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Is your partner being emotionally unfaithful?
November 23, 2007

So, you think your boyfriend's in love with someone else but you don't know what to do about it?


Or is your job causing you a lot of heartache? 


Maybe your long-term relationship looks like it's on it's last legs, but your partner won't admit it?


To ease and answer these and many other love and relationship troubles, Get Ahead's Love Guru hosted a chat with readers on November 22. 


For those of you who missed the chat, here's the transcript: 



Love Guru says, Hello, darlings! Yours truly is now here to remedy all your love problems!



priya asked, Hiiiii love guru!!! nice to see u guru i was in love with my computer teacher when i was in 2nd year now i m pursuing but still i am in luv with him..i know he'll never come back for me.He was also interested in my but i don't know wht happened with him. he started ignoring me. can u solve my problem??? waiting for ur great suggesion luv guru! take care!

Love Guru answers, Priya, my dear, if you are pursuing MCom you can't be more than 23 or 24 years old -- and I hope your computer teacher was not some 50-year-old sicko who likes to lead young girls on! If he started ignoring you, it's time to look elsewhere in any case! You're young -- live your life to the fullest before you think of settling down!



som asked, I proposed her 4 times but she said no..what to do?

Love Guru answers, Get the message -- she's not interested! You can't force your feelings on anyone!



rorel asked, I am 35 married man with two little kids. I am very active in sex. Recently my wife refuse to have sex with me in the mean time to increase my burden my gay lover also stop having sex with me. My wife knows that I am a bisexual and have a gay partner too. So, guruji pl advise and tell me how to revive my sex life again with both my wife and lover.

Love Guru answers, Mister, even if you're bisexual, there is no way you can justify having two partners -- even if one is a woman and the other a man! And you have kids? Shame on you! You're lucky your wife hasn't left you yet, forget denying you sex! Figure out whether you want to be faithful to your wife or your lover -- and stick with the decision, it will make it easier on your family, you selfish man!



Arabinda asked, Good afternoon, I'm Arabind fm Delhi. I have been love affair with a low caste girl since last 10 years. But my family (excluding my brothers and sister) oppose this proposal as we are higher caste than her. Im in the middle way that I cannot marry her without my family as well as I cannot live without her. My family has given me lots of effort so that I am in good stage, in anotherway she has encourage me to face all type of problem and keep concentrate on my study as well as carrier. Please tell me what I have to do. Just remember we have not meet since last 5 years but touch every week either in email or telephone.


Love Guru answers, Darling, 5 years in a long distance relationship is no relationship at all! You need to be together and get to know each other in person to be able to figure out whether you both want to be together! As for your family, I don't believe in this high-caste low-caste nonsense. Everyone is born equal! But you need to spend time with this girl and if it clicks, only then go ahead and take on your family's problem with her caste!



jigar asked, four months before i was engaged with the girl whose name is priyanka. at that time my first love came back to me suddenly which one i have lost before 4 years and she proposed me and in that critical situation i accpet her proposal and then i confess this in front of priyanka then priyanka left me but my initial view to say yes to my first love is just to take revenge what she does to me before four years. priyanka thought i have leave her for my first love and we broke up but now priyanka is engaged with other boy tell me what should i do ?

Love Guru answers, Revenge, huh? No wonder it came back to bite you hard -- you were happily engaged and should have left things alone. No good comes of intentionally harming people, Jigar, even if they've done you wrong sometime! You should have taken the high road. If you've explained to Priyanka what happened and she still wants to remain with her current fiance, it's her choice.



swaranmys asked, hello love guru. sir am in love with a girl. she is just 18 and am 29. am nt yet proposed to her,is this age difference of 11 yrs bt us is ok with love.r shall i drop her.actually am attracted r u can say am bowled her goodness n beauty.wat shud i do. shall i drop this relation r continue. plzzzzzzzzz advice me, am nt yet proposed 2 her. plzzzzzzzz i need ur suggestionsssssssss.

