'I've suffered failure in love for the fifth time'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on December 6 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hi there everyone and welcome back to the Love Guru chat on rediff. Let's get started...
dumped asked, i am 22 yr male - have suffered failure 5th time - the girl says i am not confident enough to propose to her - what the hell does it mean
Love Guru answers, Have you ever declared your true feelings to her?
sallu asked, hi love guru pls advise me what i should do if my husband is domimnating for everything?
Love Guru answers, In order for one partner to be dominant, the other has to submit to the domination. And it seems to me that's what you're doing. Why don't you stand up for yourself and put your foot down about certain things? Why keep letting him have his own way? Explain to him that you're unhappy with his personality and unless he starts accomodating you and your opinion, the marriage won't work out.
Sati1 asked, Hey..I think I like this guy who is my closest friend and 2 years younger than me. What do I do? I am afraid of losing a good friend and I am unsure of his feelings.
Love Guru answers, You can tell him you're attracted to him -- take the risk if you want something more than friendship. If he is a true friend, even if he doesn't feel the same way for you he'll let you down gently and won't change his equation with you. Also, there are certain signs sometimes that you don't always notice when you're in such a situation. Does he call you on the phone often or are you the one who usually calls? Does he discuss his love life with you at length? What would his reaction be if someone mistook you two for a couple? The answers to all these questions should tell you whether he feels the same way about you.
sallu asked, love guru my sisterin law who is not married and stays with us elder to my husband is always putting poison in my mother in law mind which leads to bitterness. and thebn my husband going on their side and shouting at him or my children whaty to do?
Love Guru answers, You don't get along with your sister-in-law, obviously. And your mother-in-law by extension. You can try to sit down with the two of them and iron out your differences without getting into an argument, make a fresh start. If that doesn't work, I'd say you should move out of this joint family setting. And if your husband doesn't agree, you be the one to put your foot down for a change. Stand up to him.
bhavesh asked, i proposed my frnd on phone. she told that m doing wrong and i shud get involve in some hobbies.We did not talked after that for 5 months but now she talks with me as we used to talk before. should i try one more time...?
Love Guru answers, Bhavesh, she's not interested. The hobbies suggestion was quite a stupid one -- what have hobbies got to do with distracting one from romantic notions? Nothing. But the fact remains that she brushed you off and that means it's a no. So I would say don't try it again, unless you want to lose her as a friend. She doesn't seem the type who will move past it anyway -- the first time you did it she cut you off for five months.
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh
'She reads my mails, but doesn't respond -- is she interested?'
raghav asked, hi this is raghav here ...I love one person very much .she hasent been talkimng to me for over 2 yeasr now .but as late as oct 2012 i have been sending objectionable emails on her personal id .she has been reading and there is no negative response .which means she is in deep love and interested right
Love Guru answers, No, it doesn't mean she's interested at all. It means she's ignoring you. And you don't even know if she's reading your mails; for all you know she may have classified your ID as junk and what you write doesn't even reach her inbox. Two years is long enough to get the hint, Raghav -- she's not interested in you at all. So stop these desperate measures and move on.
sumu asked, i am 29 yrs old married woman. m in love with a man who is 20 yrs older than me. i just want to brake this relationship. but whenever i try i fail. what should i do to cut my all emotional ties with him. please suggest
Love Guru answers, You're failing because you're not trying hard enough. It's always hard to move on from a relationship where feelings are involved, even if it's an affair with someone outside your marriage. You have to be strong and stand by your decision. It will be hard at first, but with the passage of time -- a week, a month, a year -- you won't feel quite as weighed down by it anymore. And then one day it'll be history -- a part of your past that doesn't affect you anymore. In the meantime, take solace in your family and your husband. After all, aren't they the primary reason why you want to end this affair?
khushi asked, Hi Luv Guru. I am in a relationship with a 2 yr younger boy. We want to marry but his parents creating a problem and are not ready for our marriage bcoz of age difference. He loves me alot but dont want to hurt his parents as well. He said he will not marry to ny1. I dont know what to do as my family also pressurize me to get married. I am really confuse. Please helpme
Love Guru answers, Two years younger and so much of a fuss? I have to say his parents sound quite ridiculous to me. A two-year age gap is hardly one at all! He should stand up to his parents for their stupid reasoning and marry you anyway. And if he's unwilling, then I don't think you should give him much more consideration either -- a man like that will always side with his family over you.
sandy asked, Hi i am 32 male married man. not having child after 5 years of marriage. in love with my co employee. don't know what to do?
Love Guru answers, You may be in love with a colleague, but is she in love with you? And not having a child for five years doesn't entitle you to look for love elsewhere. For all you know, the problem may lie with you and not your wife. If you're having trouble conceiving, visit a medical professional -- that's hardly a reason to turn your back on your partner and start running after someone else.
Sati1 asked, We do not call each other.We stay connected through the online chats.He discusses almost everything with me.Do you think I better wait than risk my friendship ?
Love Guru answers, So I take it you've never met him? OR heard the sound of his voice? Do you even know what he looks like?
bipin asked, sir i was in relationship for 5 years, I loved her a lot and she also loved me with same feelings but her married got fixed after that I asked her that what we can do. I asked her to come with me so we can live our life easily as I am employed but she replied me my mother came first. I cannot go with you. Sir I just wanted to know then why these girls love some one as they already know their mother and father came first to the person whome they are going to love.
