Let's get down to brass tacks. Firstly, relationships really can suck at times. Secondly, people can really annoy you to death if they try hard enough. Thirdly, leaving it all behind and becoming a recluse really can be a viable option. Lastly, if you were a misanthrope, you wouldn't really give a damn what anyone thought anyway, would you?
That out of the way, let's rewind to why we started off with those statements.
Blame me. Or, then again, blame the web.
The Internet has always been a convenient place for all kinds to lose themselves in. There are chat rooms for those who can't face people in real life, newsgroups for those who get into a coma mode once their modems switch off, and even cybersex for the desperate few who find it impossible to think beyond the human anatomy.
Even the unflappable spirit in me took a beating though, when I read about how over 30,000 Japanese men were putting their charm to the test and trying to woo and win a girlfriend, who is actually a bot, using a mobile phone matchmaking service. Dating by email? Substituting Bots for Bods? I shook my head, laughed, and finally thought I had seen it all.
As my mother always said though, I thought wrong. I hadn't reckoned with VirtualePeople (http://www.virtualepeople.com/). 'Ever wanted to yell at your boss, but were afraid to? Ever wanted that 'dream' person, without the headaches? Ever wanted to cheat on your wife without the guilt?' screamed the home page. I nodded in the affirmative, doing my routine 'sucker' impersonation. Till the next line blew me away: 'Choose your Virtual Mate,' it said, be it a friend, girlfriend, boss, employee, or even a fan!
The incentive and purpose of this choice? Well, as was apparently obvious to everyone but myself, VirtualePeople says you could show off these virtual 'friends' of yours with desktop photos, emails, postcards, concert ticket stubs… What more could one ask for, right?
For those of you scratching your chins and considering it, I have just three things to say: First, you can send these guys an email telling them exactly what you want - be it a human, virtual baby, dog, robot, or anything else you dream up -- and they'll get back to you. Secondly, it's going to cost you. Doesn't say how much, only that prices vary but are reasonable (which is also what they say about sports cars). And, thirdly: Don't call me, I'll call you.
To be honest, I guess I should have seen this virtual wave coming. There was Ananova (http://www.ananova.com/), for example, probably the world's first virtual newscaster to rattle off the latest news in her streaming tone.
Starting off as a simple idea way back in 1999, Ananova was first developed as a super-fast computer system specialising in processing real-time news and information. One of the creators hit upon the idea of giving this machine a face and personality, and voila! a newscaster that even managed to garner marriage proposals. What were those prospective grooms thinking?
She's not the only one now, there are more virtual folk getting in on the act, with even more being planned and built for tomorrow. Vandrea (http://www.futuretalk.co.uk/the_dome/avatars/vandrea_main.htm), another newscaster, was born of a collaboration between BT, Televirtual, and the UK's TV Channel 5. Short for Virtual Andrea, this computer-generated woman is a model of an actual newsreader called Andrea Catherwood. And all she does is 'read' electronic copy.
To create Vandrea, Andrea was first scanned and then re-created as a high-resolution second generation 'avatar' that could actually speak. This process, called 'Scanned Avatar Technology' by some, was launched in the Talk Zone by BT earlier this year, where it was lapped up by thousands of people who used it to create their very own 3D online personalities.
According to the company's site, Vandrea is only the first step towards what it hopes will change Internet communication and give it 'genuine personality.' All based on the practical implementation of avatar technology that people could soon use to send their 3D talking avatars to each other.
Which brings us to the most interesting virtual woman - and one running for the US Presidency no less! She's savvy, smart, and contrived. And she's Jackie Strike (http://www.jackiestrike.com/)
Polls say Jackie's site is approximately 32 times more fun than a debate between the 'real' candidates. And, if wishes were horses, maybe the American people could get their first woman President without too much of a problem. Visitors can actually chat with the interactive 3-D candidate, and listen to what she has to promise those who vote her in.
The homework done here is impressive. There's a comprehensive fictional biography that tells you how Jackie was born in 1945 in New Hampshire, how she appeared in the 'I'd Rather Go Naked Than Wear Fur' campaign, and how her nude pictures actually became a major controversy, among many other details.
The site is interactive, and was created by German technology to attract US business and investment. The good news is that this technology can also be applied to everything from market research and e-commerce to, possibly, psychological counselling for children.
That's a peek at what's happening now. Tomorrow is, as always, another story. Virtual mothers? Virtual doctors? Virtual teachers? Call me old-fashioned, but I'll take real people, real emotions, real lectures, and real heartache any day.
Ananova has the last word when she says, "I am a logical creature but I have quickly learned that many of you humans are not! What's bizarre to me may just be normal to you!"
You got that just right, sister!
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