Sexual compatibility: Can you live WITHOUT it?
Gayatri Parameswaran analyses whether great sexual chemistry is necessary in a romantic relationship.
Sex is important, and we all know it. But how important is it? "It can make or mar your relationship," a friend of mine said to me.
She seemed perfectly convinced by her thoughts and she had good reason. "I am now in a relationship with someone with zero sexual compatibility. It's difficult so I've decided I can't go on like this," she said.
My friend started dating this guy two weeks ago and found him amusing at many levels. He was smart and intelligent and funny. What more could you ask for?
"Yeah, exactly what I thought to myself. I was having a fun time meeting him for lunches and dinners and movies. And it all seemed to go quite well until we entered the bedroom," she said.
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And then it went downhill. The kissing and the foreplay were alright. But the real action missed passion.
"I don't know how to put it. We were just on different wavelengths. It's difficult to judge on the first go, right? So I was ready to give it another shot. But I was only disappointed. I still gave it another try, but it didn't work," she explained.
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So she finally gave up on her ambitions of having a perfect life with this amazing man. She was certain she couldn't live with someone who would leave her dissatisfied.
"I wasn't reaching any orgasms. But that's not all. I also didn't feel that we wanted the same things from sex. I am not sure how to explain. Let's say we were looking for different outcomes from sex," my friend explained.
Photographs: Mak Thorpe (1997)/Wikimedia Commons
Breaking the news
And though my friend hasn't met this guy in a week, she still doesn't know how to break the news to him. She has been avoiding confrontation.
"Well, there's a big problem. I think he might take offence if I mention that I don't like having sex with him. But I also can't go on like this. So I guess I have to stick to at least half the truth. I'm going to tell him, he's not able to give me what I need in a relationship," my friend said.
Photographs: Elizabeth Ann Colette on Flickr/Wikimedia Commons