Love Guru answers, 18 is an age when you're thinking of college, friends and fun. At the age of 29, you're ready to settle down. An 11 year gap is not a problem, but the fact is you're both at very different places in your lives right now. think about that and if you can give your girl time and space to enjoy her life before settling down, approach her. Else don't.



RATEDR asked, im in luv with a girl who seems to be the girl i dream abt. But she is married to someone else. we are really very very good friend. She the best. What should i do?

Love Guru answers, The answer is simple -- drop it! She's married and unavailable to you, so don't put yourself in the position of a homewrecker. Also, if you approach her and she's happily married, you will most likely lose her as a friend too!



donna asked, hey love guru I used to like this guy way back in yr 9 and he used 2 like me too but now i maybe have a crush on him but whenever he sees me now he puts his head down ,what does that mean or he'll cover his face if he sees me what does that mean?

Love Guru answers, It means he's avoiding you! So take a hint even if it's hard on you, my dear -- it's not a situation worth getting muddled in. If you still want to pursue it, talk to some common friends -- they probably know the reason for this behaviour of his.



sriram asked, hi guru, i am dating 2 girls simoultaneosly. sometimes i find it very diffucult managing both in terms of spending time with each one of them.They don't know i am dating 2 girls at a time.I love both of them and I am unable to decide who loves me the there any test that will help me who likes me the most.please help me. thanks

Love Guru answers, Sriram, you should go for who you love more. Stop weighing their devotion to you, because different people have different ways of expressing love. And stop leading both on -- how would you feel if you discovered one of them has another boyfriend alongside you? Come clean soon!



muskan asked, i am having an affair from 8yrs. we luv each other a lot.But from last 1year,he has started liking another girl and also have sum feelings for her. i dnt know what's going on -- he never lied me anything? watever he feel abt her he has told me, but wat sud i do. plz tell me the solution.i cant live without him. also that girl luvs him, but my bf says that he loves only me. but he has admitted that he is unable to forget her, she is alwz in his mind..plz reply

Love Guru answers, Your boyfriend deserves a kick in the unmentionables! After 8 years, he falls for someone else, tells you about it and you accept it? What's wrong with you, woman? Next you'll be saying you don't mind him taking a second wife! Tell him straight to take his sob stories elsewhere. Either he stays with you and forgets that chick, or goes after her -- and be strong enough to give up this relationship, if necessary!



Mimi asked, Hi, i am in love with this man, married man. we have been going steady for 7 yrs now. he initially told me that he will have a divorce arranged and we will get married. time just flew all these years and now i dont want to wait any more. right now he is asking me for another 2 yrs, for which he is giving some reason which may me genuine. But i dont want to wait anymore. Its not as though i have great options around, but i am a successful business woman and attractive too. Its not about whether or not i want any more men in my life its just that i dont want to wait. And what makes things difficult is that he is in love with me and so am i.

Love Guru answers, Seven years he hasn't left his wife -- and you think he'll do it in the next two? Mimi, I think you know what's happening, but don't want to face it. He's leading you on. And that's what comes of getting involved with a married man, most of the time. Give him an ultimatum -- it's his wife or you. And don't be surprised if he says it's his wife -- because he hasn't let go of her for seven years, now!



nilesh asked, one gal love me but i know she was lot of boy friends and then wat should i do.

Love Guru answers, So what if she had lots of boyfriends? Her past is none of your concern. If you feel the same way about her and know her feelings for you are genuine, you're a fool to let such a thing stop you.



sandy asked, hi love guru i am married, but i have a friend in mumbai. very close friend since last 5 yrs. but we have never met we have only chat and talked in phone. She is a divorce. she is telling me to come to mumbai for 2-3 days. she will stay with me in a hotel for those days when i will be in mumbai. she wants to spent 2-3 days and night with me. I also want that as i love her very much. so what should i do, because i love her more then my wife. should i go and have thing between us.

