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'Is having cyber sex considered unhealthy?'

Last updated on: June 12, 2014 16:36 IST

'Is having cyber sex considered unhealthy?'


Is your love life under pressure? Are you troubled by your relationship? Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on Thursday to help them deal with love problems.

For those of you who missed it, here's the transcript.

Got questions for the Love Guru? Post them here! Love Guru will reply to them every Thursday at 3 pm.

Love Guru says: Hello folks, here I am, hope your love life is all good. Let's start?

Ragini Purohit asked: Sir, I am in love with him since last 8 years. I have propose to him after 1 year love but that day he got engaged. And he told me we are friend forever. He has married now. but I can't stop my love I am many times says him I love you and he answered hmmmm... but love words no reply. What should i do in this situation? I am not able to forget him.

Love Guru answers: Ragini Purohit, your love has no future, and if you continue to remain lost in love, soon you too will have a bleak future. So forget him, and move on with your life

Anirban Chakraborty asked: Me n my wife are married since last 5 1/2years. We have a daughter of 3 years but we are no match at all. I do not like her point of view. Almost everyday we quarrel on petty issues. I'm not sure what I should do?

Love Guru answers: Anirban Chakraborty, so you don't like her point of view and you conclude you are no match at all. And the child, I suppose, came out of thin air?

Pratibha Singh asked: I am 25 yrs old gal divorced have a baby of 4 yrs now i am in a love with married man we both love each other a lot but he cant be with me. Is that rgt to continue? also he doubts on me more often if i talk to anybody. by pffesion i m HR what should i do for life long as he vl not leave his family n i cnt b so for life long as i hav a baby warna i wld hav

Love Guru answers: Pratibha Singh. You know that you won't be acknowledged in his life at all. Are you okay with that status? However, seems to me while he doesn't want to give, he expects a lot from you. Are you okay with that? If your answers to both these questions is yes, please continue in the relationship. If your answers are a no, then you need to decide what to do.

Venkatesh asked: I hear a lot about "co-dependency" in relationships. What exactly is that?

Love Guru answers: Venkatesh, a quick google search will enlighten you more than what I can say here. Codependency, simply put, is a manipulative relationship with lots of negative overtones -- and it is also something all of us have been, either receiving or giving, at some point or the other.

Gunjal Dhage asked: Any couple who is in a committed relationship can benefit from what is called relationship workshop. It is find that we all struggle with similar issues of disruption of contact with our partner and yearn for the connection or re-connection that allows love and passion to grow in our relationships.

Love Guru answers: Gunjal Dhage, your point being?

Clipsy Banji asked: in love for 12 years, difference in age 11 years boy is younger, we share a close bond, his family does not support and nor will the society so we called it quits..but both of us realise the pain of separation, I hv asked him to look for a partner and move on, he thinks he will..not sure. This transit phase is difficult. Pl advise. Sunita

Love Guru answers: Sunita, what is there to advise? How to cope with the separation? 12 years is a long time, and it won’t be easy to forget and move on quickly. Sometimes, however, we love to wallow in the pain and develop a fixation with it. Avoid that pitfall. Hurt, grieve, all ends. deserve it. But not for a lifetime

Firoz Khan asked: Why do gays and lesbians stay hidden so much? One of my friends didn't tell me he was gay until after I had known him a full year.

Love Guru answers: Firoz Khan, because they come with a history of persecution, they are not sure who can be trusted and who will harm them. Especially given Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code under which they can be thrown in jail

Manish asked: sir but i dont like her talking to any boy she is saying lying to me

Love Guru answers: Manish, if you didn't make these impractical demands, she won't be forced to lie to you, no?

Kapadia asked: LOVE GURU..!! I have only one question to ask u. Why people are not Loyal and trustworthy today? Why they cheat to each other? and starts blaming games..why these are happening?

Love Guru answers: Kapadia, I am Love Guru, not a sociologist.

Sameera asked: What is the legal age to have consensual sex?

Love Guru answers: Sameera, as per the new law that was enacted last year, the age of consent is 18.

Manish asked: meri gf mumbai main hai main jaipur main maine usse ladko se baat krne ko mana kiya hai bt wo krti hai jhhot bolti hai kya kruuu phn ki chat delete krti hai

Love Guru answers: Manish, instead of being a control freak who looks at her phone chat messages, why don't you try and be a better boyfriend? Then maybe she won't have the urge to chat up other boys

Ashwini Suresh asked: is extra martial affair wrong? My husband is a wrong match for me but I like my brother in law much as he suits me in all aspects...even he likes me...we r in love with each other...we cant break it wrong wat we r doing? pls help marriage was a forcible at dat time i was helpless...

