"I have been smoking drugs. I tried to quit and almost managed. But, today I am close to succumbing. It is a long, lonely night ahead. And I want someone to talk to, someone who can distract me and tell me not to smoke so that I don't get into these drugs again!"
This was a 19-year-old reaching out for help from anyone who could volunteer to do so, online, through the Feedback page of a popular youth portal.
The Indian adolescence is an emotional battleground. But they seem to be coming to terms with it online. Not in spite of it, but because of it.
Contrary to the ominous news images of teen web sites, adolescents are finding a refuge online from divorced parents, crowded classrooms, intolerant teachers and hostile parents. Says 16-year-old Maharushi Akilla, "For me, my web page is a little home for me, which I can run to when I have nothing better to do." 14-year-old Mishu Rathi confesses, "I find the real me online. I find it when I make my web page, when I chat with my buddies online. I don't have to pretend to like Hrithik because the world is crazy about him."
For 17-year-old Supriya Gurbaxani, an arts student in Pune, it was a medium that made it easier to reach out to people, while making the transition from school to the big bad world of junior college easier: "It is easier to reach out and strike a conversation with an acquaintance online. Besides, it helps if you have a crush on a guy or something. The Net makes it a lot easier to flirt and also be able to face rejection."
Most teens also use the net to run away from the lives they lead. Says 18-year-old Jason, who flunked his engineering exams, "It is where I am not judged on the basis of my marks or how well I can speak to women. This is my space and I can chose to talk to anybody about it. Even pretend that my parents are great and not freaking out everyday like they do."
Rekha Agneeswaram, a teacher at compassbox.com, talks about an emotional email that came from a 15-year-old who would use the site to study. "It was an email telling us how difficult she found coping with her father's death. She wanted, more, to give vent to her feeling, rather than have the problem sorted out."
Most teenagers use the medium as a forum to express their views. Net savvy Siddharth Puri, a standard ten student in Delhi, says, "I feel one gets to live a completely different life on the Net. I can use it to stand out amongst my peers, create my own identity and survive in the competitive world I live in."
Gulnar Mistry, editor of a youth portal Freshlimesoda.com, explains that teenagers are taking their first steps to adulthood, to find their political voices, bond with a community beyond their immediate family, online. "They are making comments on the world at large. Generation gaps, relationships, peer pressure, corrupt lawyers, bad roads, Sushma Swaraj - everything. In some sections there are serious statements being made. At others, there is general flight of the imagination, oblique commentaries. Through that you see, decidedly, this platform for expression, in all its forms."
Not every parent feels happy seeing their kids online though. Siddharth adds, "My mother keeps telling me that sitting in front of the box is just a dead end. It will not take me anywhere. But the net is a completely different world, where I set the rules. I control it, not somebody else."
All these teenagers are looking for is a place to express themselves without any boundaries, find acceptance and affirmation through this social network. Says Mistry, "The fact that you have something to say, a place where you can say it and, best of all, a place where people actually listen. They are ecstatic when their work is appreciated. It's sort of like an 'I'd-like-to-thank-my-Mum' moment." Rounding off, she says, "All these websites for youth expression give 'freedom of speech' a whole new meaning."
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