Accept that your cousin cannot give you the same depth of emotion -- and that's not your failure, counsels rediffGURU Kanchan Rai.
Have you ever been in love with someone you knew you couldn't have?
When that someone is your cousin, the heartbreak becomes even more challenging.
rediffGURU Kanchan Rai, relationship coach and founder of Let Us Talk Foundation, explains how you can get over the pain by accepting failure and rejection gracefully.
Anonymous: I am a 48-year-old man and have always been in love with my younger brother (44 years old), who is actually my cousin.
He and I were best friends since childhood and I have been too much in love with him.
For the last 23 years, we have been apart (we fought) and I have avoided him completely.
He knew all about my feelings (letters/stalking/begging/crying), and that's why he distanced himself from me.
He came back after 23 years (only through WhatsApp chat) and again I started crying and became emotionally unstable.
My wife, my kids, and even I am surprised at how intense this is inside me.
He wants me only as a friend (not someone overly emotionally invested).
I have started writing emotional e-mails (once a month) which he never responds to.
How can I be a normal human being with him? Is it even possible?
I hate being like this. How can I let go?
It has been so long. What help do I need, if any?
For now, stop writing long emotional messages or expecting replies.
Each unanswered note reopens your wound.
Accept that he cannot give you the same depth of emotion -- and that's not your failure.
Instead, write those letters privately, for yourself; not to send, but to release your emotions.
Gradually, you'll start to reclaim power over your emotions instead of being ruled by them.
Also, don't judge yourself harshly. You are not 'abnormal.'
You loved deeply and that love didn't find a home; that's grief, not madness.
Healing will come not by cutting him off completely but by building a new emotional foundation where his existence doesn't destabilise you.
Yes, it is possible to live peacefully, but it will take time, patience and professional support to help you untangle 30 years of suppressed emotion. You deserve that healing.
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