Love Guru answers, You've never met this woman and yet you're considering cheating on your wife with her! Shame on you! I don't need to answer this -- just ask yourself how you would feel if your wife did the same thing to you! It's bad enough you're chatting with this woman, because you've cheated on your wife emotionally already! Plus, meeting strangers in hotel rooms isn't exactly safe -- it would serve you right if she conned you and stole all your valuables!



Tarak asked, Sir, I love my sweet latha who belongs to chennai and for her i took my career & life in risk & been there at chennai for three years. Now I'm well settled and want to get back to her. she left me only becaused i doubted on her but it was not that. how to get back to her. I'm 35 and if i wont get her then wont marry at all

Love Guru answers, If you've apologised enough and she won't accept it, maybe something else is the problem. You've done everything possible for this woman -- left your hometown, your family and your job to pursue a future with her. I can understand that you suspecting her of infidelity must have hurt her deeply, but if you've done everything you can to get back in her good graces, maybe you should ask her frankly what the problem is. All you can do in such a situation is apologise and turn over a new leaf. asked, Hello Sir, Good afternoon I was loving a girl more than any one else in my life. i was doing everything to make her happy. She has told me also few time that she is loving me, but many times she has told she likes me and she knows that i care for her a lot. But now from past few months after joining to job she slowly stopped talking to me, she is saying she is scared of talking with me, because i fight a lot with her. and now we are not talking only, only once in a week. But i still love her truthfully. Can u pleasee advice me something on this problem

Love Guru answers, It seems to me you're the insecure, jealous type. You must be trying to boss over her, telling her what to do and how to behave. That's probably why she's scared of you. You need to wisen up before you lose this girl entirely. Talk to her, tell her you'll turn over a new leaf. Lose your temper, lose her.



Mimi asked, Hi again, its not his wife. what i know is that she has moved on too. theres a child involved. And he wants 2 years to put him in a boarding school. i dont know, i am too confused.

Love Guru answers, If his wife is with someone else and he's with you, they both need to know that they should separate for their child's sake. It can be very scarring for a little one to see his parents living in the same house and going out with two different people.It will be easier on him of they separate. And two years for admission to boarding school? That doesn't make sense.





Love Guru answers, Why? I'm here to help people with their relationship problems, not give you flowery introductions! If you have no reason to be in this chat room, move out! There are others here who really want help with their lives, so don't waste my time!



Priyaonline asked, Well, Its not my problem for which I am concerned right now. But of my Best friend. He really loves a girl, but to some reasons they got broke off. & now, it is very difficult for him to forget her. He says that he cannot forget her (as every one says). I know this too, it is hard to forget a person whom you love a lot. But atleast with the time passing by & change in situations, one has to move on. I have tried to make him understand this number of times, but he is not understanding. He even cries & tells me that it is getting difficult for him to bear this. I dont know what to do in this situation. I can't see him like this.

Love Guru answers, Its nice of you to be so concerned for your friend, my dear. Tell him to take a vacation, clear his head. The pain lessens with time -- if that's not happening with him, it's because he won't let it. Tell him that if he can't let go emotionally, he should distance himself physically. Take a trip with him, if necessary and take along a few friends. It will do him a world of good.



neetu asked,  Hii Love guru i love one guy and he also love me but when i ask him to marry me then he says that the moment u will have ur passport next day i will marry u and i have applied for the passport and when i told him that i have applied it now u can marry me then he said no after u get apssport then i will marry u tell me what should i do and should i trust that person

Love Guru answers, Something fishy's going on here -- even if you both are planning on going abroad, why is he still so concerned with your passport even after you've applied for it? Keep your eyes open and make sure you know everything that's going on about this guy.

sdeep asked, 
can you give me way out to avoid unnecessary quarrels in a relationship?

Love Guru answers, There's only one way -- compromise! You give in a little, your partner gives in a little. If you meet halfway, you won't quarrel so much.



PyarMeDhokha asked, I am in love with atleast twenty three girls as per my last count? Can you help me screen this list to make it shorter. Man, I am spending too much money, and need to reduce my expenditure. There is a limit to cheating on my current wife you know. I feel guilty at times.

