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REVEALED: Why men prefer porn over real sex

Last updated on: April 28, 2013 12:46 IST

REVEALED: Why men prefer porn over real sex

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Aparna Sundaresan/YouthIncMag.com
Guys have never denied that porn is their guilty pleasure while girls have always been drawn to a more boring avenue -- erotica and romance novels.

A two-minute vivid skin show in a video clip on the Internet is all that a guy needs to release his pent-up urges. A girl, on the other hand, is more likely to be disgusted, not satisfied, by this. The girl, however, will resort to romance and erotica novels where the exact two-minute skin show is depicted, albeit with words. What makes a guy favour porn and a girl romance stories?

Courtesy:YouthIncMag.com


Image: Sunny Leone in Jism 2

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Simple vs Complicated

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Sex, for guys, is simple and unfussy. It's a no-strings-attached act and a porn clip reflects just this notion. For girls, sex is largely an emotional act, which means it is complicated and meaningful.

They don't want to have sex just for the sake of having sex, but want to cultivate a relationship with a person before getting personal with them. In that sense, guys are an on-off switch; girls are a circuit board.

Girls, therefore, immensely enjoy romance novels because these books have explicit story lines and characters that girls get to know intimately between the first and last pages.

Thus, when the hero of the story has sex, no matter how dirty or graphic it is, girls enjoy it because they have become emotionally interested in him by then.


Image: Sex for women comes with strings attached
Photographs: Still from Love Sex Aur Dhoka
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'I want have your baby!'

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Guys might think of sex as wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am, but girls ask a multitude of questions before indulging in the act. Is he committed? Is he gentle and kind? Will he stick around? Is he rough?

The reason for so much concern is that the female brain is developed to unconsciously examine everything that relates to the girl's social, emotional and physical well-being.

This is probably a result of evolution -- women's bodies are equipped to procreate, so before engaging in the act that leads to reproduction, girls want someone who will stay and provide the necessary resources for raising a child. Erotica plays on this psychology.

The hero of the story is typically well-built, strong, handsome, generous, kind, loyal and understanding -- the ideal man to have a baby with.



Image: Will he be a good father to my babies??

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Who's driving my sex drive?

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A woman's sex drive is usually lower than a man's, not for biological or physical reasons but for reasons relating to repression.

In this patriarchal world, women have historically been repressed from both self-expression and sexual expression through objectification in the media and lack of equal rights in society.

Porn reiterates the objectification with women in pornography serving as sex objects.

Girls reject this representation which explains why they usually don't like porn. And because their sex drive is lower, girls must be coaxed and convinced to emotionally connect with someone before having sex.

The plots in romance novels are fundamentally exercises in convincing the heroine to fall in love and have sex.


Image: Girls almost always must be coaxed and convinced to emotionally connect with someone before having sex.
Photographs: Javer/ Creative Commons
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Disney and my unrealistic expectations

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Girls are raised on a diet of Disney movies where a prince rescues a damsel in distress and lives with her happily ever after in Fairytale Land. 

Girls thus grow up believing in one true love, the concept of soulmates and that there is a prince charming somewhere in their lives, waiting to sweep them off their feet.

Since reality is anything but that, girls escape to their imagination and find solace in romantic stories which are essentially fairytales with a generous serving of sex.

Image: Who DOESN'T want a fairytale wedding, right?
Photographs: Chris Jackson/Getty Images

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In the end, everything is distorted

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We blame porn for giving men astronomical and illogical expectations from women, but we need to flip the coin and examine the other side.

Romantic and erotic literature places just as much unrealistic and skewed expectations on men. Stereotypes are created in both instances; guys want Barbie dolls and girls want Ken dolls. And these stereotypes have become so rooted in their origins that if the actions were reversed, it is a matter of shame and embarrassment for a guy to be caught reading a romance novel and for a girl to be watching porn.


Image: Thanks to stereotypes, it all gets rather messed up

Tags: Ken

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