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'Don't pressure your girlfriend to have physical relations'
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November 08, 2007

My boyfriend has left me, what should I do?

I just found out my husband is having an affair, how do I confront him?

My parents are against my girlfriend because she belongs to a different caste, how do I handle the situation?

In a chat with readers on November 1, Get Ahead's Love Guru answered these and several other queries related to matters of the heart.

For those of you who missed it, here is the transcript.

 Love Guru says, Greetings, love birds! Love Guru is now here to solve your relationship problems!

ria asked, My bf does not speak to me..He says he never loved me. What do i do? I love him very much.

Love Guru answers, Well, dearie, if he's broken up with you and says he never loved you in the first place, give him a swift kick up his backside and move on in life! He doesn't deserve you!

sushant asked, we'r in love for last 5 suddenly i suspect my partner is interested in and is developing some close bonds with someone through Orkut...what shud i do? when i asked indirectly, the reply was..."nodear, i am only yours" but i can't think of anything else now...this bug is eating me...what to do? i am ready to leave my partner if only once there is confession that it is true...i can't stand it anymore...plz advice.

Love Guru answers, Sushant, remember one thing -- a girl will never let go of one branch until she's caught hold of another! So demand answers or tell her it's over! On the other hand, make sure that your fears are well-founded -- if you're the insecure, possessive type of boyfriend, learn to trust your partner and don't be so suspicious!

wajid asked, i loved a girl and she loves me too and we want mary but her mother does'nt happy with our relationship and dont agree for our marriage wat should i do? plz answer me.

Love Guru answers, Try talking to her mom -- see why she opposes the relationship. If you're not well-settled or well-educated, take some time to become independent and capable of supporting your wife before you marry. If it's a caste issue, then try convincing your would be mom-in-law. If she still doesn't listen, all you can do is go ahead with your plans and hope she comes around eventually!

onlyme556 asked, good afternoon sir. i loved a girl and she also loved me. we had some joy moments. i have kissed her lips and ************** but she has left me. i am puzzled. answer me sir.

Love Guru answers, Well, if she doesn't love you anymore, there's no hope -- move on, my friend. And there's no need to get into such graphic details -- you were physical, I get it!

TheCoolKid asked, hi.. i have a frnd who cares for me.. shares with me.. we have been in contact through chat & fone.. i have never met her.. but feel she's the one.. she's broken up wid her ex-boy frnd.. how to know if the she loves me or not?

Love Guru answers, CoolKid, you can't fall in love over the phone or the Internet. Meet this girl, hang out with her, get to know her properly and then see if both of you want to take it further. Talking to someone every day and spending the rest of your life with a person are two VERY different things!

Harsha asked, I n my husband dont get along so we split, but now he doesnt agree for divorce, what to do?

Love Guru answers, Is he disagreeing because he wants to give the marriage another chance, or purely to harass you? If it's the former and since you did decide to get married in the first place, give it a second chance -- more so if you share a child/ children. If he's only harassing you, fight for the divorce to come through in court.

KP asked, My gf sends confusing signals, sometimes she acts as if she likes me and sometimes she acts otherwise. Also she she acts as if she is scared. What should I do?

Love Guru answers, Tell her you're confused with her on/ off behaviour and to come clean about it. And as for being scared -- is she scared of you? Do you have a hot temper, or are you unapproachable? If it's something else, let her know that she has to tell you the truth.

LAKSHMIINDIRA asked, I want to know how my married life will b guruji?

Love Guru answers, I am not an astrologer, darling! I'm only here to give advice!

wajid asked, i belong too shia muslim and she is sunni that the diffrent sir plz answer me.

Love Guru answers, Caste/sect should never be an issue in love, but make sure of your decision. Cultural differences can create problems in a relationship. Learn to embrace each other's culture and live in harmony -- it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.

asish asked, we are being good frnds from three years and i am unable to express my feelings towards her i think she also has same feelings towards me what to do love guru?

Love Guru answers, Are you a man or a mouse? Talk to her and tell her how you feel! Also assure her that if she doesn't feel the same way, you'll still be the same friend to her that you always were. And get to it soon, or another guy with more guts will approach her first!

aarti asked, hi, it's about my friend, I am worried about her. she is in luv with a muslim guy, everything was gud in the begning, but now he is telling her to take the islam religion fully. she told him dat for him and his family concerns she will do whatever is possible in front of them, but at the same time allow her to worship her own religion also. she spoke to him abt this. But he is just not ready for it. My friend is in complete distress, What should i tell her to do?

