no one else in her life at this point. The easiest way to sort this is ask her to come clear about whether it's a yes or no. She can't keep you hanging indefinitely like this.


SURBHI asked, WHENEVER I HAVE A CRUSH WITH SOMEONE I COME TO KNOW THE PERSON IS ALREADY ENGAGE HELP

Love Guru answers, Maybe you're always in a rush to develop a crush! I would suggest getting to know people better first, before judging whether you're attracted to them or not, instead of falling for them at the drop of a hat.


Joseph asked, Hi love guru. I was in a relationship with a girl for about 3.5 years But c got married 6 months back to a man of her family's choice and we broke up very abruptly.. i am still not over her inspite of knowing the fact that she will never ever return back to me.Please help me.

Love Guru answers, Hi Joseph. I'm sorry to hear of what happened to you and I can fully understand why you're not over her yet after everything that happened. All I can tell you is that time heals all wounds and you should make a conscious effort to move on with your life -- the sooner you do, the faster you'll be over it. If you don't, you'll remain hung up on this girl for a long, long time and ruin your own life in the bargain. Instead, see this as a new chapter in your life and do things that make you happy -- hang out with friends, take a holiday, whatever takes your mind off what happened. You make the effort, leave the rest to the passage of time. And if you're attracted to someone else, don't fight it -- dating again will also help to a large extent.


Paru asked, How to handle the situation when truely loving dear suddenly absconds without informing anything. Is it a love or lust or affectionate or anything else please explain?

Love Guru answers, From as little as you've told me, it would only be guesswork on my part. Can you please elaborate on exactly what's happened?


pooja.jain21 asked, My husband hates my parents.. i dont discuss this with him... but i cant love him anymore

Love Guru answers, If you don't discuss it, how do you expect to resolve the situation? And why does he dislike them so deeply?


Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.

Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh




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'My husband has made me cut off all ties with my parents'

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Sidd asked, Love Guru,whats the right age for a boy to marry?

Love Guru answers, There's no exact answer to that -- some men mature early and are ready for such a big commitment, others take longer. But in general, I would say anytime after the age of 25-26 is okay, although that can be too rushed for some individuals who need more time before settling down for good.


MANGLOO asked, Hi, I am in love with a married woman whose husband in turn, is in love with someone else. Is it legit to carry on this affair?

Love Guru answers, If they're both having affairs, what's the point of carrying on with their marriage? They should separate instead of living in such a toxic state of affairs. They'll both be happier. And then she'll be free to pursue her relationship with you.


vvspeaks asked, I'm in love with a girl 38 years younger to me..Do u see any future? Coz I don't see any..

Love Guru answers, No I'm sorry, I don't really either. Are you in a relationship with her or is she unaware of how you feel?


xyz asked, i work at a place whr thr r no girls..i have finished my college 3 years ago..have nt dated anyone since then..i m 25..right nw want a gf but there seems to be no way i can get 1 as after college girls have just vanished..what to do?

Love Guru answers, Don't you have a friend circle? Friends with wives who have single friends, maybe? If nothing else, you can try your luck on a dating site too -- just be careful if you do.


VVGiri asked, I have horrible boilsd on my face covering all the way up to my forehead. No girl even looks at me. Please tell em what to do!!

Love Guru answers, I'd say consult a qualified dermatologist first to help clear up your skin. More than girls avoiding you, I think you're suffering from lack of self-confidence because of this problem and that is a big turn-off to women, even more than blemished skin.


pooja.jain21 asked, my husband and my in laws were in my parents home for sometime before my delivery... my in laws kept pestering me and asking me to work all the time.. my parents could not see that.. and some talks developed.. my husband left even before my child was born.. for 2 months after that also he never came to see the child.. i came back to his house and now its been 2 years.. he does not allow me to go to my home or let my child visit them... i love him truely but cant forget what has happened

Love Guru answers, And you shouldn't. It was his parents' fault, ordering you around while you were pregnant, that too as guests in your own family's home. Stop being 'allowed' and 'not allowed', Pooja -- you're a grown woman. You don't have to listen to his orders, because he doesn't own you. Go ahead and do what you have to do, and if he threatens to leave you or isolate your child and you, I'd say you leave first! To hell with the man, whether you truly love him or not he's an absolutely worthless piece of scum. I can't imagine a father missing out on the first two months of his child's life because of an argument with his inlaws.





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'We like each other, but she wants to marry at the earliest'

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frty asked, I love a man a lot even he loves me but the problem is that he is very simple and shy by nature. I mean he does not know how to romance. Even I m not so bold to teach him. Is their anyway I can get romance in our relationship or should I let this thought go, as he loves me is more important for our relationship.

