How To Say No To A Clingy, Married Woman

'Let the other person know that you are in a happy marriage and you are not comfortable with her behaviour.'
'You have every right to say NO to all her demands,' says rediffGURU Ravi Mittal, CEO, Quack Quack, an online dating web site and Rebounce, a matrimony platform.

It doesn't take too long to get stuck into a bad relationship.

It may start off as harmless flirting or a conversation with a friend, neighbour or someone you randomly met.

Before you realise it, you may be staring at a relationship that makes you feel guilty and embarrassed.

If either or both of you are married, it's becomes even more awkward to acknowledge it.

rediffGURU Ravi Mittal counsels a married man about how he can say goodbye to the person and the relationship without hurting himself any more.

• You can post your relationship-related questions to rediffGURU Ravi Mittal HERE.

Pankaj: Dear Sir, I am a 45 year old working in the Gulf. She is also 45 years old, working in the banking sector.
We met through a matrimonial site in 2009.
We liked each other and decided to get married.
However, due to the arrogant way in which she and her mother spoke to my mother, which I did not like at all, I decided to step away before finalising the engagement.
I did not want to hurt anyone and this happened after about five months in February 2010.
I am against the idea of hurting anyone so I created a situation in which it appeared that she rejected me.
While meeting, we had both decided that even if we did not marry each other, we would remain friends in the future.
I got married in 2011, and she got married in 2012.
After our marriages, we became busy with our respective married lives and were not in contact for several years.
In the second half of 2019, we reconnected over phone and WhatsApp.
Once, she asked for a makeup box and some chocolates from the Gulf which I sent through courier.
Gradually, her demands increased -- mobile rechargers, sanitary pads, undergarments and sometimes cakes on birthdays for her, her two daughters, her late father and her mother (even though her mother lives in a different city). She also asked for gifts through Amazon, Flipkart, Zomato, Swiggy, etc.
One day, she told me that she wanted to marry me because there were physical quarrels with her husband and mother-in-law and she wanted a divorce due to domestic violence. I avoided this topic as I am happy with my married life.
Later, one day she had a problem with her Gmail. She was not receiving e-mails, so she shared her password with me.
While clearing promotional and unnecessary e-mails, I was shocked to see that she had saved WhatsApp chats indicating extramarital affairs with two office colleagues, one garage mechanic and one college friend, all spanning different years.
These chats were vulgar and included explicit words, along with planning and arrangements to meet at different locations.
That is when I understood why her husband was having physical quarrels with her. She had mentioned that her husband beat her and that both of them wanted a divorce.
I kept all this information confidential and never confronted her. I thought she would admit it herself one day but I am still waiting.
After 2021, all this stopped because I spoke to her seriously and made her realise what she was doing. She admitted her mistake and promised she would not go down the wrong path again. She said it happened unknowingly and that she went with the flow.
She pleaded with me for my love and wanted to marry me privately for her happiness.
She is currently in the process of divorce. She has been proposing marriage to me since 2021 but I have avoided it with various excuses.
Here's the main issue. Between 2021 and 2025, whenever I visited India, we met each other. I have a soft corner for her. I love her as we were each other's first love in 2009.
Every time I inform her that I am coming to India, she becomes very excited and tells me to come soon and marry her.
Each time, she also asks for one gift or another as mentioned earlier.
How can I get rid of this burden of excessive expenses? It has become difficult for me to manage my monthly finances.
As the saying goes, 'The snake has to be killed, and the stick should remain intact as well.'
Every time I tell her that it is not possible this month and maybe next month, but after two or three days she comes back with a new demand.
I am also afraid that if I break this relationship, she may again go down the wrong path especially as she is getting divorced.
Please give me some tips on how to reply to her so that I can stop these expenses from my side.

I just want to tell you one thing: Since you are married happily, it would be best if you limit your interactions with this woman.

She is consistently showing interest in marrying you, asking for an inappropriate amount of gifts and has demands from you like one has from their partner.

Everything seems a little off.

Also, it is not your responsibility to keep her from going in the wrong direction.

She is a grown adult and should be able to handle it herself.

The best decision is to distance yourself from her.

If you can't, you might want to still set some boundaries like telling her that you cannot continue speaking to her if she keeps telling you that she wants to marry you.

I am sure your wife also doesn't appreciate it.

Let her know that you are in a happy marriage and you are not comfortable with her behaviour.

Also, you have every right to say NO to all her demands.

I understand that you two have a friendship, but there should be boundaries even in that.

I hope this helps.

• You can post your relationship-related questions to rediffGURU Ravi Mittal HERE.

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