Love Guru answers, No-one should force you to do anything in a relationship -- being in love is all about compromises. She should tell this guy to buzz off -- if she gives in now, remind her that she will be giving in to his ultimatums for the rest of her life and will end up very unhappy.

priya asked, if a guy (to whom u love) says that you are a nice girl and u will get any guy u like, but it can't be me, what does he mean? and especially if he confessed earlier that he can't imagine his life without u.

Love Guru answers, He means he's not in love with you, sweetie. Either that, or he's very confused. Talk to him upfront and find out what he feels. Also tell him not to play games with you, because you'll start looking for someone else if he says no.

nitika asked, hi, i am nitika n my problem is my boyfriend loves me n a gal too he is ready to marry me the day i say but not ready to leave that gal as he cant marry her nor bring her too so he says he loves both of us n he will try n forget her but he need time for that.

Love Guru answers, Stop letting him have his cake and eat it too! Tell him not to play the victim here, since he's the one messing around with two girls' lives! Give him an ultimatum -- it's her or you. And if it's her, walk away. This fellow seems shady to me anyway!

Peter asked, Hi.. I was in a relationship with a girl for a year and a half... We broke off coz we thought that it would help us to understand the importance of the relationship... And when i actually understood, she says she is no more in it and doesnt even wants to talk about it any more. Its really difficult for me to stay without her but she says it would be gr8 if i dont talk to her.... What should i do?

Love Guru answers, Peter, no-one breaks up to "understand the importance of a relationship"! If this was her idea, I think she only wanted to get out of the relationship. Wake up, my dear -- she doesn't want to be with you, so move on in life. It shouldn't be so difficult, considering you have been without her for 18 months already!

ankur asked, i m in luv wid a childhood friend of mine.. i luv her deeply. but she is in luv wid a guy who was in her college. whenever she had some fight with that guy she came to me. and she said she loved me. but then again and again she went back to him as she had to meet that guy in the college daily. but now her family members dont want her to marry that guy coz he is of other caste and she also says that she doesnt wants to maary him but she also says that she still loves him.. talks are going on for me and her in her family and i really want to support her in anything she wants. what should i do?

Love Guru answers, What you should do, is sit her down and ask her whether she would want to marry him if he was of the same caste as her. If that is the only reason she is staying away from him, she is agreeing to marry you for her parents' approval and convenience's sake. Tell her to truly decide who she wants in her life and not rush into marriage with you before she is sure.

tarunbera asked, After nice conjugal life with a son of one year, my wife attract to my freind visiting to my house whome i belive and share bed. Lastly she asked divorce and get married to my freind who also divorce his wife. I am living with my son with expectation that my son will get back his mom. Presently she is pegnant second time as first one died after birth. we dont have communication last three years even with my son too. It was a love marriage where her parent never eccept me due to lac of enrichment of money & status. Can we expect her return as mom as well as my loving....? Your valued comment may eneble us for our future paln. I am 43 years old and she is now 31 years.

Love Guru answers, I'm sorry to say your ex-wife is of weak character. If she married your friend and abandoned your son and you, you shouldn't be asking whether she will come back, because I hope for your sake she doesn't. Try to move on in life, my dear. My best wishes to your son and you.

Pete asked, Hi Sir: i have a lovable g/f and we are in a serious relationship for more than 1 year. the problem is that, whenever i develop a feeling to make love with her while talking on phone, she never responds. if luckily she responds then on next day she feel guilt. i have tried a lot to make her open so that we can share our love making feelings but she says not now it would be after marriage. what should i do? because i dont want to force her or this and neither i want to depress my love making feelings. where should i go to share that? please advice!!!

Love Guru answers, Don't push her into anything -- if she wants to wait till marriage it is her choice, really. And if you're teenagers below the age of 21, I'd say she's absolutely right not to want to get physical too soon.

Kiran asked, Hi I love a girl who is my colleague. But not able to express it. I fear that if i express she may decline and my parents may also won't accept that. What do you suggest?

