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Handle relationships like a pro!
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April 23, 2007

Things are not working out between you and your mate and you want out of the relationship. How do you go about it? 


According to clinical psychologist Prachi Vaish, the best way to break up with your mate is to be honest with that person and to tell him/her that its just not working out.


These and a host of questions ranging from dominant personalities to oversexed wives were tackled during a chat on April 4.


For those who missed the chat, here's the transcript.



Prachi Vaish says, Hi everyone...this is Prachi here...I will take your questions now...let's see if we can work through your problems.



gfhg asked, Hi Ms Prachi, how to manage if in-laws try to keep pressure on my family.


Prachi Vaish answers, Hi gfhg, well you have not explained what kind of a pressure are your in-laws exerting on your family. Is it about dowry? If yes, then you can tell them clearly that it is illegal to emotionally torture some one for dowry now. Remember, no matter how conservative a family you come from, you have all the right to live your life happily and no-one can take that away from you. If it does not stop, or if the pressure is too much for you to take, you can contact any of the women's cells in your city and inform them anonymously of your situation. If you do not want such drastic steps, then try to increase communication between your in-laws and yourself and try to make them see how lucky they are to have you as a daughter in-law. All the best!!



siddhushah asked, Hi I am 30 yr old. We have 15 months daughter. I & my family give a lot of luv to my wife but she always has a rigid attitude. She never reciprocates love and always deals in her own way and upsets everyone. I am such a romantic person but she never reciprocates. She doesn't like doing household chores and never manages things and time well. We have spoken to her so many times. Once even her parents intervened and tried to make her understand. but in vain. Please advise how to deal with such kind of lady


Prachi Vaish answers, Hello Mr. Siddhu, well there has to be a reason why your wife is behaving like this. Have you tried asking her if she is happy in this marriage? Maybe she has some other expectations from you. Or it is also possible that you are not able to communicate your desires to her in a way that she would like. The maximum problems in marriages arise due to lack of proper communication. I would suggest that both of you see a professional marriage counselor in your city because you also have your daughter to think of and children sense parental problems very quickly. All the best!



Sajj asked, Good Evening Prachi, How are you doing? I'm in a problem, the problem is with my friend. She is close to me from past few years and she is not speaking to me from past 3 months and i'm very much disturbed. I have done mistakes coz of that she is not speaking to me, i have realized what mistakes i have dome and i have got the punishment the hardest way and now i'm pleading my friend to speak to me but everything is going in vain. Every moment i think of her and pray to god that she will speak to me again.. What should i do madam?? Plz help me.


Prachi Vaish answers, Mr Sajj, I'm glad that you have realised your mistakes and have had the courage to admit them to your friend. If she is still angry with you then you can ask her what more does she want you to do that would make her happy. Also, you can try reminding her of the good times both of you had. A friendship of many years cannot be broken in a few days. There is a way to clear out every misunderstanding. I hope she will understand your point but remember, do not pester her. Once you have made your point clearly, step back and give her space and time to think about it. If you keep pleading again and again, it might irritate her. Good luck!



Roopa asked, i feel i am oversexed and always feel HOT whenever my husband friends visit our place, In fact i am in love with one of them


Prachi Vaish answers, Dear Roopa, this means that your husband is unable to satisfy you sexually and therefore you are excited when you see other men. You are not in love with his friend, it is just sexual attraction which has the potential to destroy your life and your family. So you have to be very careful. If you want more excitement in your sex life then talk to your husband to make things more adventurous for both of you. Both of you can read erotica, invent games in the bedroom and find new ways to excite each other every time. I think this will take care of your sexual needs.



shk asked, my father is a typical person..always thinks opposite to wht other family members think...stays apart from us...uses vulgar can we tackle him?


