'You Can Share A Bed And Still Not Share Your Fears'

India today is 'socially overstimulated and emotionally undernourished.'

We live in a world buzzing with notifications, group chats, DMs and endless visibility, yet people are lonelier than ever.

According to Psychologist Arouba Kabir, founder of Enso Wellness, the loneliness epidemic isn't happening despite constant connection; it's happening because of the kind of connection we are getting.

"Connection is not the same as contact," she explains to Rishika Shah/Rediff. India today, she says, is "socially overstimulated but emotionally undernourished."

People know more people than ever, online and offline, and yet they don't feel understood, aligned, validated or truly seen. Whether you're sitting with roommates, scrolling through Instagram or living in a city of millions, the emotional gap is widening.

Kabir talks about how loneliness is exploding and how to realistically reconnect with others and with yourself.

'Social media keeps you stimulated, not connected'

What is loneliness really?

Loneliness isn't the absence of people. It is the absence of emotional alignment and attunement.

You can be alone and happy. But loneliness is the perceived gap between the connection you need and the connection you experience.

People may invite you, talk to you, even show up for you. But if you don't feel understood, valued or emotionally safe, you'll still feel lonely.

How does social media contribute to loneliness?

Social media apps are designed to keep you hooked with their fonts, colours, screen light and infinite scroll. You're stimulated, not connected.

It creates visibility without validity. You might get 10,000 likes but your mind knows the truth: Most people simply tapped without understanding you.

And then there's comparison, someone's getting promoted, someone's having a baby, someone has the body or validation you want.

Comparison creates shame, guilt and sadness, which isolates us. Shame tells you: Don't talk, don't share, no one will understand you.

And in Indian culture, comparison is deep-rooted. We've faced comparison since childhood.

'Intimacy needs slowness, eye contact...'

Is digital connection reducing our intimacy?

Intimacy was already low; that's why people run toward digital connections.

But digital spaces reward speed and reaction. Intimacy needs slowness, eye contact, patience, silence, imperfection.

You can't build depth when your brain is conditioned to seek instant gratification.

How does doom-scrolling affect the brain?

Doom-scrolling activates the dopamine reward loop.

You get small, constant highs that make your brain prefer quick rewards over emotional effort.

Someone told me, "Everything in the city is convenient. We have Blinkit, work from home, instant travel bookings. All I need to do is make money." And then they wondered why they have constant anxiety.

The nervous system is overstimulated and unregulated.

'People don't get the time or the consistency to form real bonds'

Can 'having too many options' also cause loneliness?

Absolutely.

When stimulation becomes too much, the nervous system shuts down.

Today we have too many notifications, too many opinions, too much noise. There's no accountability. If one person doesn't talk to you, you can immediately move on to someone else. That reduces depth.

People aren't antisocial, they're overstimulated and dysregulated. They were never taught emotional regulation.

How does urban living worsen loneliness?

We live in a world where everything is possible, but also replaceable. That's the problem.

Community needs repetition... meeting the same people and slowly building trust. But, in cities, replaceability is high and repetition is low.

People don't get the time or the consistency to form real bonds.

What does chronic loneliness do to mental health?

It increases emotional dysregulation, depression, anxiety, cortisol levels and addiction risks.

Your body reads loneliness as a threat because, evolutionarily, humans survived in tribes. Isolation feels like danger. And when threat stays long enough, it impacts physical health causing inflammation, hormonal issues, PCOS/PCOD in some cases.

People don't die from emotional pain when they process it. They suffer when they suppress it.

'Without emotional safety, you feel alone even next to your partner'

Are young adults facing loneliness differently than previous generations?

Yes, but it's two-sided.

Young adults are hyperconnected socially but underskilled emotionally. They have more exposure, more options and less tolerance for discomfort.

But there is also more awareness. Gen Z sets boundaries; they are willing to work on themselves as long as there is an emotional reward.

Why are so many people struggling to find partners today? Does hookup culture play a role?

It's less about hookup culture and more about what people have gone through in their past.

People come into relationships with unhealed childhood patterns, rigid family expectations and poor emotional regulation. Two different emotional worlds collide and, without regulation, connection breaks down.

People also struggle to find partners when their minds haven’t upgraded while the world has.

Why do people feel lonely inside relationships and marriages?

Because contact is not connection and proximity is not intimacy.

You can share a bed and still not share your fears.

There's judgment, criticism, emotional weaponising. Vulnerabilities shared one night get thrown back the next day. That destroys emotional safety.

And without emotional safety, you feel alone even next to your partner.

'Have one reliable person you can turn to'

What practical steps can someone take if they feel lonely but don’t know where to start?

Learn meditation. It helps process unresolved emotions.

Have one reliable person you can turn to, you don’t need many.

Do offline activities. Repetition builds connection.

Put a timer on social media.

Every day, write down one honest thing you did, something rooted in integrity.

And stop running from emotions.

Ask yourself: What am I feeling? Where is it in my body? When did I first feel this? What does my younger self need to hear?

You might realise you're carrying a seven-year-old’s hurt at 25.

How to build meaningful connections in an instant gratification world?

Reduce your inner critic. If you constantly judge yourself, you’ll judge others too, and you'll stay disconnected.

If you don't accept people, people won't accept you.

Show vulnerability. Accept differences. Be patient. I've lived in Delhi, Bangalore, multiple cities... I never felt lonely because I made the effort to accept people first.

'Normalise emotional conversations'

What can communities, workplaces and families do to reduce loneliness?

Create emotional safety. Normalise emotional conversations.

In my home, after dinner, we share one small emotional thing every day. It builds safety and belonging.

Workplaces need intergenerational and intercultural dialogue. With India’s diversity, understanding is essential, not judgment.

Belonging has to be built.

Will loneliness become a bigger crisis in the coming years?

I'm an optimistic person.

Yes, loneliness is already an epidemic but now people are addressing it; they are talking about mental health being a crisis. That gives me hope.

Even my patients who use AI for therapy come to me once a week for validation because humans need humans.

Human connection is wired into us. And that wiring will not change.