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'I'm Married But Lied To Have A Boyfriend'

May 31, 2024 14:05 IST

'Here's a good man who loves you and treats you well and has forgiven your indiscretions and still you want someone else?
'Realistically, your relationship is unlikely to survive in the long run,' warns Love Guru.

Illustrations: Dominic Xavier/

Are you single, married, struggling to find love?

Or have you recently discovered that your long-time partner has been unfaithful to you? What can you do to save your relationship?

If you are facing relationship issues -- and if you are in a relationship, you're facing issues -- we have someone you can discuss them with freely.

Meet Rediff Love Guru, who won't mince words when telling you what the problem is and what you can do about it.

Anonymous: I am alone, 47 years, single mother.
I am single from the last 13 yrs. I am having intense (urge) of sex.
I also want to have sex. What to do. Please guide me. Sometimes it makes me restless. Please help.

What is stopping you from having sex?

Being a single mother is no reason to be celibate.

Look for a willing partner who's on the same page as you and willing to satisfy your needs.

Be careful, however, to be discreet around your child/ren unless it's a trusted man you're in a steady relationship with outside of the sex also.


Anonymous: I want to marry with my partner but he is not earning as much and I'm also earning.
Both of us started our careers in 2023. And my parents want that I should get married with someone and they are searching. I told my parents that I love someone.
He does not belong to my caste. But the main issue is my partner belongs to a nuclear family -- he lives with his mother and sister but there is no one else in his family.
My parents feel the boy is not earning a good salary and no one is there in his family; how will you be happy? I don't think so he is good for you.
My partner loves me so much. He waited for me for six years.
My question is that for getting married, does all this stuff matter?
My parents are asking so many questions. Should I convince to my parents or do you think what they are saying is right?

The salary is not a problem if he doesn't have misplaced ego about his wife earning more than him.

Some men are broad minded enough to even be proud of their wives earning more. Nor is caste; love has no fixed faith.

But this nuclear family business is a red flag; I would strictly advise not living under the same roof with his mother and sister. There is bound to be friction. Then relations sour and your marriage gets strained.

If he is willing to step out from under their shadow and live separately with you, and the money-making is not an issue for him, you're making the right choice of partner.

If either of the above is not realistic, I would suggest you stop trying to convince your parents and listen to what they have to say.


Anonymous: Hello madam, I am a 32 year married woman.
My husband loves me more than anything. He is good in everything, he takes care of me, he gets me whatever I want, he is very good in bed also.
We don't have kids because I never loved my husband.
Before marriage I had a boyfriend. He never accepted me and assured me that he will marry me so I decided to marry my husband in 2019.
Till October 2022, I used to communicate with my ex-boyfriend but when he got married, he stopped calling me.
I also stopped thinking about him.
Lately, in September 2023, I met a guy in my office. He is 23, a music teacher, not-so-good looking.
He has not completed his graduation. He is not financially strong, but I have developed feelings for him.
I lied to him and told him that I am not married to get close to him.

Once my husband caught me cheating with him over WhatsApp messages and told me to avoid.
I went ahead and continued my relationship with this young guy. I wanted to live with this guy.
I want to divorce my husband and live with this young guy.
My parents and family love and respect my husband like their own son. Am I doing the correct thing? Please suggest.

No, you certainly are not 'doing correct'!

Here's a good man who loves you and treats you well and has forgiven your indiscretions and still you want someone else?

You agreed to marry, right? No one put a gun to your head. Now honour that commitment and stop being so fickle-minded.

At 23, your boyfriend is really young and immature.

Right now you're all hot and heavy but give it a minute; realistically, your relationship is unlikely to survive in the long run. And you want to hurt your husband and walk out on your marriage for nothing... he's only ever treated you right.

Don't be a fool!

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