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January 8, 2001
A Ganesh Nadar
If they can give awards for 1998 performances in 2000, I am sure there's nothing wrong in giving the 2000 awards in 2001, though it seems a millennium away.
Vajpayeeji talks about the temple at Ayodhya as that seems the most pressing problem in the country. For his perception of the national mood I hereby nominate him for 'The Mason of the Year Award.'
Bill Clinton came, saw, and conquered. He also charmed, but the sanctions remained. It was one big show with no substance. At least the other Bill -- Gates did something. So 'The Charlatan of the Year Award' is given to Clinton.
Jayalalitha and Laloo continue to charm the crowds, lash out at all and sundry for the slightest of slight. For sheer arrogance no one can beat them in spite of the numerous cases against them. They jointly share 'The Chori Aur Seena Jori Award.' The award includes some fodder and some sandals.
Many thought and proclaimed that he was dead. Others said he was decimated. Yet another said he was sick. But he rose like a Phoenix and hogged national and international limelight for all of 108 days. Must be the advertising coup of the year. So 'The Award for the Best Stunt of the Year' goes to Veerappan.
Ah! The cricketers -- Kapil Dev didn't and Prabhakar did. And Azhar, and Jadeja and... the names go on. Nothing deters our cricket loving public. A few scams here and there -- and everybody thought the game would suffer. But that did not happen. So cricket takes 'The Survivor of the Year Award.'
'The Sportsman of the Year Award' is given to Vishy Anand but I would have loved it more if he had beaten Kasparov not Shirov.
Karnam Malleshwari also made it. But I would have been happier if Marion Jones was born in India. But 'The Marion Jones Award' is hereby given to Malleshwari.
'The Award for the Master of Doublespeak' goes to none other than Computer Naidu, the CM of Andhra Pradesh. How he can run with the hares and hunt with the hounds. He is the best public relations officer the BJP has, followed closely by dear George.
'The Award for Fanatic of the Year' goes to RSS chief K Sudershan. Ashok Singhal and Vinay Katiyar were also in the running.
Since it's difficult to know whether Farooq Abdullah is the chief minister of Kashmir or the Indian ambassador to UK, he gets 'The Award for the Best Absentee Chief Minister.'
'The Award for the Most Sanctimonious Anti-National of the Year' goes to P Nedumaran. His problem is that he doesn't like the Congress. So instead of an anti-Congress stance, he prefers an anti-national stand. Still influenced by his former mentor Indira Gandhi, for him India is the Congress and the Congress is India.
And 'The Never say Die Award' goes to V P Singh. When the Raja of Manda is unable to walk, he is carried to meetings on a stretcher.
'The Award for High Hopes of the Year' goes to H D Deve Gowda. The humble farmer still dreams about the Third Front with of course, himself as its leader.
And finally, 'The Award for the Personification of Patience' goes to the Indian citizen. He watches stoically as politicians, bureaucrats and goons play havoc with his life. And in spite of dirty water, no food and hygiene he continues to reproduce taking India closer to the number one spot on the world population map.
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