7 steps to deal with a break-up and get over your ex
The only way to get through a break-up is to deal with it. Razi Shaikh gives you the seven steps to post-breakup heaven. Illustrations: Uttam Ghosh
When you think of relationships, you think of the love, the happy times and all the smiles in between. But one aspect which we ignore, one that is not so pleasing, is the possibility of a break-up. Face it, sometime or the other, you have got to deal with it.
Ironically, love prepares us for everything in life but not for break-ups. You may be the dumper, the dumpee, or might be harbouring the illusion of a break-up by 'mutual consent'. Whatever the case may be, it is going to hurt. The only way to get through a break-up is to deal with it. Here's how you can.
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1. Accept that it is over
This is the obvious part that will pinch you the most. Understand and accept the fact that your relationship and your ex are both history.
It is tempting to assume that all may not be over and that some ray of hope may still be lingering in your relationship. These assumptions are at best mistaken fallacies that will end up hurting you even more.
Do yourself a favour. Accept the end and look ahead. That way, you give yourself a true chance.
This does not pertain only to the negative feelings that may be brewing in your head. Every time you open your closet or pass through your room, chances are high you will bump into stuff that will remind you of your ex.
You don't want to sit down and start brooding all over again, so it is best that you clear out the stuff. Burn it, trash it or donate it. If you still want to preserve your memorabilia, fill it in a box and stash it in a corner. Either way, get it out of your sight.
Technology in our everyday lives makes avoiding your ex a big challenge, but it is not exactly an impossible thing to do.
Log onto Facebook, Twitter and every place that functions as your abode on the Internet and disconnect from your ex. You don't want to see updates from your ex and go reeling back into the past, because it is just not worth it.
Says Abhishek Shah, an MSc student, "I would delete her pictures and messages from my phone and trash all the things that remind me of her as well. All in all, I'll make sure I don't hurt myself anymore."
Resist the urge to text your ex. Give yourself time and your mind some peace.
4. Introspect. Write.
Relationship gurus swear by this technique. Write what you feel. Pour out your heart on paper.
Don't mince words, but don't abuse your ex either. Frame it as a letter, write till your heart feels light and then find an envelope and seal the letter. Trash it or keep it. Either way, you will feel better.
While you are at it, use this time to do some serious introspection. Carry along the positives of your relationship and learn from the negatives. Understand if you were at fault and try not to repeat the mistakes.
5. A new relationship? Wait!
If you have been at the receiving end of the dumping equilibrium, you may still be smarting at the behaviour dealt out to you. But jumping into a new relationship when you haven't recovered from the blows of the previous one is definitely a big NO.
It may salvage your ego and boost your self-esteem, but the timing is just not right.
Give yourself a break, and enjoy some 'me' time. When you are back to your normal self and ready to start anew, only then go for the new guy or chick that's been catching your eye.
6. Back to life!
Says Sanjana Bhadsavle, 18, "A break-up is not the end of the world! Head over to your best friend's place. Enjoy the day, make memories, party hard and move on with life!"
Regardless of whether you remember it or not, before the relationship, you did have a life. You had friends, a jolly group of them. Head to a gathering of your friends, socialise and get your mood right. Join some classes, volunteer for some work. Indulge in activities that help you de-stress. Hit the gym or go for a jog, because exercise really lifts your spirits.
It is normal to feel low after a break-up, so indulge in your favourite activities. Treat yourself. There's no reason for you to stay unhappy.
7. Let go
Preposterous as it may sound, forgiving your ex is probably the best and most mature thing you could ever do in such a situation. Ask yourself. What good does it even do to resent or hate your ex?
Hating someone never liberates you from your pain. But forgiving does. Remember it was not so long ago you used to care for that person. Invoke that caring bit of you and forgive your ex and forgive yourself. You know you have truly moved on when you let go of the anger and resentment.
Says Kasturi Wagh, an interior designing student, "Remind yourself that even if it ends, it is important to cherish the good times you shared and not cry about it." Keep the good memories, the smiles you shared and move ahead.
A break-up and how you deal with it can definitely make you a better person. Learn from it and deal with it. As they say, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade.