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![[S-E-X Exposed]](20lead.gif)
Anita Bora
A search for this three-letter word will send you careening into a world of sleaze, smut and porn. But at the other end of the spectrum is a wealth of information, ranging from counselling, coaching, advice and therapy on all matters relating to sex.
The question is: Where do you look for it and whom should you believe? How do you really find useful information that could make a difference to your knowledge about matters relating to sexual health and education?
Rediff Guide to the Net put this question to several Indian and overseas experts. Their answer was unanimous: The Net can offer much more than XXX Web sites and sleaze. Combined with its convenience and anonymity, it is a treasure trove of information, provided you know where to look and sieve through what you find.
"People are still largely ignorant of matters relating to sex"
Dr Patricia Whelehan, professor and AIDS education coordinator at the State University of New York, and a therapist on sexualtherapy.com, says: "People tend not to have accurate information about their bodies. We don't have adequate sex education that is truly informative."
Closer home, Dr Poosha Darbha of sexualcounselling.com has been advising people for over 12 years through a 53-year-old sexology magazine in Telugu, and now through his Web site agrees that Indians are largely ignorant about sex.
According to Dr Alice Ladas, co-author of the book, 'The G-Spot and other Discoveries about Human Sexuality', 75% of people are unaware of matters relating to sexual health and counselling. An important focus area according to Chandrika Zimmerman, a counselor at the Human University in the Netherlands: "In general people are very unaware of the fact that a healthy sexuality and a fulfilling life is a possibility for them. I see the online medium reaching out to people far and wide."
Role of the online medium
Though all experts interviewed agreed that online counselling or advice cannot take the place of face-to-face sessions, they find it to be an effective medium mainly because of its convenience and anonymity.
Says Dr Whelehan, "Online counselling can provide a great deal of information and direct people to reliable, accurate sites." She herself uses email therapy to screen people and make referrals, but desists from engaging in extensive therapy online.
Since counselling is about providing information and helping clients utilise it in their own relationships, face-to-face counselling may not be necessary in some cases, according to Dr Konstance McCaffree, adjunct professor of the Human Sexuality Program at Widener University, who also works with the two sites, www.sxetc.org and sexualhealth.com.
Online advice can play a significant role in alleviating misconceptions about sex and help people solve simple problems by providing information in a reassuring way, besides encouraging help-seeking behaviour amongst readers, points out Dr Poosha. Most sites that offer advice and counselling are flooded with questions -- a sign that people are increasingly using this medium to ask for help.
Dr Ladas points out that the online medium can play a crucial role in areas or countries where face-to-face counselling not is available. It can also act as a source information and for quick consultation among the medical fraternity, adds Dr Peter Kanaris, New York based sex therapist and director of sexualhelpnet.com.
Dr Roz Van Meter, a professional counselor and American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) certified sex therapist is using different forms of online communication through her site sexualitycoach.com.
Her ebook sizzlingsexin30days.com is available for downloaded, and she also offers sexuality coaching via email. Clients can contact her via keen.com for online sessions. All this is available for a price lower than telephonic or in-office therapy.
The availability of a counselor at the click of the mouse can also have its downsides, as Dr Van Meter points out, "There are pornography seekers who want only online sex conversations to stimulate themselves. If I realise their agenda, I courteously explain that my professional ethics do not permit that kind of conversation, or cut off the phone."
Says Zimmerman, "It will never replace face-to-face, but it can be of great help to clear their mind, get in contact with new perspectives and also provide follow-up support after a session."
Separating the grain from the chaff
This is of course a dilemma that any person would be faced with when trying to get advice online. How genuine is the information? How does one distinguish the correct from the incorrect?
"Well, that's a million dollar question," says Dr Poosha also pointing out that devising universal rules to grade sites is difficult. "A number of sites claim to provide scientific information on sex. Also, sexuality behaviour is culture bound and while sites describing oral/ anal techniques may be considered helpful by some, the same may be viewed as pornographic to others."
Guidelines for taking advice online:
 Dr Konstance McCaffree had her students design criteria to evaluate Web sites. These are some of the questions you can ask when assessing a site:
- What is the purpose of the site?
- Does it cover a particular area comprehensively?
- Is the site full of links to others or does it have original content?
- What is the reputation and expertise of individuals responsible for the site?
- Who sponsors it? Do they have a product to sell or reasons to produce accurate information?
- Are there any reviews for the site?
- Are there references to published information?
- Is the information current and well maintained?
- Is the information clearly, consistently and logically presented and arranged?
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There are some guidelines that one can keep in mind though.
He advises a visitor to check the credentials of the content provider. In the US and Canada, this is not very difficult since there is a certification process for educators, counsellors and therapists. In India, such rigorous certification systems are not available. He recommends The Council of Sex Education and Parenthood, an 18-year-old Mumbai-based organisation that provides scientific information on sex through its members.
"There are two other protectors in your own mind: common sense and a decision about whether the advice is relevant to or comfortable for you," adds Dr Van Meter.
Pornographic sites are geared towards arousal and attracting clients, and are not meant to be education per se, says Dr Whelenan. "If the site promises quick cures or a radical change without a person having to critically examine his or her beliefs and behaviours, it is probably less credible."
Dr Rajendra Sathe, an Indian counsellor at sexualhealth.com, advises people to stay away from sites that make tall claims or try to push you into buying expensive products: "I've found almost all sites offering treatment for penis enlargement to be hoaxes."
Why Indians are looking elsewhere for sex-related information
Rajiv Srivastava, a 30-year-old married professional, often tries to seek advice on sex online, but complains there isn't enough for Indians. Dr McCaffree suggests that there seems to be a belief among Indians that doctors in the US and UK have more information: "Several people have told me they learnt from Indian doctors that masturbation would keep them from having children, etc. It appears they are getting inaccurate information from their own doctors."
He often gets questions from Indians, generally males between 25 and 40 years, asking 'How can I stop masturbating?' 'How can I prove that my wife (to-be) is really a virgin' and 'My wife is in pain whenever we have sex. What can we do about it?'
Dr Sathe admits that most head to foreign sites with these questions because of an absence of good local sites with authentic information. He himself usually answers only a few questions every week. Dr Poosha gets eight to 12 emails every day and spends about two hours daily providing free advice. He's now looking at a situation where he can charge for a direct email reply but still offer free answers to basic questions.
Asks Dr McCaffree: "I don't know why they are approaching a foreign site… Maybe because it is one where they can get their answers? Are there sites in India that would help them?"
Not enough, as Dr Poosha and Dr Sathe would both agree.
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