Love Guru answers, It's not just 'these girls', Bipin. It's also 'these boys'. Look at Khushi's question a little before you -- her boyfriend doesn't want to marry her without his parents' permission. And it's because she's two years older! Some people don't have it in them to stand up to their parents, so they take the easier way out of hurting their partners. But 'these partners' (you and Khushi) should realise that they are a second priority and hence it's better to just end the relationship.
'He backed out of marrying me without offering any explanation'
Saurav asked, Hi Friends I Am saurav.I need little help..When ever I meet any new girl after few days she thinks I am good friend & I can't be anything more.Please take me out of this.say some words
Love Guru answers, If you behave like a potential boyfriend and try to flirt with a girl you've met a few days ago, they're bound to say they want nothing more than friendship. Maybe if you stop trying so desperately and behave like nothing more than a friend, instead of harbouring secret intentions of romance towards every girl, one will entertain the idea of taking things a step further with you.
kshama asked, is it strange to fall in lov with a married person, given the fact tht he likes being cared
Love Guru answers, It's not strange, but it's to his advantage and your disadvantage. Of course he likes it -- he has his wife and family and on the side he has you to enjoy himself with, the best of both worlds! But if you're thinking that he'll eventually leave his wife for you, let me assure you that rarely happens. And counting on that is a big risk -- because the day this relationship ends, he will just go back to his family, but you'll be left alone and have invested so much of your time, your life and your emotions in a fruitless endeavour.
y asked, hi love guru few month before in June i got engaged and my marriage date fixed on 22 Jan 2013 but now the boy back out with out any reason and there is no my mistake he suddenly changed he denied for marriage even he don't feel regret what he had done to me what should i do he also accepted that he fell in love with me but now he totally denied... please suggest me he will come back or not... in future
Love Guru answers, Even if he comes back in future, I'd suggest giving him a swift kick in the rear and sending him packing! If he wanted to break off the wedding plans, fine -- but the least a decent person would do was explain truthfully why. His denials were to save his own skin and he comes across as quite a coward and worthless character. Thank your lucky stars you were saved from marrying him!
vikas asked, i know her from past 1.5 years. we use to talk on phone frequently. we both flirt with each other. she was showing interest in me. last month i proposed her. she knows that i am going to proposed her. she said no to me as she is from other cast and she don't want to go against parents. what to do now. we don't have any contact from that day
Love Guru answers, She's made her stand clear, Vikas. She doesn't want to get involved in a relationship her parents won't approve of -- and at least she's being outright honest, instead of saying yes, leading you on and then ending the relationship and hurting you because her parents won't approve.
khushi asked, Luv Guru but I can't leave him...I don't know what should I do???
Love Guru answers, If you don't leave him, Khushi, he'll certainly leave you -- he's already saying he won't go against his parents. Sit him down and ask him what he plans to do. If he's willing to consider taking a stand for you, fine. If not, how long do you want to put your life on hold?
Mallika asked, Hi I am 32 female working lady.My boy friend ditched me and joined another company. What i ll do ?
Love Guru answers, Don't waste your time pining for him, he's not worth it. And look on the bright side -- if he had ditched you and continued working in the same office, it would have made life much more difficult for you. Cut your losses and move on.
'I'm poor and my boyfriend is very wealthy'
karan asked, Hi LG. I m married 3 yrs & hav a daughter. Loved a gal b4 marriage bt she then nevr accepted me as already had a BF. After my mariage v met by chance in a family tour & bcome quite close. V started talkin & meetin frequelty bt I shocked dat she did'nt left his BF. I broke up wid her. After that time she or I seldom mailed each other. Now she says she love me. I m able to 4get her & I hate her so much also. Donno wat 2 do. Plz suggest
Love Guru answers, So Karan, let me get this straight. You were shocked that she was still with her boyfriend while dating you. But what about the fact that you, my dear friend, are also married and have a child! Stop blaming her when you're even more to blame in this situation! And I'd suggest that you focus on your family instead of chasing an ex-love who never even had the time of day for you until after you were married and had a child.
nosex asked, how to deal with people ..trying to slander my image in front of my in laws ...out of revenge and misunderstanding...i dont want to go and talk to them ..they are low lifes....and dont have morals..they were after my money too...
Love Guru answers, Explain your side of the story to your in-laws. I'm sure they'll be more inclined to believe you over what these 'people' have to say.
ram123 asked, hi love guru,how do i tell about my past to her? iam worried.. do i need to hide it or tell her frankly about my problems on the first date?
Love Guru answers, You don't have to lay your whole life open to anyone on a first date. See where the conversation leads, see how much she shares from her own past, take things slowly and as they come.
SMITA asked, I AM A VERY POOR GIRL LOVE RICH BOY HE TOO LOVE ME SHOULD WE PROCEED
Love Guru answers, I don't see why not. Having less money than him doesn't make you undeserving of his hand in marriage!
Lucky asked, I love a girl very much and she also loves me very much. But due some unavoidable circumstances we could not got married and now she is engaged. Now all the problems has been solved. I am asking her to break her engagement to marry me, she also wants to do so but fears to take any step due to her parents because she don't want to tarnish the imege of her family. Sir What should I do or her do ?
Love Guru answers, Tell her that a broken engagement will not tarnish the image of her family even half as much as if she gets married and continues an affair with you. Tell her to be brave, face up to it now and once you're both married it will have been just a small eventful chapter in your lives, instead of dictating the whole future course. If her parents are understanding, I'm sure they'll realise where their daughter's happiness lies.
Love Guru says, That's all we have time for today, folks! Till next week, goodbye and all the best!