Love Guru answers, Well, office relationships are tricky, at best -- if things don't work out it will be awkward for you and her. Get to know her as a friend first -- then, once you have her confidence, take things further and tell her how you feel. As for your parents, I think it's too early to be thinking of that -- jump that hurdle when it comes.

GG asked, Hi Love Guru.. I am deeply in Love with a bubbly girl I met 3 years back. She is now settled out of India but we are in touch with each other. I dont know what feelings she has for me, or if she takes me as a friend. But I would like to get married to her. I am 28 and she is 26. How do I find out or propose her for marriage? I dont want to lose her if she is not interested. The fear of losing her is what keeps me away from proposing her.

Love Guru answers, Nothing ventured nothing gained, GG! Talk to her -- tell her you've started developing feelings for her, but that if she doesn't feel the same way, you'll nip them in the bud and still remain friends.

Amu asked, Dear Love guru, I was engaged to a girl two years back. However just 20 days before marriage our(both) family broke up the engagement due to an issue on nonliking of Wedding saree. Me and my fiancee are not in contact since then. I have an account on orkut and some how we both managed to see each other profile. Everytime i logeed in everyday, i see her in my visitors list everyday. I tried to cal lher but she banged the phone , also tried to convince her relatives but vain. My parents are looking for a bride and i dont wont to marry anyone except her as i love her immensly. We are not i ntouch but still we connect each other through Orkut and visit each other profile. Please help me , i dont no what to do?

Love Guru answers, I think both your family and hers are lacking in common sense -- either that, or you're not telling me the truth! imagine breaking up a wedding over the sari! Talk to your folks and then hers. Also message her on Orkut and tell her of your plans to do so -- if you'll try to work on both your families together, it may work. asked, I was blind 3 years ago when i met my doctor gave my eyesight back and i find her really ugly...what to do?

Love Guru answers, Wear a blindfold, you insensitive freak! She stood by you even when you were handicapped and now based on appearances you want to break it off? I hope she dumps you -- that should solve your problems!

unim_1 asked, my girlfriend left me saying that she also don't know why she is leaving me. Can u suggest something to workout b/w us?

Love Guru answers, That's the easiest thing -- she doesn't love you and doesn't even have to give you an explanation! If there are other issues that are bothering her, talk to her about them and try to support her if she needs it. Otherwise I'd suggest you let this one walk!

jaydeep asked, i am working as an auditor in defence dept and i need a girl for marriage. i need good girl smart and beautiful.

Love Guru answers, We hand out relationship advice here, Jaydeep -- this isn't a matrimonials chatroom!

ahsan asked, hii love guru bhai me ahsan meri ek freind hai bahut zyada close nahi hai aur mujhse baat karne me bhi sharmati hai is wajah se mai bhi us se baat nahi kar pata do koi aisa idea jisse wo mujhe pasand karne lage ya mujh me interest lenelage i m waiting.

Love Guru answers, Jab tum usse dubara miloge, baat karna uske saath! Start to talk to each other and make friends first -- then see where it goes!

mitali asked, hi i came to know that my husband has another affair with another lady . How i should ask my husband?

Love Guru answers, Don't ask him anything -- just tell him off (provided you're 100 per cent sure he is guilty of the affair)! If he wants to continue with the relationship, it's up to you whether you want to give him a second chance, or walk out on him.

rahulsj asked, Hi loveguru, do u believe that love can happen only once?

Love Guru answers, No...a broken heart always mends, Rahul. If one relationship doesn't turn out the way you want, there are always other wonderful people out there for you to meet and fall in love with.

santu asked, after my 7years marriage. i like a unmarried girl her age just 16 she is also love me.pls tell me what i do now?

Love Guru answers, And what about your wife? Just because of your paedophilic fantasy, are you willing to throw a 7-year marriage out the window? Wisen up, mister! And stop chasing children!

ankur asked, yes she is marying me for her parents and slightly coz she doesnt wants to hurt me. the difficult part is that she keeps on talking to that guy on phone and i cant bear this pain. i have asked her a lot of times but she cant stop talking to her and i understand its difficult for her. what should i do?

Love Guru answers, Tell her to make a choice. She can't keep playing with your feelings like this. Either she cuts off all contact with the other guy, or then with you.

Love Guru says, Well, my time is up, dears! But I'll be back next week to provide solutions to all your relationship problems! Goodbye!

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