Advertisement

Help
You are here: Rediff Home » India » News » Photos
Search:  Rediff.com The Web
  Email this Page  |   Write to us

Back | More

'Arranged marriages can teach us a great deal'

June 26, 2008
Is it not possible that someone who has gone through an arranged marriage may put up with abuse and exploitation because the person is afraid that leaving the marriage could hurt the people who arranged it?

With the interviews that I conducted, I very much acknowledge that the women that I spoke with were a self-selecting group -- those that had had positive experiences were the ones who were also willing to speak with me.

But surely there are men and women who suffer in arranged marriages...

I am very aware that there are many dark stories to forced and arranged marriages and am keen to clarify that my book does not seek to either defend or promote the institution of arranged marriages, but looks at the cultural landscape of arranged marriages to see what lessons can be taken from it. However, I do believe that the cultural expectations and community taboos that do accompany many people that have arranged marriages could be what could cause them to remain in a marriage that is harmful whether emotionally or physically. Abuse against women is one of the most serious issues that we continue to face as a society and something that I strongly believe we all need to work as a community to prevent.

What mistakes can people make while agreeing to an arranged marriage?

Agreeing but not really being personally or emotionally ready and maybe relying too much on parents that don't really know their children fully for whatever reason.

What are your thoughts on refraining from sex before marriage?

I think it's a very personal decision that everyone needs to make for themselves.

How many people did you interview for this book?

I interviewed during the course of five years over 300 women in the United Kingdom, America and Canada who had arranged marriages. I have also written extensively on arranged marriage for British publications including the Daily Mail before publishing this book.

Were there non-Asians among the people you interviewed?

Most of the women were of South Asian origin and they belonged to different backgrounds and religions. But there were also Jews from the Middle East, and Chinese women.

Why didn't you interview men for this book?

I should have. May be for the next book or a new set of articles on arranged marriages.

Did you have an arranged marriage?

No but I met my future husband through a friend. I think we met just about seven times before we were married.

Why didn't you go for an arranged marriage?

It just happened that I would decide on my own. Come to think of it, my parents -- my father is from Punjab and my mother from Rajasthan -- would not have been very helpful as they do not know many people in our communities.

Did you have a list of musts for a future husband?

My husband is a Bengali and he met most of the important criteria I had on my list. Among them was one about a well travelled person. I have lived in several parts of the world including London, and I wanted to marry someone who has not only travelled but who also had an open mind. Besides, I wanted someone who was politically conscious, as I am, and was a liberal.

Also read: Special: India's most wanted
Back | More

© 2007 Rediff.com India Limited. All Rights Reserved.Disclaimer | Feedback