Love Guru answers: Ashwini, if you and your brother-in-law (husband's brother) are such a good match, why don't you divorce your husband and marry him? That should end all your woes

Panse Kaisare asked: My wife is pregnant and not interested in sex, what do I do?

Love Guru answers: Panse Kaisare, she won't be in this condition if it was not for you, so you owe it to her to wait for her to come out of it. Which is just a few months. If at all you may think of self-help as an option but nothing else

Soumitra Goswami asked: How to know what really ladies want from men and how much physical strength matters for male to female?

Love Guru answers: Soumitra Goswami, as with many things in life, there are no universal rules here as well. So what applies in the case of one relationship won't apply in another. So don't go muddling your mind about such things

Sumeet Salgaonkar asked: A lot of your answers seem to assume we're talking about heterosexual relationships. What about same-sex relationships? Do the same principles apply?

Love Guru answers: Sumeet Salgaonkar, the answers fit the answers, not the other way round. Relationships are multi-dimensional, I am aware of it, and my replies come without any moral stand. Do you have any questions, or are you here to merely question me?

I meant, the answers fit the questions, not the other way round. Sorry for that error

Amit Srivastav asked: I’ve never had a relationship, or life coach. What’s it relationship coaching like? Can I try it first?

Love Guru answers: Amit Srivastav, it's your life, go ahead, enjoy!

Jaykar Kajale asked: Is having cyber sex considered unhealthy -- and does it constitute “cheating” on a spouse, even if you never meet your cybersex or phone sex partner?

Love Guru answers: Jaykar Kajale, many experts feel that there's a downside to cyber sex, which is that it leads to lack of interest in the real thing in the real world. I'd think it's ok to experiment with it, as with anything else, but it's important not to lose oneself in it. I've known cases where it has broken marriages, so. Is it "cheating"? It could be, it depends on the rules of one's marriage

Minnie asked: Is it possible for a person to be in love with more than one persons at the same time?

Love Guru answers: Minnie, while I don't have personal knowledge of this, I do believe it is very possible, yes

Amol Chille asked: Hi! Love Guru, are you there?

Love Guru answers: Amol Chille, if it's Thursday 3-4pm, where else can I be!

Bharat Rakshak asked: I've never been very good at relationships, of any kind. I don't even know how or where to begin.

Love Guru answers: Bharat Rakshak, then it seems you have come to the wrong place!

Rajan Sha asked: When we're communicating well in other areas, my partner and I often get bogged down when it comes to talking about sex. I often feel we have very different expectations in this area.

Love Guru answers: Rajan Sha, while intercourse can also be verbal,I think things could improve a lot if you follow the ancient saying, work more talk less

Kohina asked: How can I tell if she's just feeding me lies or if she really is ready to reform? This girl I am in love with, my friends say she plays around.

Love Guru answers: Kohina, I think it will be better if you avoid words/sentiments like "reform".

Dolly Kapoor asked: I m in to relationship frm last 1mnth. In dis 1mnth I met my bf only twice. We were talking in chats only. I don’t know y he is not calling me. Every time I only used to call him. he is not putting any efforts to talk to me. Even he is not responding to my msgs at once. I told him many times to call me but kuch na kuch aa jata tha that he couldn’t call me..

We were used to chat at night. Coz of his this behavior once I asked him do u really love me. He said yes I love u. Now from last many days because of some issue or something else we are not chatting at night. Call toh abhi bhi nahi karta kabhi.. Main hi karti hu. And that to only for hardly 5 min.

Love Guru answers: Dolly Kapoor, but why don't the two of you meet face to face?

Atul asked: I am dr. atul agte, from aurangabad ,(MS) born on 30.10.1965 at 6.04 am at aurangabad..My Dearest friend dr. priti chhajed has married women.I strongly want to hv relationship with her without disturbing our family. pl. advise.

Love Guru answers: Atul, some more clarity in your question will be greatly appreciated, thanks

Jagjeet Singh asked: Can one live without marriage

Love Guru answers: Jagjeet Singh, sure, why not?

Also read:

'I suspect my wife is having an affair'

7 really silly myths about sex and contraception

'My wife looks at other men. What do I do?'

'Why are girls on matrimony sites so money-minded?'

'I like a girl who already has a boyfriend. What to do?'

She rejected me. Can I still be her friend?

Got questions for the Love Guru? Post them here! Love Guru will reply to them every Thursday at 3 pm.

(Advice from the Love Guru does not reflect the opinions of and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.)

Photographs: Rediff Archives