In Rediff's series on modern marriages, couples from across India discuss how they deal with differences of opinion, lifestyle preferences and personal choices.
'The biggest difference between our marriage and that of our parents' generation is not simply that times have changed. It is that modern marriages require two people to continuously understand, support and adapt to each other while navigating a much more demanding world,' says Rahul Kulkarni.
Would you like to share your learnings from your marriage with us? Write to us at getahead@rediff.co.in (subject: Modern relationships).
My wife Kalpana and I worked in the same multinational company though we never worked together. I left the company in April 2004 and Kalpana joined it in June 2004. Even after leaving, I remained in touch with several of my former colleagues.
Our paths finally crossed at a friend's birthday party on October 2, 2005, at Hiranandani, Mumbai. That evening, Kalpana and I were introduced to each other for the first time.
We exchanged mobile numbers and gradually started talking. Those conversations slowly turned into friendship and friendship eventually blossomed into love. We discovered that we enjoyed each other's company and understood each other surprisingly well.
There was one obvious challenge -- we belonged to different castes.
Initially, we thought it might be difficult to convince our respective families. Fortunately, both sets of parents were understanding and supportive. They eventually agreed and we got married in December 2007.
'Our personalities are different -- and that worked'
We had been friends before getting married and I believe that friendship became one of the strongest foundations of our relationship.
There is an age difference of a little less than two years between us but that has never been significant. From the beginning, we have had excellent coordination and understanding despite the fact that our personalities are quite different.
I have always been extremely undisciplined and, even today, can be quite messy!
Kalpana, on the other hand, has always tried to bring some discipline into my life. She has patiently corrected me, guided me and helped me with practically every aspect of life.
'Our lives are very different from those of our parents'
When I look back at my childhood, I remember my parents having a relatively simple and uncomplicated life.
My father was a government servant, so he never had to worry about job security.
My parents were not highly educated and, considering the circumstances and expectations of their generation, they did not face the same kind of career pressure that couples face today.
They lived in a rented home for many years and eventually bought their own house.
Their aspirations were modest, their needs were simple and their lives were comparatively less complicated.
Our lives, in contrast, have been much more demanding but also much more exciting.
The biggest difference is perhaps the pace and pressure of modern life. Careers, financial responsibilities, professional competition and raising a child can all bring new responsibilities to a marriage.
'Kalpana's greatest contribution to our marriage'
Kalpana has played an important role in shaping our financial future. She inspired and encouraged me to purchase a home at an early stage of our lives. That decision proved to be extremely valuable and today, we have two homes that we have purchased over the years.
Looking back, I am grateful that she encouraged me to think about securing our future at a time when I might otherwise have delayed that decision.
When we were expecting our son, Shree, Kalpana made one of the biggest sacrifices of her life. She left her job and put her career on hold to take care of our child. She has continued to be at home, dedicating herself to Shree.
That decision was not easy, and I have always considered it one of the greatest contributions she has made to our family. While I continued with my professional responsibilities, Kalpana took responsibility for our home and our son.
There were times when my work required me to stay thousands of kilometres away from home for months. During those periods, managing the home and taking care of our son was entirely in Kalpana's hands. And she handled everything with tremendous patience and strength.
She has always stood by me mentally and emotionally.
She understands me, often even when I don't express what I am going through.
Her support has helped me face difficult phases of my career.
'We have always tried to understand each other'
What has helped us throughout our marriage is that we have always tried to understand each other rather than compete with each other.
We have grown together.
Our responsibilities have changed, our circumstances have changed and life has brought its share of pressures but our emotional bond has only become stronger.
Kalpana is not just my wife; she is my best friend, my strongest support system and the lifeline as far as my son and I are concerned. She is the person who has stood beside me through every difficult phase and has always put our family before herself.
Today, after all these years, I can honestly say that my feelings for her are the same as they were when we first met -- perhaps even stronger.
'What has changed is not our love but its depth'
Twenty-one years ago, we met almost by chance at a friend's birthday party. We exchanged phone numbers without knowing where that simple introduction would lead us.
Today, when I look back, I feel that it was one of the most important evenings of my life.
We started as strangers, became friends, fell in love and eventually became husband and wife.
Over the years, our love and emotional attachment towards each other have continued to grow.
No one has ever loved me the way Kalpana does, and I feel incredibly fortunate to have her as my life partner.
For me, the biggest difference between our marriage and that of our parents' generation is not simply that times have changed. It is that modern marriages require two people to continuously understand, support and adapt to each other while navigating a much more demanding world.
And I believe that is exactly what Kalpana and I have tried to do -- grow together, stand by each other and remain friends, even after becoming husband and wife.
Dear Reader, would you like to share your relationship challenges with us? How is your marriage is different from your parents' marriage? What are the challenges that you are facing that they never did? And how do you deal with them? We hope this series will help other readers navigate their relationships. Write to us at getahead@rediff.co.in (subject: Modern relationships). Do let us know if you would like us to keep your name anonymous; we will do so.
