All parents are protective of their children, says rediffGURU Shalini Singh, founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians.
When you are in love and introduce your partner to your parents, the first reaction usually is: 'Where is she/he from? What do they do?'
If you were to tell them they belong to a different caste or community, you can expect some resistance.
As elders, they may even strongly suggest you to reconsider your options.
Over the course of time, either your parents or your partner may turn bitter while you patiently wait for your parents to accept them as a part of your family.
rediffGURU Shalini Singh, founder of andwemet, an online matchmaking service for urban Indians, suggests how you can deal with the emotional challenge of being caught between the two people you love the most.
Anonymous: Hi, I have been in a long-distance relationship for six months, and I have known my boyfriend for 10 months.
He is a very understanding, caring, and honest person.
He has already told everything about us to his parents, and his parents agreed.
We both are financially independent.
I told my parents about my relationship, and they are against it because my boyfriend is from a lower caste, a different region, and has not done his degree from a reputed college but from a local engineering college.
They are also concerned because of his status. They are thinking about relatives and society -- what people will say, (how it will affect) their pride, their status, and that all the respect they have earned until now will vanish because of my decision.
My parents are very protective of me. They have given me everything, and they like me a lot.
They are saying it's a long-distance relationship, and that I might have met him only 15 times; that I don't see this person every day to judge his character.
If I had known this person for at least two to three years, and met him daily, it would be different. But the person I've met has been honest from the start.
My parents are hurting daily because of my decision. I can't go against them and be happy.
It is wonderful you have met someone special, and in the last 10 months you have met him 15 times, which averages to meeting him 1.5 times a month.
Is it possible to increase this and meet every second weekend?
Can you both travel once?
Parents are parents. They worry.
All parents are protective of their children, just like yours.
But if they are declining you because of (your partner's) caste, etc., then please question them by asking them to give you an assurance that if they marry you to someone of their choice, things will work out.
In reality, there can be no assurance given for any relationship -- whether found by you or introduced by parents -- because relationships need work by both. Both need to grow up, and both of you need to be happy individuals for a relationship to work.
And if colleges were the deciding factor, then we would not see divorces among those who married within the same caste or who studied at Stanford, MIT, the IITs, the IIMs or INSEAD etc.
I suggest you do the following before making a decision:
All the best.
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