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Rejection: 'My mother in law spoiled my life'
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July 24, 2007

No one wants to be rejected when it comes to love.

It's painful, humiliating and can hurt your self-esteem.

But it's a cruel world, and most of us will face rejection before it's all said and done. The important point is not whether or not you get rejected, it's how you respond.

Will you bounce back and flourish? Or will you flounder and fall to pieces?

Let's look at an one woman's experience, sent in anonymously.

I
was married some two years back with a lot of dreams and expectations. It was arranged, and the marriage itself was a late one. I was 29 and he was 32. As we are orthodox south Indian brahmins, we believe in horoscope matching.

I moved in with my in-laws, as my husband is the only son and his elder sister is married. Right from day one, he was not the so-called 'loving husband'. In fact, the very first words he expressed in our privacy were, "My mother is everything to me and you are only second."

Though I accepted his love towards his mom, being an educated and well-employed person, I realised that he failed to understand the feelings of the other women in his life.

My mother in law had the type of personality that led her to tell everything about me to her son. For example, if my cooking -- which I am not an expert in, and also being employed, I did not have the time to cook in the expertise way -- iwas not up to her expectations, she would not say anything to me.

But in the evening when my husband returned, she would complain about my cooking in a normal tone to him, thereby giving him the notion that I was troubling, "the most important person in his life" -- his mother.

And thus, many small things like this inadvertently widened the gap between us. Though on the physical front, we were happy, somehow by his acts and intentions, he was communicating to his parents that he was not happy with me.

He had an attitude of 'tit for tat'. Through his mind and his actions, it was clear that I was not a perfect homemaker for his mother and that I was a burden to the family. I waited patiently for things to change for the better.

I hoped giving him a child would improve the situation. But God deceived me in that too, as I failed to conceive. My monthly cycles became a curse to my mother in law, and in directly, to my husband.

When my husband went for a job change to another city, unfortunately, my mother in law fell ill. And as usual, the cause was me. None of my explanations pacified the family and I was seen as someone trying to destroy her.

Per his intention, I joined him in the other city and took leave from my job. My mother in law refused to join us, stating that the new place would not suit her. I made all the arrangements to join him, at my own expense, and was there for a month.

During my absence she brought my husband's grandmother to the house. The 80+ woman poisoned my mother in law's mind against me. When I returned back after a month, her indirect comments increased and she started telling my husband that I was trying to snatch him away from her.

This agitated him, and eventually, he told me to go to my parents' house and come back only if he called.

Despite repeated attempts by my parents and my requests over phone or email, he just refuses to see or talk to me. He told his mother all the intimate things that happened between us during our one month together. She twists these details to her needs, telling people that I was a not a perfect wife to her son and that is the reason that the family has not grown.

My husband listens to her words, supported by my sister in law, and is asking for separation on the ground that "our minds are not matching".

I have refused this claim, but he has sent back all my things saying, "You were a shirt to me these two years. I'm fed up of this shirt!"

How can a person be like this? I am a very religious, god-fearing person and never did I expect such a situation to enter my life.

Now, I am in my parents' home with an uncertain future. All of this has happed because I loved my mother in law and called her, "mother". I don't know what she has gained by spoiling my life, and indirectly, her son's life. Is it not the duty of a husband to take care of the woman who has entered his life and his home?

Is she happy?

And above all, is this a gift in disguise, given to me by God?

--

Have you had such an incident in your life?

Did you face rejection? How did you deal with it? How has it affected you? What advice would you give others in a similar situation?

Alternately, did you reject someone? Do you think you handled the situation well? Or do you think you could have been more tactful? Do you regret what happened? Is there a way to say no gently? Is there advice you would like to share with people facing a similar scenario?

Write in and share your experiences with other Get Ahead readers.


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