Love Guru answers, You have an impressive imagination. I'm guessing you're a loser who actually lives alone and in drunken moments sees things that aren't there -- like 23 girls -- or a wife. Are you drunk right now?



anttus asked, Sir this is the third time I am asking you. One more thing I want to add that the girl knows everything & both are very desperate. They move out talks over the phone even he dosnt sleeps with me since 1 & a half year. Plz suggest. I think her family also wants them to go together.

Love Guru answers, I'm sorry my dear, I'm being flooded with questions. I haven't seen yours, but it sounds like your husband is having an affair? If he's being so cruel as to talk to her over the phone in front of you, just leave him. I know it's hard, but it's apparent that he doesn't care for you. You have your whole life ahead of you and will meet someone who deserves you soon enough -- your husband doesn't.



notfair asked, hi. i love a female who is a friend of mine. she considers me as a small kid and doesnt understand me much. though we both are of same age. may be she thinks i am not matured enough to understand things but its not the case. she does not understand my feelings. i want to make her understand and feel her who and what i am. after which i may get an oppurtunity to get along with same wavelength and get to know my feelings and possession. how is it possible?

Love Guru answers, By talking to her. Tell her how you feel, but if she doesn't feel the same way about you, then there's nothing you can do about it, honey. Just remain friends if she says no.



sdeep asked, can you please explain what do you mean by meeting halfway?? i have actually tried to compromise and even my partner has, but quarrels are increasing day by day.what is the way out??

Love Guru answers, It means you both give in a little. If your partner wants to eat dinner out and you want to eat at home, for example, compromise by ordering outside food and eating it at home! Get the idea?



nagesh_babuc24 asked, One girl is loving me a lot from an year.. Even i liked her. She is my best friend sister. he came to know that she is loving me. I dont like to hurt my parents and i'm not ready to marry now itself. my parents look for cost/religion. So pls guide me what to do and whether our parents are agree for our Love.

Love Guru answers, First talk to your parents. Stop anticipating a problem where there isn't one yet. And since she is your best friend's sister, chances are your parents know your friend's family too, right? That may help your situation.



loved asked, Hi, I am 26, I am a full time online currency trader. I trade forex from my home through the internet and earn more than any other job on a regular basis. I earn 50+ per month regularly, but my GF says my ebusiness is not recognized in the society and is saying that she will leave me. I cannot change the business where i am so good, but i really love my GF. What should i do ?

Love Guru answers, As long as you're making good money in an honest manner, what's her problem? You're earning as much as managers in big companies! Looks to me like your girlfriend is a little too conscious of her own image in society -- tell her that as long as you're making enough to support her lifestyle and doing it honestly, she has no right to question you!



jeevan asked, Hi, i am a sweet boy and i dont have any problems in my body but some how i really same sex to enjoy, what can i do, i like sweet males like anything, what to do

Love Guru answers, Jeevan, it seems to me that you're gay. There's nothing you can really do about it, honey -- it's just the way you are.



amji18 asked, Respected loveguru, am from Bangalore. i am in love with a girl. she too is a muslim and of the same category. my parents accepted my love, but her daddy is very stubborn in his decision that his daughter has to be get married with a guy who earns in lakhs, that too in abroad. i am working in bangalore, earning more than 18k / month. even my parents went and talked to her daddy. but still he dint give any reply regarding this matter. my daddy is a police officer. her daddy is a business man. now she is been house arrested in her home. am praying to GOD to make our true love success. kindly tell me what to do in this matter loveguru? her parents should accept our love. thats all i want.

Love Guru answers, There's very little you can do to change such people's minds -- they only judge you by the size of your bank balance. If her father has not said an outright 'no' to your folks, maybe there's hope. Wait and see before taking any extreme measures. Also, it seems like your girlfriend is accustomed to the finer things in life. Young love is all fine, but will you be able to provide her with the same lifestyle her father did? If not, she may become unhappy or dissatisfied.



Love Guru says, That's it for today, folks -- sorry I can't answer all your questions! You can always catch me again next week, same time, same place! Till then, all the best!



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