According to The Time Travel Fund, 'Current scientific theory states that time travel may be possible, however the technology is a long way off. Now, assume it does become possible in say, 500 years… The concept is that one day, it may be possible for people living far in the future to retrieve you and bring you into the future.'

Let's counter that with an assumption of our own … If there are, say, two billion odd people living in India by 2500 AD, are we to assume they'd actually want to add us to their number? Would office-goers hanging perilously out of their trains want us to come in from their past and cramp them further?

The site has an answer to that: 'We pay them to bring you into the future.'

Going through the copious information on timetravelfund.com, the emphasis seems to be less on 'time travel' and more on 'fund'. The idea is in establishing a fund made up of contributions from everyone who wants a chance to travel through time. By mathematical logic -- and in the same way as Fry's money multiplied in Futurama -- this sum would reach gigantic proportions after hundreds of years and part of it will be used to retrieve you, possibly rejuvenate you medically and provide financially support for housing, food and education.

Of course, the people behind this concept take a portion of every $10 'to pay for overhead in running the Web site' among other things.

If you pay up, details of your name and address will be stored in their database. You can update the information and instruct your family to enter the time and place of your death.

You can also pay on behalf of deceased relatives who 'could be retrieved moments before their recorded death… and you meet them again in the future.'

People not allowed to be part of this scheme include 'Adolph Hitler or someone else evil like him'.

And, if future citizens ban time travel, the site claims that part of the fund will be used to pay lawyers from the future to try and change the laws.

With the fund currently 'semi-established', the site makes absolutely no guarantees that time travel will be possible or that you will be transported to the future: 'This is pure speculation, but it is a chance.'

So, what is uncertain is that you will travel far in time. What seems certain, however, is that the site will benefit from your contribution.

PhinisheD

Are you having a hard time completing your dissertation? Do you hate when relatives ask how far you've progressed and your answer is 'not far enough'?

Phinished.org could help you wrap up things. It builds an online community of people doing their dissertations and those who've already been through it all. The site has a clear-cut interface and extremely easy navigation. Discussion boards are its primary feature. So if you have doubts or fears, you can share them with people and even find suggestions and get that extra bit of support.

The Phorum Board seems to be the hub of activity, and is a good place to introduce yourself to others and get the feel of things. You can then use the Contract Generator to set clear goals for yourself. Next, make a note of them on the calendar.

The FAQ section has helpful topics like choosing a dissertation subject, it's ideal length, finishing touches, and so on.

Once you complete your thesis, you can get listed in the Hall of Phame, have your picture uploaded alongside those of other 'PhinisheD pholk' and use the Phinally PhinisheD board to discuss issues like finding jobs.

With all this help and support, you could soon be sending your thesis to the binders.

What's That Stuff?

What makes fireworks burst into multicoloured sparks? If you want to scratch beneath the surface of things we generally take for granted, you'll find many answers at this site. The firecrackers section explains that the glow of very hot solid particles causes orange hues; barium chloride produces green; strontium chloride produces red; and copper chloride produces blue.

The colour burning mixture for crackers is wetted and cut into 'flammable chunks known as stars--the colored dots that burst from a fireworks shell into the sky.'

Through personal anecdotes and scientific documentation, this site aims to show the vital role of chemicals in making these products what they are. So while we know that toothpaste helps curb tooth decay because it contains fluoride, this section tells us how fluoride works.

Many articles also examine historical details of relevance. Did you know, for instance, that even ancient Egyptians used lipstick? They made theirs from a plant dye along with iodine and bromine mannite: 'Little did the ancient Egyptians know that it was potentially poisonous--talk about the kiss of death!'

Things People Said

Culled from an exhaustive listing of inane warnings on product labels, are the following gems:

"Please keep out of children." -- On a butcher knife.

"Do not use orally after using rectally." -- In the instructions for an electric thermometer.

"Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage." -- On a portable stroller.

"Do not use for drying pets." -- In the manual for a microwave oven.

"Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you." -- On a motorcycle helmet-mounted rear-view mirror.

"Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old.

"Do not use while sleeping or unconscious." -- On a hand-held massaging device.

"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." -- On a child sized Superman costume.

"Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.

"Do not use orally." -- On a toilet bowl cleaning brush.