If your husband isn't willing to stand by you during a temporary phase of physical distance while you pursue something valuable, then you're not the one breaking the marriage; he is, says rediffGURU Kanchan Rai, founder, Let Us Talk Foundation.
Is your husband acting differently post marriage?
Is he controlling or manipulating you?
Is he emotionally distant or standing in the way of your dreams and desires?
How do you deal with a partner who constantly disregards and disrespects you and your choices?
"In emotionally imbalanced relationships, one-sided sacrifices don't lead to healing; they lead to more control, more blame and more emotional exhaustion," explains rediffGURU Kanchan Rai, founder of the Let Us Talk Foundation.
Damini: Hello ma'am. My marriage took place in 2024. It's an arranged marriage.
In the initial days, he was very loving and caring.
Due to some circumstances, I decided to continue my studies and do MTech. I thought it was a golden opportunity, so I took admission and started living with my in-laws just after marriage.
He started listening to his mother and got manipulated.
It was really, really painful to live away from my husband in a new marriage.
Today's condition is that my first year of MTech is over; another one year is left. But due to the separation from my husband, our love has died.
Now there is no respect left for our relationship.
Seeing all this feels like death for me.
I want to leave MTech to save my relationship but my mother says don't leave.
Although I did lots of hard work for the first year of MTech, my husband wants me to quit MTech.
I feel very hurt when he disrespects me.
His father used to abuse his mother so, for him, abusing is normal. But I find it very hurtful.
Also, I am deeply in love with him and seeing him going away from me kills me from inside.
Every single day is very tough for me -- to live with in-laws without my husband in a new marriage plus to focus on studies.
Your instinct to save the marriage is understandable.
When you're in love with someone, the idea of losing them feels like losing yourself.
But let's pause and ask: What exactly are you saving? Is it the version of him from the early days who was loving and supportive? Or is it the man he is now -- disrespectful, distant, manipulative and asking you to give up your dreams for a marriage he's already neglecting?
You have already proven your strength by completing a year of MTech under such tough conditions.
That says a lot about your resilience and capability. If you give it up now, not only will you lose that part of yourself but it may not guarantee that your marriage improves.
Often, in emotionally imbalanced relationships, one-sided sacrifices don't lead to healing; they lead to more control, more blame and more emotional exhaustion.
Your husband needs to understand that love isn't proven by giving things up.
Love is shown through support, presence, patience and respect.
If he isn't willing to stand by you during a temporary phase of physical distance while you pursue something valuable, then you're not the one breaking the marriage; he is.
It's also clear that he has grown up in a home where abuse was normalised and that emotional damage might be affecting how he treats you now. That is not your fault and it is not your job to tolerate mistreatment in the name of saving a marriage.
Your mother is right to encourage you to finish your MTech, not just for your career but for your self-worth as well.
You deserve to be with someone who lifts you up, not someone who pulls you down every time you try to grow.
If there's still a chance to salvage this relationship, it has to start with real conversations -- honest, respectful, and possibly with the help of a counsellor or neutral third party. But that only works if both people are willing to put in the emotional effort.
Right now, I suggest you protect your mental and emotional well-being.
Prioritise your studies, build emotional support with friends or family who truly care about you and give yourself space to heal from this emotional chaos.
If your husband truly wants this marriage, he needs to come forward with maturity and respect, not demands.
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