'My wife embarrasses me with her sense of dressing'
Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on October 18 to help them deal with love problems. For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.
Love Guru says, Hi there folks and welcome back to the Love Guru chat! Let's get started...
jjs asked, My wife has been very disrespectful to me and my parents since our marriage 2 yrs back inspite of our loving and caring attitude.She is quite a narcissist and controlling wife.Now I am thinking of divorcing her. Am I doing the correct thing.
Love Guru answers, When two partners are incompatible and unhappy together, then yes, divorce is the right option. It's your call whether to end the marriage -- you are the best judge of whether it's the right thing for you or not.
in love asked, Hi Love guru, i m in relation with a office colleague. she doesnt let me have physical relation with her. i love her a lot. how do i convince her?
Love Guru answers, Are you officially dating? And when you say 'physical relations', do you mean that she's refusing to sleep with you or that she's not even allowing as small a gesture as holding hands or kissing?
himanshu asked, what if wife seems to be obsessed with her mother rather than caring husband
Love Guru answers, Explain to her that you admire her mother and while she should take advice from her parent, she should also learn to think independently and make her own decisions. If you needlessly oppose her mother you're only looking at friction.
Tej asked, I am in love with this girl who's undergoing divorce.She says her ex was not taking care of her and she couldn't tolerate their ill-treatment after marriage that lasted 3 years, though it was a love marriage. Yet, she always keeps talking about him most of the time.Is she using me to vent her frustrations? I have no prob with that either..but she's so moody..sometimes she says she loves me..sometimes she's noncommittal.what do I make out of it? am very confused now..
Love Guru answers, Her divorce is still underway and she's coming out of a bad marriage. At thi point, I'd say be nothing more than a friend -- and expect nothing more from her. Give her a little time to get over everything that's happened.
Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of rediff.com and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.
Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh
'I'm gay and my married boyfriend is filing for divorce'
Indian asked, Hi, I am a very qualified individual and my girlfriend, doesn't treat me with respect, she calls me moron, idiot, stupid etc. Generally, I don't retort back and she also told be she can break ties anytime she wants. She sometime physically abuses her 16 YO son. Couple of days ago she we got into an argument about it, while she was abusing me I walked out. Did I do right?
Love Guru answers, Yes you did the right thing. Don't tolerate abuse from anyone and you have every right to tell her when she's doing something wrong, like abusing her son. My question would be, why are you in a relationship with someone who tries to demean you and doesn't treat you with any respect?
manlover asked, Dear LG, MY BF has come out to his family and parents and asked for a divorce... i am afraid that my name would also be dragged into the dirty linen washing and i will be outed too... i am thinking of breaking up with my BF and moving away to canada or london... is this a sane thing to do?
Love Guru answers, He seems ready to take the onslaught that will come his way from family and friends for being gay -- and it seems he is doing it as much for you as for himself. Moving to Canada or London I can understand, if you don't want to face society here -- but why break up with him? I would say be a little stronger and true to who you are, instead of running away.
satish asked, hi luv guru- there is dis girl whom i luv a lot in my office.first she said she loves me noe she does not even care for me. wat do i do??
Love Guru answers, Why don't you ask her how she went from loving you to not caring for you at all? Maybe she's angry about something? Nothing like an honest conversation to clear the air. Just don't come across as very needy or desperate, as that's a big turn-off for women. Be mature, cool, say your piece without losing your head or becoming overly emotional.
Sachin asked, i ways loving a girl before marriage..we break up aftera mutal understanding of our family suitation. After my marrige we are a gud friends still.. But i always this she was my better choice than current..and though she also think.. Now what to do in this suitation?
Love Guru answers, Sachin, you would not have found yourselves in this situation if you had taken a stand then. Now you either focus on your marriage and forget about the past, or then end your marriage and get back to your first love. And mind you, it's easier said than done -- if you were unwilling to face a backlash from your families before, with your wife in the picture it will be far worse this time around. So be prepared to stand up to the opposition you receive. I just hope you don't have any children.
shahid asked, iam in love with a girl since 4years and she is a cancerian she plays mind games always and iam very frustrated and i love her a lot n i want her presence daily please iam losing control and getting anger and frustration when she behaves rude and i love her a lot please help me
Love Guru answers, It takes two people to play a game -- if you refuse to give in to her mind games, she'll have to stop them. Stop giving in, stop losing your cool. If you have to, shout the roof down alone at home, but don't reveal your frustration to her at all. If she's rude, walk out. If she's playing with your thoughts, stop her by changing the subject and refuse to discuss hers any further.
'My husband still blames my parents for a fight from two years ago'
ap asked, Hi. I have been married for 3 years now, and off late my wife has started exposing too much at public places. She insists on wearing inappropriate clothing which leads to us fighting. While on our holiday at a beach resort, she even went topless with our friends leading to a lot of embarrassment for me. How do I resolve this?
