In Rediff's new series on modern marriages, young couples from across India discuss how they deal with differences of opinion, lifestyle preferences and personal choices.
Here, *Nisha from Mumbai tells Rishika Shah/Rediff how her husband's idea of an 'open relationship' ended up destroying their eight-year marriage.
*Sameer and I had what most people would call a successful arranged marriage.
We met through family friends in our late twenties. He was funny, ambitious and easy to talk to. I liked how calm he seemed and he said he admired how grounded and caring I was.
Within months, we got married.
For a long time, life moved the way most Indian marriages do. We built careers, bought a home, had two children and slowly settled into routines that felt familiar and safe.
From the outside, we looked like a stable couple but somewhere during our eight years together, we stopped being partners.
The emotional distance...
Sameer had struggled with mental health issues for years.
At first, I tried to be supportive. I accompanied him to appointments, managed things at home when he would emotionally shut down and constantly tried to hold the family together.
But, over time, the emotional burden became too heavy.
I was carrying the mental load of the entire household while also trying to emotionally support him.
I felt alone in my marriage and, eventually, that loneliness began affecting our physical relationship too.
The intimacy faded slowly.
To me, sex was never the main issue. The real problem was that I no longer felt emotionally connected to my husband.
'Maybe we should see other people'
Instead of talking about why we had drifted apart, Sameer became fixated on our lack of intimacy.
One evening, he suggested something that completely blindsided me -- an open marriage.
He genuinely believed that sleeping with other people would somehow remove the pressure from our relationship and help us reconnect.
I remember staring at him, wondering how we had reached this point. Because, to me, our marriage didn't need more people in it. It needed communication, therapy, and effort.
But Sameer was convinced this was the answer.
'I had already emotionally checked out'
By then, I was exhausted.
Years of emotional neglect had changed how I saw him. I didn't just feel disconnected; I felt emotionally numb around him, sometimes even repulsed.
As harsh as that sounds, I think many women silently reach that stage after they spend years feeling unseen.
You cannot emotionally abandon someone for years and then expect physical intimacy to remain untouched.
But Sameer couldn't understand that. To him, the lack of sex was the problem. To me, it was the symptom.
Reality didn't match the fantasy
The open marriage didn't go the way Sameer imagined.
He struggled to find women interested in him and the rejection deeply affected his confidence.
Instead of improving our marriage, it made him more frustrated and angry. Meanwhile, I realised something important.
I didn't want this anymore. I didn't want to stay in a marriage where my emotional needs were ignored while my husband searched for excitement elsewhere.
Eventually, we separated.
'The grass isn't greener'
After the split, Sameer went through a difficult phase.
The freedom he imagined wasn't fulfilling. Casual relationships didn't fix his loneliness.
A few months later, he started trying to reconcile. He admitted that the grass wasn't greener on the other side. But, by then, too much damage had already been done.
What hurt me the most wasn't even the open marriage suggestion; it was the fact that, even after eight years together, he still didn't understand what I had truly needed from him.
What I've learnt
People think marriages collapse because of one shocking decision but most marriages break slowly. Through years of emotional disconnect. Through unmet needs. Through silence.
Maybe things would have been different if we had gone to therapy earlier instead of looking for shortcuts.
But an open marriage didn't ruin our relationship; it simply exposed how broken it already was.
*Names changed to protect privacy.
Dear Reader, would you like to share your relationship challenges with us? How is your marriage different from your parents' marriage? What are the challenges that you are facing that they never did? And how do you deal with them? Do let us know if you would like to keep your name anonymous.
We hope this series will help other readers navigate their relationships.
Write to us at getahead@rediff.co.in (Subject: Modern relationships).
