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8 signs you are in an abusive relationship

Last updated on: June 03, 2014 19:44 IST

8 signs you are in an abusive relationship

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Trishann Henriques, Courtesy YouthIncMag

Is your partner commanding, jealous and manipulative? Watch out for these red flags in your relationship and act upon them!

Physical, emotional and mental abuse in a romantic relationship isn't spoken about, but well, is rampant.

Even if it is, the fervent focus remains on female abuse.

Today however, abuse in romantic relationships are not limited to women only; men go through it too.

The best way to tackle abuse is to spot the signs way before a relationship takes off.

Here are some ways you can dodge the bullet off controlling partners.

After all, isn't love supposed to be patient and kind, not jealous, commanding and manipulative?

Warning sign #1: You're mine

They don't approve of your friends, they don't like that you spend time with them and sometimes even despise the mention of their names.

All they want is you 24×7. Now, this can be good, but it goes a bit overboard especially when a couple is at a premature stage in their relationship.

How to escape it

Explain to your partner that although you enjoy their company very much, you cannot spend every waking minute with them.

A relationship works best when both partners have mutual and separate lives and friends to fall back on every so often.

Courtesy:YouthIncMag.com

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Image: Are you a victim of abuse?
Photographs: Illustration by Dominic Xavier/Rediff.com
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Warning sign #2: Too much, too soon

Talks of moving in together, long vacations, marriage and even babies are sure to scare anyone off if mentioned too soon.

Instead of building castles about the probable future, why on concentrate on the present and live in the moment?

How to escape the situation

Expectations from a relationship are a must.

It is only after a certain level of compatibility and affinity towards each other that expectations arise.

Dating with the hope of a marriage in the future is good for a seasoned relationship and one in which both partners have each other's consent.

But if one partner is uninterested in the prospect of marriage and kids, bringing up too much too soon is a put-off.

Discuss what you both want from life, share your future plans and dreams.

If there is a future to your relationship, make sure you both are in it together and for the long haul.

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Image: If your partner gets too excited about taking the next step too soon, it could be a warning sign.
Photographs: Illustration by Uttam Ghosh/Rediff.com
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Warning sign #3: Too much jealousy

A little bit of jealously in a relationship is a sign that your partner is afraid to lose you. However, when little gets too much, you should know that is a problem.

Jealousy often harbours feelings of doubt and suspicion.

For a healthy, nurturing relationship, there should no room for these feelings to arise.

How to escape this situation

As cliched as it may seem, trust is the cornerstone in a relationship.

The next time you make an inquiry about your partner's whereabouts, espouse feelings of trust and care instead of doubt.

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Image: There should be no room for jealousy in a healthy relationship.
Photographs: Illustration by Uttam Ghosh/Rediff.com
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Warning sign #4: No, you cannot wear that

Plain and simple, your partner cannot dictate what you wear.

Of course they can tell you what suits you and what doesn't, but anything that includes threats and blackmail because of clothes is plain abuse.

How to escape this situation

If they really love you, they’d let you dress the way you like and what you are feel comfortable in. 

Remember, the relationship should bring out the best in each other, even in the looks and clothing department.

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Image: If your partner blackmails or threatens you based on the clothes you wear, take it as a warning sign.
Photographs: Illustration by Uttam Ghosh/Rediff.com
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Warning sign #5: I'm watching you

There are two sides to exchanging passwords.

It could be that you trust each other and do not find the need to share them or that you have nothing to hide so you disclose them.

Cyber stalking would include constant checking of accounts, replying to e-mails and messages from your account and more importantly, without your knowledge.

How to escape this situation

If you believe that sharing passwords invades your privacy, don't do it. But if you and your partner already know each other's, refrain from constant, sly checks.

Instead, confront them directly and question them if you need some kind of clarification.

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Image: Don't let your partner invade into and stalk your personal accounts.
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Warning sign #6: Humiliation

Humiliation includes anything from putting you down, blackmailing you emotionally, saying profane and demeaning things and even going to the extent of raising their hands when they don't have the last word on a certain issue.

How to escape the situation

No one, we mean, no one, deserves to be mistreated.

Even if it's a joke or something said with malice in mind, never put up with any form of humiliation.

If it happens once, brush it off with a warning, but if it doesn't cease, it will be best to sever ties than to anticipate reform in your partner.

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Image: If you're a victim of humiliation -- physical or emotional -- you're in a wrong relationship.
Photographs: Illustration by Uttam Ghosh/Rediff.com
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Warning Sign #7: The blame game

As detrimental as the lack of trust is, the blame-game in a relationship means nothing other than damage -- a sign of emotional abuse, blaming the other person for something that they haven't done is wrong.

How to escape this situation

Communicate with your partner before pointing fingers.

If the fault is yours, take responsibility, apologise and do not repeat the mistake again.

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Image: If you resort to blame-game constantly, your relationship is in trouble.
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Warning sign #8: Where, why, with whom?

Your partner needs to know where and with who you are, but that's that. 

If they constantly inquire about your location and company even after mentioning it to them, you know that they do not trust you.

It could also be bad if they go to the extent of suddenly showing up to check if you were telling the truth.

How to escape this situation

Let your partner know where you are and when you will be back.

You can also fill them in on what you are doing and a time you will return. But make it clear that you are not a child to be monitored.


Image: If your partner constantly monitors your whereabouts and schedule even after you've updated them, chances are s/he doesn't trust you.
Photographs: Illustration by Uttam Ghosh/Rediff.com
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