'Holding onto the past will bring you nothing. Your pain and problems will only increase,' advises rediffGURU Dr Upneet Kaur.
It's not uncommon for someone to have a serious relationship before marriage.
However, if the person comes clean after marriage, would it be fair to hold the situation against him/her?
Initially, it may seem difficult to put someone's past behind.
Here,rediffGURU Dr Upneet Kaur, a therapist and relationship counsellor based in Amritsar, explains how to forget the past and move forward with mutual trust and understanding.
- You can post your relationship-related questions for rediffGURU Dr Upneet Kaur HERE.
SP: I am 42 years old and have been married for 15 years.
My spouse cheated on me before our marriage.
She was in a relationship with another man at that time.
I had asked her about this guy, but she did not tell me anything.
On the second day of our marriage, I came to know that she had cheated me.
I completely broke down and told her not to live with me and to go back to her home.
But she said she didn't know how it happened, that she was very sorry for her mistake, and that she would never do it again in her life.
Now almost 15 years have passed, but I am still unable to forget what she did to me.
We have two kids. Since the day I warned her 15 years ago, she has listened to everything I say.
Whatever she wants to do, she always takes my permission. But still, I am unable to forget her past.
Whenever I think about her, I feel nervous, and it affects my work. What should I do?
Hello sir, I hope you are in good health.
Regarding your situation, I would like to say one thing.
Whatever your wife did happened before marriage, not after marriage, so it cannot be considered cheating.
She accepted her mistake and promised that she would not do it again, and she has kept her promise.
As you mentioned, she takes your permission wherever she goes and informs you about everything. She is doing all this only to regain your trust.
I think you should try to forget the past.
Holding onto the past will bring you nothing. Your pain and problems will only increase, not decrease.
Instead focus on your children, your family, and your career, and try to enjoy your life.
I hope this helps solve the problem.
Take care!
- You can post your relationship-related questions for rediffGURU Dr Upneet Kaur HERE.
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