'In a marriage, respect doesn't come from adjusting more. It comes when the other person realises you won't keep accepting less,' says rediffGURU Kanchan Rai, mind coach and founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation.
In many relationships, women are often expected to make changes in their routines and lifestyles to accommodate family expectations or their partner's needs.
Most often, parents and elders justify the behaviour saying it leads to harmony and peace in a family.
While small sacrifices may be a part and parcel of every relationship, when women are constantly told to 'adjust' to keep the peace, they may be choosing 'convenience over fairness' points out rediffGURU Kanchan Rai, mind coach and founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation.
Over time, this may lead to women losing their sense of freedom and confidence.
- You can post your relationship-related questions for rediffGURU Kanchan Rai HERE
Ma'am, why do women always have to adjust in a marriage?
Why don't our parents ever accept that men can be at fault too?
Whenever I tell my mother or mother-in-law about something hurtful my husband said or did, she tells me to forgive and move on.
He never apologises or thinks he has done anything wrong.
My husband and I are married for 11 years but he never admits he has done anything wrong.
Isn't it disrespectful and unfair to ask a woman to adjust and ignore without listening to both sides of the story?
You're right. It's unfair. And it's exhausting.
Women are told to 'adjust' because it's easier for families to keep peace than to hold men accountable. Your mother and mother-in-law are not really judging right or wrong; they're choosing convenience over fairness.
But that doesn't make it correct.
If your husband never apologises, never reflects and you are always the one expected to move on, then this is not adjustment -- this is imbalance.
And the real issue is not your parents anymore.
It's that your husband has learned he doesn't have to take responsibility, because the system around him supports that.
You don't need to argue with your parents to prove your point.
You need to stop silently accepting a pattern that hurts you.
You don't have to fight.
But you also don't have to keep absorbing everything.
A simple shift you can do is instead of explaining again and again, just say calmly: 'This hurt me. I'm not okay with ignoring it.'
And then, don't rush to normalise things immediately.
In a marriage, respect doesn't come from adjusting more. It comes when the other person realises you won't keep accepting less.
- You can post your relationship-related questions for rediffGURU Kanchan Rai HERE
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