Ravinder Singh: I shared my grief with others
Bestselling author Ravinder Singh played Love Guru to Rediff readers today
In an hour-long chat, Singh took questions on matters of the heart.
Here is the transcript of the interaction:
Dear sir I wanted to tell u that i am dating with my boyfriend since last 2 years we both love each other a lot.
Lately I have been some doubt for him. Now he is not picking up my call like he was doing earlier.
We have started fighting on small-small things. I just wanted to confirm that is anyone comes in his life now? I am worried.
Take a break. Don't constantly keep thinking about it.
Find out if u two miss each other.
Things change in relationships. Talk with each other and give each other the much needed space as well.
Never met him, but fell for him. It ws a matrimonial proposal.
Pata nahien kab pyaar hogaya.
It ws for 3 mnths though, it endd on 1st Jan'13,his parents disagree 4 kundli mismatch.
Pyaar to dono taraf se tha,bahut samjhaya ushe. he gt engaged in Dec'13,n am still waiting.
Waiting 4 a miracle. Wondering was it not LOVE
They do. But you should not wait for it.
One miracle could be that you finally moved on and entered a happy life.
5 years from now when we chat next, who knows you may be in happy life. You will then call it a miracle.
So this girl and I have been dating for some 10 months now.
She doesn't want to talk about it to anyone though. I asked her what she would like me to do to make it official.
I hate hiding my relationships from people.
I asked her if she is ashamed of me.
She says she isn't.
Asked her why then?
No response. Should I break up or just respect her opinion. And for how long?
Perhaps she is scared of her parents knowing about your relationship.
Win her trust and if you are at the right age of marriage and are matured enough to talk to each other's families, you must initiate a conversation.
Hehe… u came to my college. DTU. if u remember, how was the experience?
Wonderful. Would love to come again
Thank u sir! :)
How did you get over your first love?
I actually wrote about it. I shared my grief with others.
I picked up writing and gave myself a goal to chase.
I was busy with this project for 1.5 years.
I wanted to know what are your thoughts on one-night-stands?
If two people are fine with it and have no issues, then it is a free country and this isn't illegal.
My girlfriend pointed out to me that I don't have a lot of friends and that I should make some.
I don't feel the need.
She says I should get friends because I shouldn't feel alone if she breaks up with me. Is that a hint?
I don't know if that is a hint or not. I haven't interacted with her.
However, one must have enough friends.
You see your better half and your friends can never replace each other, but friendship is a wonderful gift and one must cherish this.
I am addicted to porn. This is causing an issue between my future wife and me. How do I get rid of it (it's very difficult you know)
No one is perfect. We all have some personal issues and problem.
May be you guys need to sit and talk over this shedding the inhibitions and bringing in rationales.
If it is a do and die situation, you must clarify things with utmost honesty. You don't want to hide things from each other after marriage.
So I remember this line from Finding Forrester. In which William Forrester tells his young friend that women will sleep with you if you write a book.Is it true? Has that happened to you :-)?
No. I don't think that writing books has to do anything with that.
What is the best advice you've got about love?
I never asked for any advice on this subject. It happened naturally to me.
This is not my real name. I *think* I am gay. How do I know for a fact?
I may not have the right answer. But what makes you think that you are gay?
Ravin I read you all the books.
These are really touching specially love can happened twice.
In fact I wanted to know where is Simar
Well honestly, I don't know where she is.
I have been trying to convince my girlfriend of two years to move in with me. We spend more money on living and maintaining our homes and less time together.
We're as good as married (you know what i mean) and I don't see why we shouldn't live together.
That way we can save up for our marriage.
But she doesn't get it. What do I tell her?
Find out what bothers her. If you are as good as a married couple there is nothing that should stop you.
Certainly there are her inhibitions to commitment.
If you are in love, marriage is bliss.
So my girlfriend is a slob.
She keeps creating mess everywhere she goes. I am the exact opposite.
We've talked about it and she says she understands.
I *really* love her and frankly this is the only thing that's keeping me from asking her to marry me.
It'd be horrible to break up wouldn't it? But you also get my problem, right?
Compliment her on things that she is good at.
Then come to this subject that bothers you.
Tell her that how much you love her.
Then tell her that if she can take care of certain things, how much you will appreciate that.
Ravin, not sure you read it.
We've spoken of it. Like four times.
I have read it.
But I am saying perhaps the way, the timing needs attention.
There must be something that she wouldn't like about you.
Fix it and expect her to reciprocate with what you want.
My wife slaps me in public. I don't like it and I have told her this several times.
She doesn't understand.
We've spoken several times.
What do I do?
How do you allow that to happen?
If you haven't been able to convince her so far, lodge an FIR.
So this girl and I have been good friends for over three years now.
She talks to me about everything including her love life in time I have known her she's been with at least three (really horrible) guys.
She says I am the only real friend she's ever had.
Problem is, I *really* like her.
Should I ask her out?
What do you mean you like her?
If you mean you love her, then propose her.
So we have a situation.
She's pregnant and we aren't married.
What do we do?
This shouldn't have happened. But now that it has happened, get married.
Hope you guys love each other.
You tell me Ravin can love happened twice
Depends from person to person.
Everyone says sex is overrated. Do you think so too?
When we talk too much about it, we unintentionally land up overrating it.
We may be doing so right now as well :)
How do you stop missing someone?
You miss because you have the time to miss. Fill in this time by doing things that you like.
My girlfriend of five years dumped me. I really need to get back. but I cannot. how do I get over her?
Indulge in your hobbies.
Pick up new ones.
Pass on your time doing things you love.
Go out on vacation with good old friends.
So I have a girlfriend who openly flirts with other men.
It bothers me. I've asked her why she does it but she hasn't given me a satisfactory answer.
Should I break up?
What are you waiting for?
How do I score a date this valentines day? Please help
This isn't a game, where in you need to score.
Don't push yourself.
Be natural and yourself.
My girlfriend wants to have sex but I am not ready for it. What do I do?
Explain her your rationale and listen to hers.
If the two of u love each other, you will come to an agreement.
Photographs: Ulises Rodrigue/Reuters