For many, the Internet may be the buzzword of the last century, a household name, the line to everywhere and so on. For a larger section of society though, it is still as mystical as Shakespeare's Illyria. A number of people have yet to encounter the world wide web. And, amazing as it might seem, people who are adept at one thing, turn into complete children when they encounter the Internet for the first time.

Here are just a few examples...

A lazy Tuesday afternoon, post-lunch. The day the Gods decreed to introduce Meera Maheshwari to the Net. A content 60-year-old housewife, with grandkids who think nothing of studying grammar online, Meera was mystified about the phenomenon of doing everything 'online'. "You can actually buy things? And read books? Swap recipes? Discuss household problems?"

Yes, yes, yes, and yes.

The browser window that opened brought with it a whole new world of possibilities. www.women.com seemed the ideal place to start, and Meera tried a quiz to tell her what kind of a grandparent she was..."I score well, don't I?" she asked.

Surfing through the site was a memorable experience, till the program decided to shut down. Illegal operation. Meera jumped out of her skin with fright. "Illegal? Will the cops come now? What do we do?"

It took a lot to calm her down and explain that the 'illegal operation' had nothing to do with cops. After a tea-break, we resumed, only to have Meera shriek: "Virus! There's a virus!" it was the one word she was incredibly familiar with, having heard it being bandied about often. There, on the screen was a fleet of dedicated little caterpillars slowly chewing their way through a blanket of leaves...I had, in the course of events, neglected to enlighten her about screen-savers.

I went on to explain what they were, why they were used and why they made sense. Meera wanted to know exactly why there were caterpillars that weren't called viruses and viruses that had no form.

Anyway, what followed was an experimental session where we checked out all kinds of screen-savers. The one Meera liked best was the 3D pipes. "It's so intelligent! Actually works all by itself and creates a network of well-laid pipes. They should show this to the BMC, perhaps. I don't like the caterpillars. Ugly things," she said.

In a two-hour session, there was much she wanted to know and less about which she could be informed. Navigator: "What exactly does it navigate?" Cyberspace: "Where is that? The United States?" Hyperlink: "Why not just link? What is hyper about it?" Cursor: "What is the logic behind such a terrible name? Whom does it curse?" Mouse: "So, then, is the wire that runs out of it called the tail, rather than a wire?" Yahoo!: "Does Shammi Kapoor have anything to do with this? I believe he's a quite an Internet guru." The final words of wisdom... "I do believe the screen should be kept covered while one is sleeping." ?!?!

"Well, if you are connected...and people can see you..." On a computer that is switched off? "Where is it off? The clock keeps on running, doesn't it? There has to be a mechanism that makes it run..."

Varun Thakur is all of seven. His primary interest lies in cars and bikes, and he's also game to marry Sonali Bendre, simply because she owns a Mercedes. "She's OK, otherwise," says this choosy chap. Varun's dream is to visit a place where he can check out all possible models of the Mercedes-Benz ever made.

When he was told that it was possible to do so sitting at home in Mumbai, he steadfastly refused to believe it. "How can they put such a big car on such a small screen? This one is even smaller than my TV!" he scoffed.

Connectivity, however, can change the biggest of disbelievers. While we searched through a search engine to find the official site - there are so many sites dedicated to this company - Varun sat around, admiring the Donald Duck mouse pad.

Once there, however, he sat up when he saw his dream car - the Mercedes. "Too cool," he yelled. And one can actually change the colour, take it for an online test-drive (what will they think of next?!?) or compare it with the rest of the models available?

Next stop was the Ferrari Web site. Where Varun promptly went mad. He wanted to preserve all pictures, so he insisted we get a camera and click them. Once introduced to the concept of right-click and save, however, we can bet that poor hard disc is chock full of over a GB in high-resolution pictures. Now was the problem - how to take them to school and show them to all his buddies? "Can we give this to the Uncle at the photo studio? So he can make photographs of them?" Err...

The printouts didn't make Varun a happy man. "Chee! It looks so bad!" Thankfully, time was up for his two hours on the net. And Varun had to be dragged, kicking and screaming, back to books and homework. He agreed, but not before we promised him another session - after all, there were the BMW, Rolls-Royce and Chrysler-Daimler sites yet to be explored.

Dr Ravindra Kumar heard from his close pal Dr H C Shah that you could actually talk to people using the net. How was this possible, he wondered. Granted, there was a phone involved somewhere in the scheme of things, but still, how was it possible to pick up the phone, hear sixty kinds of static, and then have a conversation on screen?

It was this query that led him to try out the two-hour session online. And www.talkcity.com it was. A newcomer in the India-Bombay room, Ravindra didn't know the first thing about netiquette - so he started off with a "Hey! Bombay people! I'm here to explore." And before he could say 'chat', the screen was flooded with little boxes asking - "A/S/L?".

Upon learning what it meant, he was mystified as to why people might want to know such things. Gamely enough though, he went in as a 22-year-old nymphet from Bombay. The experience that followed was quite astonishing, to say the least. A certain gentleman called 'Steelyman' wanted to 'get hot'. And a certain 'Rainbowrider' wanted to know Godivaaa's (Ravindra's chosen nickname) vital stats.

How, one wondered, could a 40-year-old doctor identify with this, much less understand it? But Ravindra was a surprise package - he answered every query, refused to 'cyber' and was completely kicked when 'Rainbowrider' sent him a slightly distorted picture of Tom Cruise, claiming it was himself.

After a good hour, however, he was bored stiff of the 'silly chat line', as he preferred to call it. So, it was on to the websites on medicine. One site that caught his discerning eye was http://www.mindxpansion.com/ayurveda/aa.htm , which offers a software for diagnosis. It uses artificial intelligence software to examine people for early signs of disease and any indications of developing imbalance in the body, then describes steps to be taken to restore bodily balance. An easily laughable idea, feels the doctor, since Ayurveda is, perhaps, the only medicine which personalises and customises medicine to each individual. And here you have an automated way to determine your mind-body type which illuminates your basic nature. "Simply not possible," he says, with confidence, stating that Ayurveda as a form of treatment is as individualistic as a fingerprint.

He will, of course, learn soon that on the net nothing is impossible.

If you are as new to the net as any of these people are, take this tour

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