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'Dear Love Guru...': Responses to email!

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February 20, 2008

Love Guru has been receiving tonnes of email asking to help with people's relationships and love problems.

Are you facing a similar dilemma? You just may benefit from reading the solutions that have been sent out in response to the following questions!

I am in love with a boy since 2004,he resides in europe & I know him through yahoo chat. I love him madly & he says he also loves me a lot but he says his father doesnot want him to marry me , his father have chosen a girl for him , now my love says he might be have to marry the girl his father chosen for him and his family also want that. but my boyfrnd said he loves me a lot he will not coming to india until his father died.we both love eachother very much.i want to marry him but lots of problem. what to do? will he come to India for marrying me?I love him truely madly deeply.

Rupa Mukherjee

My dear, it remains to be seen whether this boy of yours will come to India for you, but don't get your hopes too high.
Have you ever met him in person? You can't have a relationship through chat --- things don't work that way, once you are with your partner in person, only then can you decide whether you want to spend the rest of your life with him/ her.
I don't know what your loved one plans to do -- ideally, you should talk things out with him. If he says he is going to marry the girl his family has chosen, accept his decision and move on in life. This situation seems messy to me.

Love Guru

Hi, Love Guru I am following up a girl of my locality for the last three years. But i have not the courage to have direct talk with her. I am little bit of worry about my economic standard in compare with the girl. Thougu i love her a lot i haven't talked with her. And the way she behaved with me when ever i have encounter in raods it seemed that she also likes me. Please suggest whether i should approach her?


Well, Sanjoy, I think you're being a little hasty when you say you're in love with this girl if you don't even know her! You're attracted to her -- you can't be in love with someone you don't know at all!
What you need to do is get a common friend to introduce you -- if you don't have one, the next time you bump into her at a shop or on the street, simply greet her with a smile. Keep doing that until one day you get the opportunity to have a conversation with her.
In this manner, become her friend, get to know her and then decide whether you're in love with her or not -- and more importantly, whether she feels the same about you. I think you are worrying prematurely about your socio-economic status.

Love Guru

you didnt amswered my set of question
any ways
here my complex situation is:
I have got one friend
we knwo each toher very well and are fully compatible
she always feels kinda of support when i talk to her and also I take lot care of her,counsel when she is sad
but the problem is she has already promised some one else
with him she is not as compatible as she is with me
only thing that she considers is she promised that person
Now what shall i tell to her, shall make her realize that she would be more happy with me
but i afraid she may feel bad about me if ask her this
pls suggest me
and also they are inter religion
she is hindu- north
and he is telugu 

Jai S

Hi Jai,
         You need to tell your friend how you feel about her.

More importantly, as her friend, you need to tell her she should not marry someone she doesn't love and is not compatible with. Promising someone to marry them is no reason to stick to such a promise and ruin your whole life. Your friend needs to know that it's not wrong to think of her own interests in this matter and to change her decision.

But I do need to tell you one thing -- it doesn't matter that she and the other boy are not of the same caste. To me, such things are non-issues. Don't bring that up at all with her.

Love Guru

 Hi love guru, I love my wife very much. but she says I am very unromantic. What I should do? 


What a question, Deepak! How to be romantic?
Buy her flowers!
SMS her in the middle of the day and say you're thinking of her!
Cook her dinner at home and dine by candlelight!
Cuddle up with her to watch a movie!
Most of all, make your feelings of love known to her through your gestures and don't be embarrassed to talk about your feelings of love to your wife!

Love Guru

Hi Love Guru,

I am in love with a girl who has been liking / loving me since last one and a half year back. I came to know about it just 6 months back when she expressed her love for me. Thereafter I too fell in love with her. Now we are deeply in love with each other and wish to marry each other. We both are adult.
The problem is she is just half my age and moreover I am a divorcee. Also her parents are against the funda of LOVE. She loves me very much and i am afraid that if her parents refuse to accept our love she may leave her parent's house and come to stay with me. Please advice, is it OK and if not what should I do?

An early reply will be highly appreciated....

With regards,


Hi Manoj,
                You being a divorcee is not an issue. But you being twice her age is very much an issue -- if she is even a day younger than the age of 24, I would say you're making a huge mistake. A girl younger than that hardly knows what she wants from life and may just have a crush on an older man -- in this case, you. And you are taking advantage of her immaturity.

If she's not that young, there are other issues. Do you think you two will be compatible? Will you be able to compromise on life so your wife can enjoy her youth? Is this truly love, or only an infatuation?

Ask yourself these questions and if you decide you truly love her and she truly loves you then go ahead and get married, or start living together, as you wish. Don't expect her parents to accept it either. If you're lucky, they may once you're married and a few years have elapsed.

Love Guru

 Hii Love Guru,

        Hope ur fine. I have asked u many a times while chating but u havnt replied to me. Its ok u were busy that time I can understand.

My problem is that I love one guy and he also loves me as he says to me. We both belong to the same caste and earlier there parents were ready for our marriage but due to some circumstances or u can say some misunderstanding created between our parents, they are not ready for our marriage. This person is saying to me that lets forget the past and it doesnt effect to our parents that much as we both belong to same caste. Earlier he said he will marry me when i will having my passport and i have applied for that and next month i will getting it in my hand. Now when i said to him for the marriage he said he is not going to marry anybody to the next one year i.e 09.

