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How to move out of a stressful relationship

Last updated on: April 21, 2021 13:46 IST

Do not sugar coat your relationships, see it for what it really is, advises psychologist and spiritual coach Modmonk Anshul.

How to move out of a stressful relationship

IMAGE: A scene from Thappad, posted only for representational purposes.

You are a loving spirit, and you deserve nothing but love.

When you become spiritually aware about this fact you start to realise your worth and your duty and relationship with self.

Some relationships take the best out of you leaving you feeling drained and tried all the time.

You are always worried about what the other is going to say, and what and how the other would react to you action and that itself stresses you out, these relationships are rather stressful.

In my years of experience, I have counselled many who are victims of stressful relationships and are so caught up in the vicious cycle that they do not see a way out instead play self-blame game, suffer low self-respect and eventually feel unworthy, lost and lonely.

This is because may mistake their addiction of someone for love.

It is rather common in the society we live in.

An average of 4 out of 10 would be in some kind of stressful and strained relationships that they can't let go of -- it can be present or the past, can be intimate, friendly, spouse or just work.

I have noticed people hold onto these relationships as they make them feel at home, comfortable -- the fear of being alone scares people so much that they rather be in a situation that drains them then stand up and face the uncomfortable situation of change they need to have.

Relationships are built on love, respect and trust and only those who are true to their own nature and being can be OK with the other.

Most people are lying to themselves and to cover their lie they create situations for others too, and feed on emotions of people who are more vulnerable than them, sucking all the energies like energy vampires.

When you feel you are in a relationship that is making you feel unworthy, stressed, tired and drained you need to move, but sometimes knowing that is not enough, many lack courage.

These are 5 tips you can use to move forward from unhealthy and stressful relationships:

1. Be honest with yourself

Being honest is a spiritual journey, you will know in your heart if you are with someone who is creating a chaos in your mind.

You need to be honest and accept this, how much ever you might like the person and how he or she make you feel other times.

You are the most important person, if you are unhappy you cannot keep anyone happy nor can someone make you happy.

Do not sugar coat your relationships, see it for what it really is.

Being true about your situation and acceptance will free your mind and heart of the pain and hurt you feel.

2. Draw your boundaries

You might really love someone or like someone, but you have to maintain a healthy boundary between you and everyone else.

It is the line of self-love, self-respect which when crossed will make you anxious, stressed and will give you a feeling of being trapped.

You need to draw a boundary for yourself; love unconditionally but keep your respect intact.

Understand loving someone does not mean owning them, love helps you become free and enhances your individuality whereas the act of love crushes boundaries making the other slave in any relationship, it is unhealthy.

3. Practice gratitude and forgiveness

This is again a huge aspect of spiritual growth, every person comes into your life for a reason.

Understand why a particular person entered your life and made you feel so emotionally tired, what is the lesson you have in it for your spiritual path?

Pay gratitude to the person for playing that important part and teaching you something which you otherwise wouldn’t have learnt on your own.

Once you do that practice forgiveness too, ask for forgiveness and forgive them for the hurts that have been caused knowingly or unknowingly across time and space, as you release them from your being.

Release them mentally as you cut the chords that hold you in the mental cage.

Most of the time the only way to free ourselves and allow ourselves to move forward is by letting something go in peace and with gratitude.

4. Emotional and spiritual healing help

Sometimes some hurts and relationship run very deep and have stayed in our consciousness for multiple lifetimes.

However hard you try they just keeping coming back like a yoyo in physical form or mental form emotionally troubling us and not letting us move forward.

You can get help from healers, or try different healing or meditative techniques to uncover the root cause of the stress and hurt in your relationship, so that you can heal and move forward to a healthier relationship; breaking the pattern of being in some sort of anxious and draining relationships with someone.

5. Channelise your energies

If you feel your mind keeps going back all the time, channelise your energy.

Let it be a guiding light to show you what other aspects of life you were missing out.

Make plans for what you would like to do with all the free time, how can you use this new found self-love and time for improving and bettering yourself in other areas of life.

Even when you have bouts of anger or pain, channelise that through breathing or music do not suppress it.

Modmonk Anshul is a business psychologist, spiritual coach, personality profiler and chartered marketer.
The TEDx speaker is the founder of SoulSchool that looks at the personal, professional and spiritual development of individuals.

MODMONK ANSHUL