Prachi Vaish answers, Dear shk, have you been able to find a reason for his behavior? Is he an alcoholic by any chance? If not, then has this behaviour persisted over three to five years? Apart from the vulgar language and going against the family does he also suspect that people are out to harm him in some way? Does he suspect everyone? Does he prefer to always stay alone? Has his work performance deteriorated? If the answer to all these questions is yes then you must consult a good psychiatrist as soon as possible. I'm assuming your father would be between 50-60 years old. Any further delay would only worsen the situation. The psychiatrist, with appropriate psychological assessment would be able to find out exactly where the problem lies and provide suitable medication. Do not worry. It will NOT have any side effects except for making your life more peaceful.:-)



divya asked, Hi Prachi, I am a working woman. My father in law is creating lots of disturbances. He is very dominating.whatever decision he takes we have to accept that. for these reasons in our house there is no peace. He is not ready to listen anybody. It affects my professional life also. Please help me out.


Prachi Vaish answers, Dear Divya, I understand how difficult your situation must be. Have you tried speaking to your mother-in-law? What does she think? Maybe she also feels the same way but is hesitant to take the first step. You can also try explaining things calmly to your husband and all of you as a family should sit down and have a discussion without making your father-in-law feel cornered. You can also try approaching a family counselor. As far as your work performance is concerned, try to push the tensions out of your mind when you leave for work. Take it as an opportunity to get away from all the tension for a few hours and give it your best by immersing yourself in it Your work should be your solace till you can sort out things at home. When you leave your home for work say to yourself, "today my work is my priority and I will let NOTHING affect it" You can try to cheer up your workspace by bright posters and photos.



rahul_roy asked, I want to ditch my gf, whats the simplest way to avoid her???


Prachi Vaish answers, Well Rahul, the best way to break up with your girlfriend would be to be honest with her and tell her that its just not working out. She would curse you for a while but it would be better than to be cursed for life if you just abandon her. I hope you r able to do it :-)

Suvendu asked, Hi Prachi, I like one girl so much. Everytime I love to see her, want to talk with her. Is it infatuation or love?


rachi Vaish answers, Well Suvendu, does she also feel the same way about you? By the way, are you between the age group of 13-20? if yes, then wait for sometime before you categorise it as love or attraction. If you love meeting her and talking to her then continue to do so. When you are sure that she also feels the same way about you and that it runs deeper than physical attraction, then both of you can discuss your relationship and take it to the next level. Unfortunately, there is no test to ensure if there is blood running in your veins :-)



Kalpesh asked, i hv gf our relation is good....whenever i am try to talk her about get married..she do not want to talk ...why i don't for few days she is not talking to me give me solution...........


Prachi Vaish answers, Well Kalpesh, it is possible that she does not want to discuss marriage at this point of your relationship. Maybe it is too soon or maybe till now you do not have everything she wants her husband to have. So the solution to this is that you sit down with her and say that you will not talk about marriage unless she wants to. Also ask her if there are any changes she would like in your relationship.



Ami asked, Prachi, i am married and love my husband and he also loves me a lot. but our fight doesn't stop. Both of have strong ego and get angry very soon and have mood swings!. but we know that we love each a lot and are good by heart... i don't know how to stop our fights?


Prachi Vaish answers, Dear Ami, you have mentioned 'mood swings'. Do you and your husband both have them? And do they vary by season or time of the day? If yes, then you can see a psychologist and he/she can run some tests and find out if there is a problem. Also you can get your personality profiling done. Sometimes despite being in love, we are not able to understand why things go wrong. That happens because personalities do not match or both of you have low frustration tolerance which makes it difficult to maintain your calm.



jacqueline asked, hi prachi, wanted to know if clinical psychologist is different from psychological counselling and how.


Prachi Vaish answers, Hi Jacqueline, no they are not essentially different. A clinical psychologist provides psychological counseling and also specialise in psychometric testing. It is not necessary that a counselor be a clinical psychologist. He/she might have taken training in their particular field of counseling and not practised psychology per se.



-- Prachi is a clinical psychologist with Ruby Hall Clinic, Pune. She holds a Master's degree in Clinical Psychology and Psychopharmacology and has worked with Nirvan Neuropsychiatric Hospital and De-addiction Center, Lucknow. In addition to her regular practice, Prachi has substantial voluntary experience as Cadet Counsellor at National Defense Academy, Khadakvasla, Pune. She has also worked as project co-coordinator with United Nations Office of Drugs and Crime.

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