Becoming indifferent in a relationship or a marriage is the biggest sign of emotional distance, warns rediffGURU Ravi Mittal, CEO of online dating website Quack Quack and Rebounce, a matrimony platform.
There's a popular misconception that being in a relationship is enough to know a person.
And crossing the engagement and wedding stage means you have successfully crossed all hurdles.
Honestly, that's hardly the reality.
- You can ask rediffGURU Ravi Mittal your relationship related questions HERE
If you ask any couple, they would agree that most people reveal their truest selves only after the connection feels secure.
Usually, after commitment, whether it is marriage or a long-term relationship, when the chase is over and the initial excitement has passed, what remains is routine.
That's when people and expectations begin to change and hidden patterns slowly start showing up.
While expecting any relationship to be perfect is foolish, some imperfections deserve a closer look.
Whether you are in the dating phase or you have recently committed to someone, watch out for these red flags:
1. Your partner maintains a scorecard
Most couples in healthy relationships argue. But the ones in an unhealthy relationship keep a score.
If every conflict comes with a list of past mistakes and your partner constantly reminds you 'Remember you did this six months ago...,' you are trying to keep a tab on the past and everything that happened between you two instead of trying to solve the present issue.
The bigger focus here is not on today's fight but who is the worse partner.
In a healthy relationship, arguments should be focused on decoding and resolving conflict instead of an audit session of everything that ever went wrong.
2. There is a lack of curiosity
After a certain number of years, it is normal for couples to know almost everything about each other.
But that doesn't mean that you should stop being curious about each other's present lives.
Becoming indifferent in a relationship or a marriage is the biggest sign of emotional distance.
If either partner stops remembering the important things that once mattered, the lack of interest and curiosity will only widen the gap in the relationship.
3. You vs Me
In a marriage or in any committed relationship, it’s not 'You vs Me'.
You and your partner have to think and work like a team.
In healthy relationships, every important decision is made collectively, with mutual respect and consideration.
Before making any decision, the idea should be 'We want this' and not 'I want it this way'.
When your partner almost always prioritises their own interests over yours, you must treat it as a red flag.
4. There is no accountability
Once you are committed, some people assume that they ‘have’ the person they were chasing till now.
Suddenly, they stop caring as much. They put in less effort.
They do not apologise or take responsibility for their actions.
Promises are brushed aside with the assumption that the other person 'will get over it'.
Some people even become indifferent when their partner is emotionally hurt during an argument or by harsh words.
They assume everything will eventually be forgiven because it is a 'committed' relationship now.
But commitment should create emotional safety. It should not become permission to behave however you want and expect your partner to tolerate it simply for the sake of the relationship.
5. Lack of freedom and loss of individuality
Most couples feel like they lose their freedom and independence when they enter a committed relationship.
If you feel like you are losing your independence, it is a red flag.
It often starts slowly.
Your partner/relative may ask you: 'Do you really want to wear this?'
When you are about to step out, they may ask you: 'Why are you meeting them?'
At first, these may seem like small compromises made to keep the peace.
But, over time, those compromises can lead to the disappearance of hobbies, friendships and personal goals, and, in the end, your individuality.
Being in love should ideally extend your horizons, not shrink them.
- You can ask rediffGURU Ravi Mittal your relationship related questions HERE.