Love Guru answers, If you say you're not so bold as to teach him, how do you expect him to become bold enough to overcome this problem? You're exhibiting the same behaviour as him! Try and infuse romance into the relationship yourself and he will most likely follow your lead.


sunny asked, hey love guru is it true that if we try to avoid the girl a lil bit, she comes back for more attention....my fiance with whom i am supposed to get married,came to my home town from hers,we cannot marry in 2013...but she is hot n cold sometimes..sometimes talks a lot and sometimes not at all..i am confused

Love Guru answers, Don't try games or tactics to get what you want -- sometimes they work, sometimes they backfire bigtime. It seems like your fiance is quite a moody person, so talk to her about this issue. Ask her why she behaves the way she does and that it unsettles you, because you don't deserve to be treated like that for no valid reason.


Sidd asked, Love Guru,i like a girl who is 2 years elder to me.I told this to my parents and they said they would agree 4 marriage only if kundali matches.Is it necessary to match kundali?

Love Guru answers, Not in my opinion, but in your parents' it is. So even if I'm saying no, it's because I don't believe marriages should be fixed up by astrologers. I'd say the best way to get around this is maybe you and your girlfriend approach an astrologer first to find out how you match up. If there's some problem, you can ask for a way around it, so that when your parents get to the astrologer for the same reason, they won't have reason to be unhappy or apprehensive.


sandyha asked, Hello Love Guru i love a married woman she have one daughter I m also married. Many times I have proposed her but she is interested in only friendship.whenever i proposed she was not angry with me How can cony to her ?

Love Guru answers, You can't -- so stop pursuing her romantically, she's married to someone else. And so are you!


nayirs asked, I met one gal from d matrimony site. we met couple of times we both like each other but she want to marry at the earliest n i wanna some time. In this scenario wat to do?

Love Guru answers, If marrying early is more of a priority to her than the person she's marrying, I'd say let it go. Marriage is not a decision to be rushed into and you have the right idea -- ever heard of the saying 'marry in haste, repent at leisure'?


manisha asked, hey love guru,my husband doesnot like my parents due to some issues in the past, even my parents are not behaving properly with him. Inspite of my husband saying to my parents reasons why he is facing issues with them and there disrespect towards him.. still my parents doesnot behave with him properly... Please suggest how to solve this issue.. as i cannot say much to my parents... please advice

Love Guru answers, Then it's your parents' fault, Manisha. What do you mean you can't say much to them? They are your family, not his -- and it's your duty, if they are being unfair to your husband, to stand up for him and get them to see reason.




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'I can't get over the fact that she cheated on me'

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Juane asked, My friend Is a girl and has fallen madly in love with another girl .... Their connection is awesome .... What should they do as they can't be together due to society pressure

Love Guru answers, Sometimes you just have to ignore society's biased opinion. It's easier said than done, but I would say they should be true to themselves, as that's the only way to be truly happy. And those who don't stand by them are not worth their time and attention anyway -- those are not true friends.


AsiaPacific asked, 2 yrs since we broke up.. Still can't get over the fact that she cheated me. We were and are closest friends. I still like her. But still hurts. Don't know how to handle this.

Love Guru answers, What are you asking me, exactly? Do you want to get back with her, but this pain of her cheating is holding you back? Is that it? All I'll tell you is, sometimes people make mistakes. She probably regrets what happened more than you do. You have to learn to move on, build on trust again, leave the past where it belongs. If this girl makes you happy and you see yourself spending the rest of your life with her, you'll have to let this go -- keep the bigger picture in mind.


joe_e asked, I found my wife having an affair with other person, but she refused it and left home .We are almost agree for divorce but it is really painful. For coming back she is putting condition that she will not talk to my parents. What to do ?

Love Guru answers, Why doesn't she want to talk to your parents? What's the reason behind this condition of hers?


sunny asked, i asked her straight upfront...she said that she joined a new job with 6 days a week...its too cold in delhi now and that she also have a breathing problem lingering long....her mom will be operated in thier home town...i know all these are true....she says she will get over it soon and need sometime to get over the stress....she stays in a PG and gets less time after office to do the works....so i did not call her yesterday at all..and at night she send me a good-night sms..i replied her the same...

Love Guru answers, It certainly sounds like she is under a lot of stress. At this point, be supportive and understanding and don't keep bringing up your relationship as that will only add to her anxiety. This is a phase in her life that's tough, so be a shoulder to lean on and she'll love you even more for it.


amogh asked, hi.I am in love with my close friend.We used to be together all the time .We were so close to each other.She used to share with me everything.When i told her that I love her she did not respond.I thought she needs some time.I used to take care of her for every minute thing.One day I proposed her again.She rejected my proposal.I feel betrayed and I feel she used me and my position as Secretary in college.Now she tells me lets be friends.But i feel she back stabbed and treated me as option.I have stopped talking to her.I am not able to forget her.Please suggest.

Love Guru answers, You thought she needed some time -- she didn't say so. She probably thought that would be easier for you than her saying no, but you proposed again and she had to. Even if she was considering the decision, it's not something you really have a right to be angry about. She thought about it and decided you're better off as friends. So how is that a betrayal in any way? I just think that you're handling the rejection badly, like so many people do. Instead, be dignified and take it in your stride.


Love Guru says, That's all we have time for today, people -- till next week, goodbye and take care!





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