Is Your Fiance Avoiding You?

In a prospective arranged marriage, the bride-to-be feels that her groom is avoiding her. She turns to rediffGURU Dr Upneet Kaur for advice.

Getting married can be a life-altering decision.

But what if your partner doesn't meet your expectations?

How do you know when to compromise and when to consider it as a warning sign/red flag?

rediffGURU Dr Upneet Kaur, a marriage counsellor and therapist based in Amritsar, suggests that you can manage the situation by communicating your thoughts and expectations clearly while also trying to understand the other person's perspective.

• You can post your relationship-related questions to rediffGURU Dr Upneet Kaur HERE.

Anonymous: I am about to get engaged to an NRI boy in an arranged marriage setup.
My concern is that he hardly calls me (maybe once every 15 days) and doesn't even text me. He says he doesn't like texting.
And when I discussed with him that this bothers me, he said, 'You are expecting too much. We are not girlfriend-boyfriend. It's an arranged marriage. We just met once and things were finalised.'
His avoidant nature is bothering me.
Is it normal to call only two to three times in a month?
What should I do?

It is tough to manage long-distance relationships as communication is always a matter of concern.

It can be managed with good communication which you have mentioned is very limited in your case.

Sometimes, the factors that hamper communication could include managing different time zones, working hours, place of living and whether you are sharing an apartment with someone or not. All these should be taken into consideration.

If you feel that all these factors are manageable in this case and the only issue is that the person is not interested in talking, then it could be a matter of concern.

If you feel that he is being an avoidant partner, talk about this with your parents and share your opinion honestly.

You many need to rethink about continuing in this relationship.

I hope this solves your problem.

• You can post your relationship-related questions to rediffGURU Dr Upneet Kaur HERE.

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