Does Your Boyfriend's Mom Do This?

Your boyfriend should be able to draw boundaries and can ask his mother to stop being so controlling, counsels rediffGURU Dr Upneet Kaur.

'Who are you going out with?'

'Why are you like this?'

'In our homes/culture, we don't do this. I think you should do this instead.'

If you have to constantly deal with interfering comments like these from your elders, parents or in-laws, you are probably dealing with people who don't seem to respect your personal boundaries.

rediffGURU Dr Upneet Kaur, a therapist and relationship counsellor based in Amritsar, suggests how you can deal with relatives who like to interfere with your life.

Anonymous: My boyfriend's mom is very possessive.
Whenever we are together, she finds a reason to interrupt or call him away from me.
When we go out, she constantly checks on where he is, what we are doing and how long we will be together.
I feel like there is too much interference.
He is 31, I am 27. We are both financially independent. But there is no space for us to build our relationship without his mom being involved in our lives.
I understand her concern as a mother but this level of control makes me feel invisible and sidelined.
I'm worried about how this will affect our relationship if we continue and take it into the future.

We live in a country where it is considered very normal to interfere in each other's lives. Be it siblings, children or anyone.

So, as per our society, this behaviour is very normal on the part of your boyfriend's mother.

On the other hand, in this era, this generation is somewhat more independent and doesn't like interference.

If your boyfriend's mother is interfering too much, your boyfriend should also feel this. He should be able to draw boundaries and can ask his mother to stop being so controlling.

You may not directly say this to your boyfriend but you can talk to him about this in a very polite and convincing manner so that he can take care of the matter.

If you think he is defensive and feels that his mother's behaviour is okay, you need to discuss and convince him about your need for privacy.

If you want to take this relationship further, then you must correct these things beforehand.

I hope this solves your problem.

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