In Rediff's new series on modern marriages, young couples from across India discuss how they deal with differences of opinion, lifestyle preferences and personal choices.
*Megha was happy in her marriage until they had to shift to Dubai with her mother-in-law. Her relationship with her husband went on a downward spiral, she tells Rishika Shah/Rediff.
When I married *Karan, it didn't feel like a risk.
We were compatible, we understood each other and things just fell into place naturally. After our marriage, our home in Delhi worked well for me. We lived in the same building as his mother, just on different floors.
It gave me a sense of balance. I had my space, my routine and my independence. I was working; we had a cook and house help and life felt stable.
Then, about a year later, Karan got a job in Dubai. It felt like the next big step in our lives.
But along with that came a decision that changed everything. He wanted his mother to move with us. 'She'll be alone here,' he said.
I agreed, thinking we would figure it out. I didn't realise how much my life was about to change.
Moving to Dubai was overwhelming.
I was trying to settle into a new home while also looking for a job. Back in India, I had support and help at home that allowed me to focus on my career.
Here, everything fell on me. Cooking, cleaning, managing the house -- all of it.
We started looking for house help, hoping that would make things easier. But every time we found someone, my mother-in-law would refuse.
She was very particular. She wanted someone from the same religion and background, a Hindu. Anyone else was simply not acceptable. She was not okay with anyone from another religion or caste even entering our house, let alone living with us.
Because of this, weeks turned into months without any help and I was the one managing everything.
Karan was busy with work, which I understood. But I was struggling.
I barely had the time or energy to step out, let alone focus on finding a job in a foreign country. And the one thing I needed the most, emotional support, was missing.
Whenever Karan and I tried to spend time alone, it would lead to discomfort at home. If we stepped out without his mother, we would return to silence, visible disappointment.
She often spoke about how lonely she felt in Dubai. Back in India, she had her own life but here, every time we went out without her, she felt abandoned.
Slowly, we stopped making plans on our own. Every outing included her. There was no personal space left in our marriage.
At first, I told myself this was just an adjustment phase. But it didn't get better.
I felt constantly overwhelmed, physically and emotionally. I wasn't working, I had no independence and I felt like I had no say in my own life.
What hurt the most was that Karan didn't step in. He didn't want to upset his mother. But, by doing that, he was overlooking everything I was going through.
Over time, it started affecting my mental health. I felt anxious, drained and completely stuck.
Eventually, I realised I couldn't continue like this so I came back to India.
Right now, we are living in two different countries. I'm staying with my parents in India, trying to rebuild some sense of normalcy. Karan is still in Dubai.
We haven't filed for divorce but we are also not living like a married couple anymore. We are still trying to understand if this can work.
Looking back, I don't think moving abroad was the problem. It was the lack of conversations before taking that step.
We didn't talk about boundaries, we didn't discuss how responsibilities would be divided and we didn't think about what living together with his mother, in a completely new environment, would actually mean.
I've learnt that love and compatibility are not always enough. You also need clarity, communication and the ability to stand up for each other.
Because without that, even the strongest relationships can start to feel like a compromise you didn't sign up for.
*Names changed to protect privacy.
Dear Reader, would you like to share your relationship challenges with us? How is your marriage different from your parents’ marriage? What are the challenges that you are facing that they never did? And how do you deal with them? Do let us know if you would like to keep your name anonymous.
We hope this series will help other readers navigate their relationships.
Write to us at getahead@rediff.co.in (subject: Modern relationships).
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