The 6 types of friends everyone must have
Take our word for it -- everyone should have these characters within a friend circle. Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh
The bitch. The agony aunt. The life of the party. The saint.
As you read each one of these definitions, chances are you can think of a friend who is best described by them (individually -- if you have just one pal who fits all categories, you need to get out more, and s/he needs a nice long session on a psychiatrist's couch).
When you've had a shit day, you need a mate's shoulder to lean on. To vent about your ex's hot new squeeze, put a call through to the venomous spitfire. For a night of pub hopping and letting your hair down, you need the gregarious one. And for sound advice about your waning sex life, you spend a few intense hours with the advisory board.
In the following pages, we bring you the six friends everyone should have. Chances are you already do, but if not, it's time to add a new member to your inner circle. Because in your more desperate hours, we don't want you dialing those 'friendship' hotlines -- either the bills will give you chest pains or one of those 'friends' may end up giving you a VD.
So here goes!
The Childhood Chaddi Buddy
This is the one who knows you inside out, upside down, front and back -- and we don't mean that in a sexual way, so sickos, feel free to tune out right now.
This is the go-to pal you don't have to explain yourself to, the one who's been along for most of this crazy ride you call your life. The one whose face you held down in the dirt at the playground, who you had pajama parties with, who tried convincing your first crush to ask you out, who attended the first day of college at your side.
These are friends who are more like family and you need them, because they know who you are. Because they love you for, or in spite of it. Because no one else will laugh at how Mrs Pujari's pampered white dog Moti was given a mudbath by the neighbourhood kids ten years ago.
We all have loose-lipped pals we need to be a little wary around, but hey, there's no denying they add spice to your life!
With eyes peeled wherever they go and a permanently active gossip hotline, they network like pros and give people the lowdown on everyone else's lives (including their own -- their incessant need to spread news means they are usually as easy to read as a book).
Oh, don't pretend to be above it all! You love listening to gossip even if you're not an active member of the network. Because what's better than forgetting about your own troubles to hear about other people's scandals, right?
We're at the other end of the spectrum now -- this is the friend who probably doesn't think much of your previous friend the gossip, and incessantly warns you about mixing with the 'wrong company'.
You know, the friend you have the urge to get down your knees and chant ten Hail Marys to each time you meet.
No smoking. No drinking. No sex. No gambling. No bad words. No fun.
So why have a friend like the saint, you ask? Because they are a positive influence (notwithstanding the fact that they are often completely out of touch with reality). True to their nature, they'll help you see the positive side of the worst possible situations and a light at the end of the tunnel when you're at your lowest.
It's a bit like having your own personal prophet, really.
The Popular Kid
Don't get us wrong -- having a pal who's immensely popular isn't about playground politics. It's about expanding your horizons.
See, when you hang out with a popular, 'cool' person, who cool things happen to and other cool people associate with, a little bit is bound to rub off on you (unless you dress like America Ferrera in Ugly Betty).
But seriously, you get to meet a lot of interesting new folks, learn about a lot of new things, participate in conversations and activities you wouldn't have otherwise.
And popular mates usually have that fun-loving, life-of-the-party kind of disposition, which helps when you're down in the dumps. Your heart may be ripped out because your girlfriend of four years left you, but that popular pal will still have you partying all night and laughing at jokes about her.
The Agony Aunt/Uncle
Should you elope because your parents don't approve of your partner?
Should you demand your boyfriend's e-mail password?
Should you order the lobster or go for the barbecue chicken?
This your go-to-for-all-sound-advice friend, the one who seems to make sense when the world seems upside down. The one you consult at 3 am, before kissing a boy at the end of a first date that's gone exceptionally well. Or before a job interview because you don't know what to wear.
Yes, the agony aunt friend is a must-have, because without him/her, life's decisions would be even more agonising.
So you've been to the saint and the goody-two-shoes refuses to blame that two-faced mantrap who stole your man?
For an evening of expletive-ridden angst and beers, you need to call your bitchy buddy, the one who's not afraid to say what you think (or drop a drink down the dress of your rival).
The one who's got a bratty attitude and isn't afraid to show it. The one you hide behind and can expect to take on the world for you, because that's what s/he does.
Everyone else may hate bitches and their guts, but you don't -- because they can say and do what you're afraid to!