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Shaadi ke side effects: What you MUST discuss before the wedding

Last updated on: June 26, 2014 13:01 IST

Shaadi ke side effects: What you MUST discuss before the wedding

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Harnoor Channi Tiwary

It's easy to be swept off one's feet. But here's what you must talk about with your partner before you say 'I do!'

Girl and boy meet, sparks fly, conversations linger, love blossoms.

Most of us experience the rush of love at some point in our lives and we may decide to spend our lives with that person.

But besides love and respect, there are some major decisions that must be discussed between the partners so that the journey they embark upon is smooth sailing.

Here is a list of five things you must discuss before you marry:

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Photographs: Anshum Mandore
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1. Children

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Harnoor Channi Tiwary

Having children is a very momentous decision in every individual's life.

But each person feels differently about whether they want kids and at what stage in their life are they ready to be parents.

A young couple in their twenties will probably not end up discussing something like this and leave it for the future.

But this can be the cause of great friction if both partners are not like minded in this regard.

There is no right or wrong.

You may want children and your partner may not.

But you need to dig deeper and understand whether your partner just doesn't want kids at this point in life or it doesn't figure in his/her life plan.

No amount of love from a spouse can compensate for the want of a child for a person who yearns for one.

Discuss your plan for when and how many children you would like to have before you take things further.

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Image: Ask yourself: Do we love kids enough to have one of our own? (Picture used here for representational purpose only.)
Photographs: Mansi Thapliyal/Reuters
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2. Earning partner

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Harnoor Channi Tiwary

Gone are the days when spousal roles were black and white.

The man took care of matters outside the house and the lady at home.

With feminism came a lot of blurry lines and it is imperative today for partners to discuss who will be the primary earning member and how they feel about the spouse working.

It is possible that a career oriented woman gets stuck in a household where ambition is frowned upon.

It is also possible that the husband assumes that his well educated wife will earn alongside him and contribute to the household income.

Alternatively, the man may want to pursue artistic interests and expect his wife to be the stable earner.

In each case, if both partners don't discuss this and find a middle ground that is acceptable to them the marriage shall be in perpetual turmoil.

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Image: Gender roles have changed. Women are taking over jobs that were once considered a man's domain... like bouncers in a club! (Picture used here for representational purpose only.)
Photographs: Ajay Verma/Reuters
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3. Nuclear family

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Harnoor Channi Tiwary

Though careers are transferable and thus a lot of people live in nuclear families, it is foolhardy to assume the same.

You must talk about your comfort level in a joint family and between the two of you decide whether you would like to live in a nuclear family or a joint one.

Many young couples and choosing to live separate from their in-laws but in close vicinity so that they can maintain the warmth in the relationship and also support each other when required.

This keeps the respect alive on all sides and gives everyone their own space as well.

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Image: How happy would you be living in a joint family? Or do you prefer a nuclear family? (Picture used here for representational purpose only.)
Photographs: Danish Siddiqui/Reuters
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4. Lifestyle choices

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Harnoor Channi Tiwary

For a vegetarian person to live in a household where non vegetarian food is cooked or enjoyed can prove to be difficult.

On the other hand, if you enjoy your Butter Chicken, you may resent your partner looking down upon you every time you do so.

Be open with each other before marriage and tell your partner if you drink and/or smoke.

They may seem small things on the onset but if it is a deal breaker for your partner, it is better to know so beforehand.

In all of these cases, there are middle grounds that can be found which both partners are comfortable with.

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Image: Can you adjust to the differences in each other's lifestyles and cultures? (Picture used here for representational purpose only.)
Photographs: Dan Kitwood/Getty Images
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5. Religion

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Harnoor Channi Tiwary

This is a topic that includes the families on both sides.

If your partner belongs to a different religion or caste and this is of importance to you or your family, make sure that expectations are clearly laid out.

Whether you or your partner is expected to change their religion, what religion will the children follow and how rigid your family is about rituals are all key points.

Every marriage, whether love or arranged, needs nurturing to grow.

But if spouses agree on these essential issues early on, it lays the foundation of a relationship based on mutual respect and understanding.


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Image: What religion will your children follow? Discuss that. Right away! (Picture used here for representational purpose only.)
Photographs: Mukesh Gupta/Reuters
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