So tell me wat should i do in this situation as i love him very much as its not possible fo rme to forget him. Please suggest me wat should i do .



Neetu, this man is playing games with you. How can you accept such half-hearted explanations and excuses? He is playing you like a fiddle. "Get a passport, I'll get married now, I'll get married next year, I'll do this, I won't do that" -- what about YOU, girl? Don't you want things from life? Don't you have a say in these decisions?
If you insist on staying with this fellow, I can't help you -- you'll be taken advantage of. I would advise you to walk out on him and his double talking. If he truly loves you, he will approach you and ask you to marry him. If he doesn't, you'll only realise how little he cares about your feelings in the first place and you'll be rid of a selfish pig.

Love Guru


you said you will answer the queries by mail. so here it is:

i met a girl and she never told me she had a bf. soon i did find out she had a bf. but it was already late for me. i was already falling for her. i told her how i felt about her. thereafter, we came really close. intimacy increased. once we kissed each other. both of us were equally at fault (not mine or her alone). even after that we continued our friendship and came close (not physically). now her bf has asked her to leave me. she wants to leave me but she doesn't really want to leave me. i hope you get what i mean. everytime she talks to me or meets me now she feels very guilty. i cannot and don't want to leave her. she's taking her bf's side. i think the reason for this is that she thinks "he has been so good and forgiven me for what i've done". but honestly i don't think she would want to leave me if it was her decision.
i never want to leave her.

please advice.

thank you.

Well, if she doesn't want to leave him there's little you can do about it, my friend. I would suggest you talk to her and tell her the same thing you told me -- ask her whether she's staying with him because he's the decent sort and forgave her, or because she really loves him.

If she loves you, she should stop living a lie and leave her boyfriend -- explain that it's not fair to him either, because he also deserves someone who loves him, not someone who is with him out of a sense of obligation.

If, on the other hand, she loves him, you will just have to accept it and move on.

Love Guru

  Hi Luv Guru,

      Myself Netra, I need a Help from you. I am getting married in the month of april 2008, Ours is an arranged marriage,my fiance is bit introvert,reserved,don't like socialising more etc kind of a person, whereas i am exactly opposite to his qualities, I am really confused, should i go ahead with this marriage or not, basically he is good of heart, caring, loving, but can't express his love more to me & more he is mom's boy, so i am vry confused. Moreover his family members are orthodox and i believe in logical and practical thinking. Can we lead a vry peaceful and lovable life. I a vry confused, Will my proffesional as well as personal life will get affected because of all such qualities??
I agreed to this marriage b'coz of my parents ? Can i ever love him or i have to just adjust with him??????? I am really vry confused abt all this.

Will appreciate hearing from you soon on this.


         You will have to adjust to him and he will have to adjust to you. It works both ways. If you both compromise, it will work out.
As for his parents, however, that is a different matter. If you are going to be living with them, I would suggest you think twice about all this -- being of a practical turn of mind, their orthodox ways may not sit well with you. If you're going to be living alone with your husband in your own home, on the other hand, I don't think you'll have much of a problem.
Talk to your fiance about all this. Tell him that you'll accept his nature if he'll accept yours and also mention that you may find it hard to get along with his parents -- that, although you will respect and love them as your own, on a day-to-day basis, you would find it hard to subscribe to their beliefs. See what he has to say about everything. If he is willing to work things out, great. If he attacks you saying you're the problem, you may not want to get married to him at all.

Love Guru

 D/Sir Good Afteenoon,, I love A girl of upper cast 15 month ago. Still then we are to close to each other, We equally Have dream of life partener of eachother. I have told all about my self before dreaming her as life partner She eqaully resonse that she has no problem of my cast But Now Her family members are Searching boy for her. And She is not telling about me to her family But Should I Do Pls Suggest i can't live withour her beacuase She is not a part of my life but a heart of my life Pls Suggest


Is she willing to go against her family and marry you? If she is, then you can get married to her whether her family has a problem with it or not. If she doesn't want to go against their wishes, there's little you can do, my dear. So talk to her and see whether you both want the same thing or not. You can also try convincing her parents -- if they are reasonable people, I don't think there should be a problem.

Love Guru

Hi Love guru,

I have a
strange problem and I would appreciate if you could suggest some solution to it. I am married for two months with my girl friend and we have been into a relationship from past four years. The problem is the she does not wish to get physical with me. Before marriage she said that she only wished to have it post marriage and now she is not comfortable doing that as well. I have spoken with her and she says that she is not comfortable getting physical with me. The times we got physical, she just did for me and that is something I do not want. Kindly suggest some solution for the same. We have had much discussion, quarrels regarding the same but nothing has changed.

for your response!


I think your girlfriend is scared of getting intimate. You need to ask her what the problem genuinely is. Is she worried about hurting herself physically, or has she had a previous traumatic experience that has put her off getting intimate? Only honesty can solve this problem. The two of you could also opt to talk to a marriage counsellor -- she may be able to tellt he counsellor something she's not comfortable telling you.
But you do need to get help one way or another, because this situation is definitely not normal.

Love Guru

Do you have relationship trouble? Let the Love Guru help with your love problems! Tune in for the Love Guru live chat every Thursday at 2 pm IST, or then write to for a personal reply!

Advice from the Love Guru does not necessarily reflect the opinions of and should not be considered in the capacity of professional counselling.

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