Divya Nair
As the D-day draws closer, I realise that the list of pending things instead of decreasing is piling on. Now, it's a race against time says soon-to-be-married Divya Nair in her eleventh column. Illustration: Uttam Ghosh
Two months ago, when I had suggested that I should start distributing the wedding cards, my parents shut me up saying it's too early to do that.
Now, with less than a week left, I can feel the jitters. People around me are suddenly reacting as if the world is going to come to an end on January 24.
Some of my married friends and my family doctor tell me that I should learn to relax and find time for my own little things.
I realised that the next few days are probably the last few days of my freedom; they are special and will never come back.
During conversations with my married friends, I learned that a lot of them were so busy preparing for their wedding that they forgot to cherish the simple, pre-event memories with their family, friends and spouse.
I'm sharing with you some of the advice I got from my friends about the things they did, and they think I should do, before I get married. Here's the bucket list:
1. Spend time with friends
There are people who stayed by me in my good and bad times. I have friends from school, tuition, my dance group, the regular train I used to take to work, college, and colleagues who are now clubbed into different groups on my WhatsApp list.
Some of them live close to my home and once I move away I may not get to see them. I'll miss hanging out with them, gorging on pani-puri and celebrating festivals together. I'll miss shopping with them and catching up on the social gossip over the weekends.
This week maybe I should just have a sleepover. Or simply take time out and spend a few hours with some of my close friends, reliving those moments, perhaps even , they always love you.
The last week I should wake up earlier than usual and instead of spending time with the newspaper, sit with Amma and share a cup of coffee and let her speak.
Maybe I should let her oil my hair more often and not complain when the oil spills over my forehead.
Amma likes to talk a lot. After my marriage, most of our conversations will be over the phone, something I hate, particularly when she goes to her home town alone.
She would have so much to talk about and advice me about just when I was heading out for an assignment, that sometimes I'd hang up saying I'll call her later and then forget about it completely.
If I upset her in the morning or over the phone while I was busy, I knew I could always go home and make up for it with a warm hug.
Post marriage, I'll have to do it all over the phone. I know I won't like it, but I won't have a choice.
3. Watch a movie with family
When we were young and it was a holiday, the four of us (Papa Amma, my brother and I) would watch some funny Malayalam matinee movie on television starring Mohanlal or Dileep and laugh our hearts out.
We would help Amma finish her cooking and household chores in advance so that she did not have to miss a single scene of the film.
I don't know how often I will get to do this after marriage. Perhaps, it's time we watched at least one film as a family.
4. Do something brave
A close friend told me that the week before her wedding she called up her crush from school days and expressed her feelings for him.
Although the task was part of a truth and dare game with friends, she was glad she could confess before the wedding.
I don't know when was the last time I did something brave (besides saying yes to marriage), but maybe I should find out and do it.
5. Get pampered
Last minute preparations demand that the bride-to-be to step out to do a host of things that will be physically exhausting. Like this friend who was so fussy about her wedding outfit (she had it altered four times in two weeks) that she eventually collected her wedding blouse from a designer the night before the wedding.
The last few days before the wedding, I have been advised to delegate as many tasks as possible and not be fussy about it. For example, I should let my best friend order the wedding cake for me and trust him/her to do a good job of it.
Two days before the wedding, I'm supposed to treat myself to a spa session and feel rejuvenated.
6. Learn to cook
Since my father is a professional chef and Amma is blessed with extraordinary culinary skills, I was always the circumstantial chef.
Suddenly it dawns on me that cutting vegetables, making breakfast and/or a meal of rotis and sabzi doesn't qualify as culinary skills.
So, I should spend the next few days mastering some exciting recipes to serve at my in-law's place. My partner loves prawns, and though I don't eat meat and fish, I am supposed to learn to prepare at least one dish just to make him feel special.
7. Get a tattoo
I'm not an admirer of any form of permanent body art, but ever since my partner got himself inked, I have begun to feel that maybe it's not a bad idea.
My friend who got married into a traditional Gujarati household last year told me that her in-laws were very disappointed when they learned that she had got a tattoo done on her honeymoon in Thailand.
Her advice was that if there was anything I would not be allowed to do post marriage, I should get it done before marriage.
8. Go on a date with your spouse-to-be
Like I mentioned in my last post, most couples I know admitted to fighting even minutes before their wedding took place. This, some people said, was even reflected in their wedding photographs!
Their advice is, go on a date with my partner and cherish the last few moments of togetherness before we officially become a couple.
Dear friends, I am sure the above list is incomplete and I'm bound to have missed something. Perhaps you guys can share your ideas for brides and grooms-to-be in the message board below.
Don't miss Divya's previous columns:
Amma's advice on what makes a marriage last
Wedding diary: How I met his parents
Wedding diary: Love, sex and other things
The bride's dressing room: No family please!
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