Bonzi is what they call an interactive friend or 'online buddy'. What this means is you can count on him popping up the minute you log on. Once he arrives, the party begins. Bonzi sings, talks, and cracks a couple of hundred jokes while you go about your business. Best of all, this little software programme (because that is what he really is) reads your email out for you.

The idea of online assistants isn't terribly new. There was Peedy the Parrot a long time ago. For reasons unknown, he was made redundant so Bonzi could take his place. Parrot, gorilla, what's the difference… Bonzi retails for $40, but a free version gets you most features.

How good is it? For a start, Bonzi takes a while to download and may not run properly on older browsers. If it works, enter your name and you can expect a personalised hello whenever he decides to make an appearance. He's also nauseatingly polite, with a stack of jokes ranging from the hilarious to the disgusting (it was he who informed me that what every clean nose undeniably has, is fingerprints). Also, his stories always have him starring in the lead role.

A Reader Recommends From Zabaware comes Ultra Hal Assistant 4.0, your very own digital secretary. This little guy can handle your appointments, keep track of addresses, run programs, help you browse the Internet, and even dial phone numbers for you! Hal also comes with speech recognition software, which means all you have to do is simply say or ask him something in plain English. Have fun. Thanks to reader Santanu Basu for the recco.

Jokes or no jokes, the novelty soon wears off. Since he uses a considerable amount of bandwidth, download speeds for other programmes are also affected. The result: former friends are now foes.

Radhika Menon, who downloaded Bonzi a year ago, finds him "interesting for the titbits of information he gives you, but irritating when you have work to do." His 'titbits' soon get annoying too though, as Roslyn Joseph realised: "Just when you begin to doze off, Bonzi wakes you up with his rubbish." The verdict, in the words of a former user: "If you like novelty software, Bonzi is fun. If you get annoyed easily by random speech and the occasional dumb joke, you don't want him."

A more helpful (and less intrusive) option is Gator -- a free software that automatically fills in forms, remembers names and passwords, lets you compare prices while you shop and even recommends special offers.

Gator can do the needful because it encrypts data on your computer. It is also viable for users of shared terminals because it has the ability to store information for different users, assigning a master-password to each. Do be sure you log out though!

There's a lot more freeware and shareware online, covering a wide range of functions. The Internet is teeming with 'buddies' like Conversion Buddy (converts measurements to different systems) and Expression Buddy (interprets any expression having up to 51 variables). Then, there's Spelling Buddy which reads off your spelling lists for you, Calendar Note Buddy which keeps track of all your appointments, and even a Freebie Buddy that gives you an eclectic mix of various features.

And you thought surfing was a solitary experience?