'You have to set new boundaries with your parents. This will be uncomfortable but necessary in the long run,' counsels rediffGURU Anu Krishna, mind coach and co-founder of Unfear Changemakers.
Do you struggle to set boundaries with your parents after marriage?
How do you maintain your relationship without neglecting their needs and expectations?
How do you balance your parents' expectations without compromising on your responsibilities towards your husband and family?
'You have to set new boundaries that will be uncomfortable but necessary in the long run,' counsels rediffGURU Anu Krishna, mind coach and co-founder of Unfear Changemakers.
- You can post your relationship-related questions for rediffGURU Anu Krishna HERE
Anonymous: My parents are being unreasonable after my marriage. They are 56 and 63 but they behave like kids.
After marriage, for every festival, my parents expect me to come home and spend time with them.
If I celebrate a festival with my husband or his family, they become upset and accuse me of forgetting my parents after marriage.
They also expect me to visit them frequently and feel hurt if I cannot meet their expectations.
I understand that they miss me and that it may be difficult for them to accept the changes that come after a daughter's marriage. However, I now have my own home, husband and responsibilities too.
I am pregnant and now the fight is about who does what and where I will stay after my pregnancy.
Whenever I try to explain this to them, they become emotional and say that I have changed since getting married.
I love my parents and don't want to hurt them but I also don't want to feel guilty every time I make plans with my husband or his family.
What should I do? Please help.
Dear Anonymous, a few parents forget that when their children marry, they will go ahead and set up their own families.
As they forget this, they also forget that, by making pressing demands, they have, somewhere along the way, started to emotionally drain their children.
Spending time with them cannot become a demand and, in your case, you are being guilt-tripped and made to choose between them and your family.
Mark your boundaries clearly. Show them love by spending time with them when you can. This means that you may have to rework the way things have been up until now!
If you are on a call with them, stick to casual conversations that do not give them a chance to complain. Keep the calls short.
Visit them on a day that you have pre-decided (maybe once or twice a month on a particular day, in case you are in the same city/town).
If they are in another city/town, try to visit around a festive time so that they also feel wanted and loved.
Stop explaining why you need to go to your in-laws' home.
Do you need to explain why you are visiting your parents to anyone? No, right?
Ultimately, this is almost like setting new boundaries that will be uncomfortable BUT necessary in the long run.
You need some peace of mind during your pregnancy and emotions must enable you rather than drain you. Take the help of your husband in case you need him to draw these boundaries as your parents may not start to question him.
Take charge of this NOW!
- You can post your relationship-related questions for rediffGURU Anu Krishna HERE
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