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July 11, 2000
The culture of corruptionAshwin Mahesh
Weclome to the latest edition of the Not-Cricket news. Our diligent correspondents have learned that an intemperate Pakistani official has blurted out that there is a culture of corruption in cricket in India. Officials in the land of ancient purity and dharma are understandably astounded by this accusation; many are very angry. Nevertheless, they are vowing a dignified response to this charge and have implemented a number of schemes to assure the cricketing world that all is well with Indian cricket.
In a startling development, partisan outfits in the Indian subcontinent and elsewhere have established a separate Asian Cricket Confederacy, and are threatening to secede from the union. This news comes amidst charges of racism amongst cricket-playing nations with largely white populations, and of crookendess in the rest of the forecasting world. A vigorous debate on the merits of this new scheme is to be held at a luncheon in Madagascar, which will become Test cricket's newest entrant very soon, we are told. Jagmohan Dalmiya is the keynote speaker, dictation is available. Pakistan, meanwhile, is reportedly objecting to the use of the words "Indian subcontinent" to describe the Indian subcontinent.
Meanwhile, the errand-boy position recently vacant at the BCCI has been filled. The review committee thanks all seventeen thousand applicants, including the lone non-BCCI member. Secretary Lele was all smiles, beaming at the apparent willingness of selfless members to serve in this voluntary position. He spoke at a grand premiere to the latest blockbuster starring prominent BCCI figureheads, the audio-free version of a popular Hollywood film. The Silence of the Wolves is playing at a stadium near you; although admission is complimentary, a gratuity is suggested.
In other news, South Africa lost ten wickets for 62 runs in their latest on-field encounter, prompting at least a few raised eyebrows. Captain Pollock was earlier reported as being confident that the run of success established under Captain Rand will continue. South African sports minister Ngconde Balfour called the team on his cellphone to wish them well on their newest encounter. He also announced the appointment of a Queen Commission to determine if the King Commission report should be made public. Live Africa is threatening to sue once again.
That's our update from the cricketing world at this time, listeners, stay tuned and we'll bring you the news as it breaks. You can also watch the news on our constantly updated website [www.scandals.cricket.in]. This edition of the Not-Cricket news has been jointly brought to you commercial-free by the Asian Cricket Confederacy and the Hawala Chawla Corporation. Let the good times roll the dice.
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