Love Guru answers, Look, I'm sorry that you're embarrassed in front of your friends, but to be honest, telling your partner how to dress is not on, although in your case it does seem justified to an extent. There could be two things that could be the problem here. One, her need to expose so much is typical of attention-seeking behaviour -- she wants attention, so she dresses as she does. Leading me to ask -- does she get enough attention from you, that she's seeking it elsewhere? Or two -- there are some people who are just built in a certain way -- they think nudity is natural, there's no shame in it. In which case, she would have no problem with you stripping down before your friends either! So which category does she fall in, would you say?
diksha asked, Hi, my parents and in-laws family had a lot of friction during our wedding 2 years ago. Even though both sides are to blame, my husband remains loyal to his family and thinks bad about my parents and me through association. No discussion helps and at times our relationship gets strained because of this. I dont know what to do.
Love Guru answers, Neither of you is willing to forget the past. And your husband should know, it takes two hands to clap -- a fight involves two parties, else there would be no fight. Explain to him that either both of you continue to strain your marriage over this stupidity, or then decide to call a ceasefire and let go of the past once and for all. You've been married two years and you're still fighting over the wedding!
sunny asked, I I wish to know how u can be sure off whether a lady likes u or not ?? I recently met a lady who seems to be happily married but still have some feelings for me but never ever she gave any clue ...what should i think or how do i know what is going in her inside ??
Love Guru answers, You say she's never given you any clue that she likes you in a certain way -- so what makes you think that she does? And no, there's no way of knowing for sure unless she expresses it. I'd say either way, steer clear -- she's happily married and no good can come of this.
maya asked, I am about to get married to my fiance in december..my fiance has a group of seven including four boys..i do feel my fiance spends more time with her friends than me.last night we had an heated arguement and she said she needs time to think about the relationship.She even asked me to stay out of touch for few days. I AM totally lost and depressed. i don't want to loose her. she's my life!!!!! what should i do now so that she feels back our love and doesn't get irritated???????????
Love Guru answers, You're getting married in two months' time and will be living under the same roof. So what if she spends more time with her friends in the build-up to that? She chose to marry you, didn't she? Isn't that enough proof that she loves you more than anyone else? You seem irrational and possessive -- and you'll lose your fiance if you keep it up. Apologise, tell her you were wrong and promise to let her live her own life without you stifling her and dictating who she should spend how much time with. And stick to that promise!
Tej asked, Thanks guruji..my confusion stems from the fact that when she's in good mood, she's so loving n caring.At times we have even had limited physical intimacy.But she starts sulking all of a sudden and nothing helps.talks about how worthless her life has become and why she should live etc. I've been with her (not in person as we both live in different cities),supporting her and consoling her. Told her I'll marry etc. Yet she doesn't change. She's educated in US and says wants to go there for higher studies and settle down there..I've been investing a lot of my time and emotions..am I wrong? do I expect some outcome or get heart broken myself? please help..
Love Guru answers, I'm confused -- what is 'limited physical intimacy' when you say you've not been with her in person?
'My wife feels guilty because her ex is not getting married'
imran asked, hi iam in love with a man i love him a lot he also cares me and we meet daily i told him that i love him and we even hold hands together but i want him in bed wht to do i even told him for that but he is married and he is a professional man please guide me
Love Guru answers, Even if he is bisexual, does that mean he'll leave his wife for you? I think not -- and you've already suggested getting physical, to which he hasn't really responded. I'd say, Imran, that man or woman, you'd rather be with someone you don't have to share with another person. Or you'll just end up getting hurt.
lovetorn asked, My wife of 10 years frequently goes back in the past when she was in love with someone else for 10 years. Her family problems forced her to break that relationship and she married me. Her ex-boyfriend is still unmarried and my wife still feels guilty about leaving him. What can I do so that she lives with me happily and forget her past?
Love Guru answers, She's been with you now for as long as she's been with him. She's probably feeling guilty because he never married and she thinks that's because of her. Maybe it is. But it's been a long time and whether her ex chooses to move on or not with someone else is his personal choice. You can explain that to her. It's not up to her to keep tabs on his life anymore or obssess over what was over a decade ago.
pa asked, @ love guru, sorry the old ID signed out. I do give her enough attention I feel. It started couple of years back when we were in a hotel room and she was wearing a bra, and the waiter just walked in. After that incident, her behaviour changed. While going out for dinner at a fancy restaurant, she just wore a bra with a saari. She is from a conservative family, so maybe that might have something to do with it. Pl guide if I should let her be this way or try to change.
Love Guru answers, Here's what you do. Sit her down, explain to her gently that you love the wy she looks, but get embarrassed sometimes with the way she dresses or exposes herself. That said, tell her that if she wishes to continue with her style, it's her decision to make and you'll make your peace with it. Because you don't own her, nor are you trying to -- you just want her to be herself, it's just that certain things are not to your taste. If you make your disapproval known and at the same time state that you're willing to overlook her dressing, I think that she will tone it down a tad -- and yes, being from an overly conservative family may have something to do with it. It may just be a phase, because she can finally do as she pleases without answering to them.
Love Guru says, That's all we have time for today, people...till next week, goodbye and take care!