Wanting privacy about your relationship is a reasonable boundary, explains rediffGURU Ravi Mittal, CEO of the online dating web site Quack Quack and Rebounce, a matrimony platform.
After you enter into a committed relationship, friendships can be difficult to balance, especially when personal boundaries and expectations are not well defined.
While it is important to value friendships and the relationships you nurtured before getting married, it becomes equally important to respect the emotional boundaries, trust and privacy of your spouse.
Both friendship and marriage have their own space and should not infringe on each other, says rediffGURU Ravi Mittal, CEO of the online dating web site Quack Quack and Rebounce, a matrimony platform.
- You can post your relationship-related questions for rediffGURU Ravi Mittal HERE
Anonymous: My husband shares everything with his best friend.
I understand they are close but I am not comfortable when he shares private stuff and bedroom conversations.
Once, he was joking about something deeply private that I had only told my husband.
While I respect friendships, I am uncomfortable when there is no boundary between his friendship and our marriage.
The last time I mentioned this, he said his friendship is older than our marriage and that I am overthinking and creating unnecessary stress.
How do I talk to my husband about this without creating conflict?
You are not overthinking. Wanting privacy about your relationship is a reasonable boundary.
His friendship might be older than your marriage but your consent to share sensitive information involving you still applies.
Friendship and marriage are two different things and each has its own place.
The best solution to this situation is to have a conversation at the right time, in the right place and in the right way.
Pick a time when both of you are calm and relaxed. Frame the conversation around trust, not control.
If it sounds like you are asking him to choose marriage over friendship, he might get defensive. Instead, highlight your emotional safety instead of sounding accusatory or saying that he is making you feel a certain way.
Be specific about your boundaries. Bedroom talks are off-limits and personal insecurities should not be shared outside the marriage.
Everyone needs someone to vent to and talking to friends is okay but not when it makes your partner uncomfortable. Acknowledge that he needs someone to talk to but remain firm about your boundaries.
If he still brushes it off, let him know that joking about your private matters hurt you deeply.
If nothing else works, I really suggest marriage counselling. Sometimes people need to hear difficult things from others instead of their partner to understand their validity.
I hope this helps.
- You can post your relationship-related questions for rediffGURU Ravi Mittal HERE
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