I haven't thought about death. Well, maybe I have, but not in great detail. Why should I, anyway? With allopathy, and a lot of luck, I ought to live for at least another couple of decades. I'm more of an exception though, because the majority seem to be obsessed with mortality.

Probably explains why Star Trek is so popular. The unknown frightens, yet strangely excites.

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Anyway, in an attempt to try and fit in with the mould, I paid a visit to TheSpark.com's Death Test. "Ever wonder how long you'll live?" it asked. I nodded, and filled out a questionnaire: funny, tongue-in-cheek, and long.

The result page told me I'd die (for want of a better word) on April 6, 2038 at the ripe old age of 61 years. For those who try the test and receive a date sometime next week, there's a word from the site creators: 'This test is only a toy. Keep that in mind, and don't come crying to us if you're not happy with the results.' Who's crying? 2038 suits me just fine.

If you really, and truly, are obsessed with death, I would suggest three options. One: Meet your friendly neighbourhood shrink and get a reality check. Two: Kill yourself so you can stop worrying. Three: Check out The End of Life, Death and Dying or Borrowed Time, all of which explore aspects of death using everything from advice and online forums, to resources, poetry, transcripts, and personal testimonies.

What if I'm almost dead, you ask? You could scout for good cemetery plots, or check out Final Thoughts, a free email service that lets you to share your final wishes and feelings with loved ones after you have, well, kicked the bucket.

You might also want a peek at The Epitaph Browser, for a collection you could use. My favourite is one for a certain John Starkwether of Wisconsin: 'Here is where friend Starkwether lies. Nobody laughs, nobody cries, Where he goes, how he fares, Nobody knows, nobody cares.'

Let's face it. Compared to the weirdo's out there, you and I are almost normal. How else can one explain the existence of gory pages like Cats As Trophies or Deathnet?

While the former juxtaposes images of cats accidentally road killed, with poetry, the latter is supposed to be a popular source for over 6000 pictures and AVI's of mutilated corpses, dead people, and more disgusting stuff related to disease and dismemberment.

Faces of Death has gruesome scenes from its many videos, World of Death has pictures of untimely deaths, and Live Suicide actually lets you download a live freeway suicide that was recorded on April 30, 1998!

Then there's the humorous side, when you least expect it. Ain't No Way To Go documents unusual endings like, for example, that of three people killed by a helicopter on a movie set, a garbage man who was accidentally flattened, and a farm labourer who drowned in a 50,000 gallon vat of manure.

Would you believe there's also an Official Darwin Awards Page too, commemorating those who 'improved our gene pool by removing themselves from it in really stupid ways'? Awardees include an intoxicated 45-year-old who was bitten on the tongue after placing his pet rattlesnake's head in his mouth in an attempt to calm it.

On a less serious note, Celebrity Decapitation lets you get your kicks by decapitating a popular celeb in creative and humorous ways, while R-I-P.com will cremate or bury a friend you for, online, of course. Its USP: "Our crematorium is efficient, cost effective and ozone friendly. There is always an empty grave or urn and open coffin waiting to be filled."

One has to agree with George Bernard Shaw, I suppose, and his belief that 'life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.' Which brings me to my thought for the day: Why not leave the dead in peace, and go party with the living instead? What say?

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