Piranha 3D is too lazy to entertain in any way, writes Raja Sen.
When it comes to carnivores and cleavage, more is often better.
Especially in 3D.
Yet while the first Piranha 3D was a riotously enjoyable -- and shamelessly schlocky -- piece of camp lunacy, the sequel with the pushed-up title gag, Piranha 3DD, is too toothless to be any good. Haute Tension director Alexandre Aja, who helmed the first and wonderfully wet film, has abandoned the sinking, one-joke franchise, as have his writers Peter Goldfinger and Josh Stolberg. All we have now are leftovers after the killer fish have already attacked: stray limbs, damp plot ideas and actors embarrassing themselves. In 3D.
This time, the piranhas attack a waterpark. Only, they don't get to it for an interminably long time, as amateurish actors beat around the bush (oftentimes literally) and we're reintroduced to the nippy predators. When they do attack, it's all old-hat, and while the first film had an undeniably engaging energy and a gripping narrative, this one never really makes an impact.
While passing qualitative judgements on a film with such clearly defined assets, it must be said that even the breasts are sub-par. As are the scares. There is one decent half-minute in a bathtub, and David Koechner's decapitated head gets motorboated rather spectacularly, but this film is too lazy to entertain in any way.
It's all such a waste. We're introduced to exploitative underwater cameras but they aren't used to liven up the climax. The 3D promises but never delivers. We see the hot girl from 30 Rock, but she doesn't get naked (which, in a film with merit this limited, is absolute cheating.) and while we had Jaws actor Richard Dreyfuss in the first film, this time all we get is David Hasselhoff. Ugh.