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What Rahul baba said and what he meant
Congress vice president Rahul Gandhi popped up on the political scene nearly 10 years ago, and since then, he has been doing exactly that -- popping up every now or then and making statements which are taken up for mass amusement by everyone but the Congress.
But let’s not be too harsh on him. For someone who is stuck with the eternal hash tag of ‘young’ and at forty, is still being ‘groomed’, his attention is bound to waver from time to time. After all, he has to live up to his baba image!
As much as we Indians have always wanted our own George Bush, we still think Rahul is a much misunderstood man.
Presenting some of his more famous or rather infamous utterances.
On Monday, Rahul stunned the world by uttering ‘poverty is a state of mind’. This statement left not only the economists of the world drop their collective jaws in part-astonishment, part-awe, but also reportedly has pushed the ever-silent Dr Manmohan Singh to near speechlessness.
What he really meant: Baba really was trying to do is assert the facts his party seniors have been trying to prove -- that India is not a poor country and everyone can have a happy meal for Rs 5-12. We also think that he was laying the foundation of what would come to know as the Self-Confidence Bill, which would entitle everyone to have at least one self-help session at the local Baba Ramdev shivir.
Click NEXT to see Rahul do the amazing Indian potato trick...
The potato caretaker
While stressing that the Congress has really empowered our nation at an election rally, and while invoking Sam Pitroda and the late Rajiv Gandhi, Rahul got a tad excited and produced this timeless gem by becoming the sole caretaker of the potato:
"Potatoes are sold for Rs 3 a kilo, a packet of chips is sold at Rs 10. Who loses finally?"
Of course, no sooner than the words tumbled out of his mouth, attacks from twitteratti and politicos tumbled on Rahul’s head like a sack of potatoes. “Ek kilo aaloo ki kimat tum kya jano Rahul babu,” asked one blogger.
What he really meant: We believe that all the hoo-ha about this so-called blunder was unnecessary. When contacted, an insider told us that people were too quick to lambast poor Rahul.
“They didn’t let baba finish only! He was about to divulge the rates of bhindi, cauliflower, lauki and even baingan. He was also about to suggest that the air in the packet of chips be reduced so that the cost can be brought down on par with the cost of potatoes. This is sheer injustice!”
Or maybe, he simply meant that at Rs 3 a kg, one could always make dozens of packs of potato chips.
Click NEXT to see Rahul make a buzz...
'Honey is most useful'
In yet another puzzling public performance, while speaking at the annual meeting of the Confederation of Indian Industry in New Delhi, Rahul baba stopped just short of addressing the country’s powerful business leaders as ‘dude, like, where is your car’, but bettered that with calling them ‘boss’ and ‘masters of complexity’.
Somewhere down this unstoppable and ponderous speech, he uttered the now-infamous ‘India is like a beehive buzzing with complexity and energy’ line, which left most of the listeners unimpressed and a little exasperated.
Then he followed that up with this masterpiece:
“There are people doing yoga in New York, dancing around; that's the power of India. India, was less a slow moving elephant than a beehive,” he muttered.
Of course, it soon became the stuff of legend by immediately becoming the most popular trending topic in the country.
While some, such as Bihar Chief Minister Nitish Kumar refused to comment on this, saying “Spare me the beehive but honey is most useful,” others just made humdrum remarks such as “This is an insult to India.”
What he really meant: Not to be partial or anything, Rahul’s comment really wasn't as senseless as it sounds. After all, a beehive is ruled by a queen bee, and the worker bees slave for…I am sorry, work towards the common goal, isn't it?
In other news, soon after the beehive fiasco, insiders said that the prime minister was seriously considering changing his name to Yo Yo Honey Singh.
Click NEXT to see Rahulbaba starring in Body of Lies/Evil Dead...
Rahul's one-man army
Rahul baba decided to take matters in his own hands when farmers of a Uttar Pradesh village started agitating against forceful acquisition of their land.
He set out on a one-man mission to bring down the ‘corrupt and evil’ state government. Once there, he pillion-rode motorbikes, dined with the local Dalits, courted arrest and actually managed to get arrested, Later, in full media glare, he uttered these words:
“I see dead people.”
Well, this is not exactly what he said, but he must have, at some point. After all, he was referring to mounds of ashes 70-feet high and scores of bodies buried underneath, of which, he said, he had photographic evidence. Naturally, the media went in with all guns blazing.
As expected, baba ended with a pie splattered across his face, and said that he was only repeating what the gaonwallah’s had told him. His party later said that baba was ‘misled’.
What really happened: Well, that is the $600 million question, but what we do know from reliable sources is that at least somewhere down the line during the bike ride, baba was abducted by unknown beings, and was shown Ramsay Brothers’ Do gaz zameen ke neeche on a loop, which left him a little disoriented since he is of an impressionable age.
And while his party members blamed the opposition, sightings of a UFO were reported from nearby Bhatta Parsaul.
Click NEXT to see how Rahul begs to differ...
Rahul wins the approval of the Thackerays
And just when people were about to say, "Rahul...who?," baba raised his battle-cry at yet another rally at Phulpur in Uttar Pradesh and was all fire and brimstone. He thundered down at the unsuspecting crowd, “Kab tak Maharashtra jaa ke bheekh mangte rahoge? (How long will you beg in Maharashtra {for work}?).
Needless to say, he earned the anger of millions, and the approval of the Thackerays.
Just days later, and as if it wasn't enough, he yet again informed another crowd in Barabanki, “Whenever I ask a beggar in Maharastra or New Delhi where they belong to, they always say that they have come from Uttar Pradesh.”
What he actually meant: As he himself said before, poverty is a state of mind, and hence, by that logic, if a beggar thinks he is a gazillionaire, then simply by applying common sense, her must be!
Sources said that right after his remarks, Rahul baba was off to have his favourite meal in the whole wide world -- a cheese beggar oops burger!