Home > Get Ahead > Living > Relationships
What puts me off on a date
Merril Diniz |
February 14, 2006
Let's face it. If a woman doesn't like you, no matter how much of designer aftershave you use, how many credit cards you flash or how many fat, red roses you place on her doorstep, it isn't going to make her change her mind (with exceptions of course).
Valentine's Day Specials
But how can you tell if she likes you, in the first place? What are the things that guys do which can nip any potential romance in the bud?
Heed the signs
First, she'll drop subtle hints.
For instance, she will keep giving you rather vague excuses about why she can't meet you -- a cousin is visiting from out-of-station, she is working late, she is not feeling too well etc etc etc. If she makes excuses three times in a row and doesn't bother to call you back, the message is pretty clear -- she's just not interested, buddy.
First date? A time of terror!
You will only aggravate the situation by continuing to call her -- her tolerance for you will soon turn to dislike. Bow out gracefully -- at least she will respect you for it.
If she says something to the effect of 'I really like you but I would like to be just friends' -- she could be trying to convey that you are not her type.
Images: Love around the world
Another tactic she may use is to drop the names of other chaps who are showing an interest in her. However, this one is trickier as it could also mean she is trying to make you jealous.
I remember once dating this chap who seemed interesting. He was funny, intelligent, nice-looking etc. But when we went out of dinner, I realised he had a really serious saliva issue.
Every time he opened his mouth, whilst chomping on his food his saliva flew in various directions. A little blob fell on my arm -- that was the final straw. I was grossed out and never met him again.
Then there was this blind date that my good friend C set up for me. She kept going on about this nice, single chap, whom I shall christen as D, a guy from my own community and whom I must absolutely meet. It was a coffee date, with C as chaperone (or so I thought). He had a moustache. Personally I don't dig that (shallow but true). C and D made inconsequential small talk for a bit and then C…fled!
I was a mortified. Here was a chap with:
a. A moustache
b. Lots of small talk
It gets worse. He soon cut to the chase; he mentioned that he was settled career-wise and was now looking to get married. What was my situation with relation to marriage? Was I seeing someone? Had I had any relationships? A casual blind date turned into as inquisition!
I lost interest, instantly. And it wasn't the moustache that put me off.
On a first date, keep it light guys, or you'll have her sprinting away.
Another time, I met this conventionally good-looking chap who asked me out. Six feet tall, good skin, wicked smile, grey eyes, hot bod -- stuff that makes many a girl swoon, at least initially. We went to the local pub for a drink. He kept tilting his head in that typical fashion, which many self-help guides prescribe as positive dating body language. He also had an easy-going style that puts you at ease and is endearing… for about 10 minutes. During the next one hour I gauged that he was clearly boring. When guys think that good looks can conquer all, they are being plain naïve.
Another common dating scenario -- what is the plan of action for the date? Indecisiveness is tedious. Have concrete suggestions in mind when asking your girl out. If it's dinner, have some specific restaurants in mind. Just a little planning and research is all it takes.
Other turn-offs include showing off your gadgets, money, credit cards etc and talking too much, especially about yourself.
Can you take rejection?
Of course, even if you do everything right, she may still not relate to you.
My worst date!
There was this one chap who called me a 'fat slob' because I would not go out with him again (and with good reason). If a girl doesn't want to be with you, don't take it so personally or let your self-esteem plummet. Rejections are just part of the dating game. Take it in your stride and move on.
So, good luck guys and happy wooing!
What really puts YOU off during a date?
What is the worst dating experience you have ever had?
What are the top turn-offs in a potential partner?
Post your relationship rants
Illustration by Uttam Ghosh