Mr Sunil Joshi, an old friend of mine, hates people.
Let me rephrase that. Mr Sunil Joshi, whom I consider to be an old friend of mine, hates people. He
hates me too, and keeps telling me how he would love to be dead.
Let me rephrase that, too. Mr Sunil Joshi, whom I consider to be an old friend of mine, is dead. He
decided the world wasn’t where he belonged, and left one Saturday afternoon to go look some place
else. All the doctors said was that he overdosed on sleeping pills.
The thing is that he, along with a growing bunch of like-minded men and women around the world,
belonged to a cult that insist on bringing death out of the closet and into the drawing room. Whether
it’s an obsession, or just that good old love of the morbid, death is slowly making a come back as a
hot topic of research, discussion, and even humour.
The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement, for example, exhorts everyone
to ‘live long and die out.’ It believes in phasing out the human race by voluntarily ceasing to breed,
thus allowing the Earth’s biosphere to return to good health. VHEMT (pronounced vehement)
answers all queries you may have on the subject, including: ‘If we only produce two children,
doesn’t that just replace ourselves?’, ‘I’m extra smart. Shouldn’t I pass on my genes?’ and,
everyone’s favourite, ‘Do we have to stop having sex?’
Some people take matters into their own hands. Ain’t No Way To Go throws up an assortment of ‘unusual endings’ -- news and magazine articles relating to the many
ways people have left our planet. Some have had it easy; others, anything but; and still others have
chosen ways that may actually have you smiling. Not for the faint-hearted, but the ‘News Nuggets’
section concentrates more on the funny side of things and is a lot more bearable.
You can expect articles like a recent one on how a Japanese self-slaughter manual entitled ‘The
Complete Manual of Suicide,’ has become a runaway hit with over 1.2 million copies sold. It
promises its readers "the peace of mind of knowing you can leave this troubled world whenever you
choose," and details ten methods of self-slaughter, comparing them in terms of pain, speed and
disfigurement. Fully illustrated, it also comes with recommendations about the best spots to die (in
Japan, of course), tips on avoiding detection, and even descriptions of celebrity suicides.
Good for those stranded in Tokyo with no money to come back home.
How Not To Commit Suicide is a little more serious; an
article on how to commit suicide simply because its writers believe that hiding such information is a
vicious taboo.
Why, you ask? Because as one of the contributors, Richard Baker, says, "The information people
need to know is how not to commit suicide. They think if they take an overdose of sleeping pills
they'll just go to sleep and never wake up. Instead they wake up choking on their own vomit, and
there's the emergency room and stomach pumping and brain damage, and it’s the opposite of relief
for their suffering."
That’s why.
Some people really try hard. And fail miserably. Luckily for us, Suicide Failures
documents a few of these ridiculous escapades. Like how a 46-year-old man called Alan Urwin made seven attempts to die and actually
failed them all. He survived three drug overdoses, then would an electric wire round his body, got
into a bath and plugged himself into the mains. All that happened though, was the fuse blew and he
suffered a minor electric shock.
The Natural Death Handbook goes a step
beyond, documenting near-death experiences, its after-effects, mysticism, and related
phenomenon.
If all this depressing stuff has got you into a tizzy, and God-forbid, you want to do a Sunil Joshi on
me, I suggest you try this page first, which tells you why you
shouldn’t go ahead with suicide. It’s got lots of useful resources and sites that also feature
therapists online.
Finally, you might want to take a look at the Dead Letter Office. It lets you write your last letter -- be it a will, complaint,
reasons for dying or whatever’s got you really pissed off at the moment -- and then send that letter
to any number of people via email. For tips, read random letters that readers have found to be
strongly emotional, from the saddest and funniest, to the angriest, most touching and insightful.
How many such documents does the site have at present? 86 and counting. You could be Number
Eighty-Seven.
Those who prefer partying to dying can check out Death Comics and find something to grin about.
The last word goes to jokes and quotes on death featuring gems like Woody Allen’s,
"It’s not that I’m afraid to die, I just don’t want to be there when it happens," and Winston Churchill’s
"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the ordeal of meeting me is
another matter."
I miss Sunil Joshi. But not enough to want to join him and leave my CD player behind.
Tell us what u think of this article
