'How Can I Help My Brother Get Over A Failed Marriage?'

'There is nothing much you can say to your brother that can magically make his feelings disappear; you have to let this run its course,' counsels rediffGURU Ravi Mittal, CEO of Quack Quack, an online dating Website and Rebounce, a matchmaking matrimony platform.

Break-ups. Divorce. Failed marriages.

They all hurt in different ways.

But watching someone you love go through the pain of separation or a failed relationship can hurt the most.

You desperately want to help.

But what if that person is in a state of denial?

rediffGURU Ravi Mittal, CEO of online dating website Quack Quack and Rebounce, a matchmaking matrimony platform, suggests how you can help someone get over a failed relationship without punishing them or making them feel more judged, guilty or ashamed.

• You can post your dating and relationship questions to rediffGURU Ravi Mittal HERE.

Anonymous: I am seeking your advice to help my brother move on after failed love/marriage.
My brother was in a relationship with a girl who is 14 years younger than him. They had been in love for more than 10 years.
The girl's family was aware of their relationship but our family was not.
After nearly 10 years, my brother informed us that he wanted to marry her. This came as a shock to our family.
Initially, we did not agree to the marriage. None of us in the family -- my parents, my sister, or I -- approved of his choice for several reasons.
For two years, we tried to convince him not to go ahead with the marriage. But he was firm in his decision.
Eventually, we accepted his choice and the marriage took place. However, after the marriage, they never stayed together even for a single day.
The girl left soon after for her exam preparation, which lasted about eight months.
Later, she expressed that she no longer wanted to live with him, saying she had lost all feelings for him and wanted a divorce.
My brother still loves her deeply and wants to live with her. He is even ready to accept all her conditions, including her wish to work. But the girl continues to reject him and insists on getting a divorce.
We are trying to convince my brother to accept the reality, let go of the past and start a new life. However, he remains emotionally attached to her and is unable to move on.
Our aged parents are deeply distressed as he is not listening to anyone's advice.
He is now 39 years old and we are worried that he is losing precious time and peace of mind.
Please suggest how we can help him overcome this difficult phase and begin a new chapter in his life.

I can understand how difficult it must be for you to see your loved one suffering like this.

I am very sorry that your brother is going through such a tough time. The best thing you can do is remain by his side.

Let him know that he has your love and support even at the most tough times. I am unsure of what you mean by 'her wish to work' because that should not require anyone’s permission but I am sure there’s more to the story.

There is nothing much you can say to him that can magically make his feelings disappear; you have to let this run its course.

Only he can get himself out of this. All you can do is subtly steer him towards the right direction.

Ask him hard hitting questions like: Do you want to force her to stay with you?

Even in that, show him kindness because he is already going through a lot.

I know how much it must be hurting you to see him this way but there’s only little family can do in these matters other than being there; that is actually everything at the end of the day.

• You can post your dating and relationship questions to rediffGURU Ravi Mittal HERE.

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