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Sex and the City

Shobhaa De | February 14, 2005

Blame it on the city. Go on... you've found the perfect escape route. A hard-to-challenge alibi. The city is awful. It induces stress. There's no time. God, how tiring life has become. The pollution levels sap all energy. How can anyone think of sex with all the noise? Where's the privacy? The neighbours practically live in your pocket. After commuting forever, all you can think of is cuddling your pillow. Socialising is supposed to be fun, but hey, when was the last time you enjoyed yourself at a party? Great sex needs great commitment -- where do you find that rare and precious commodity in this ghastly urban jungle?

Weekend sex? Yes, sounds like a good idea -- but what about the kids' cricket camp, weekly grocery shopping, parties, pedicures, in-laws's visits, doctor's appointments, laundry, spring-cleaning, dog grooming, movies? Come on, with so much on the plate, who has the time for sex?

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If any or all of this sounds familiar, drop whatever you are doing and give your marital sex life serious thought. Do you enjoy sex with your partner? Do you participate actively, eagerly? Do you look forward to it? Does it matter to you whether or not you have it? Do you track the frequency and worry about declining statistics? Are you comfortable enough with your partner to discuss your feelings on the subject? Has sex become just another marital duty to be performed with the sort of regularity you keep for dental check-ups? If any of this sounds a bit too close to the truth, then a review is overdue. Don't blame the city. Blame yourself. Of course urban life isn't easy. And of course you fight everyday to stay on top of things. But if sex has become a low priority area in your crowded life, it's time to take stock and reorganise a few things.

Make no mistake about it -- sexual compatibility is perhaps the strongest, most enduring bond in any marriage. Most times it gets undervalued, only because the subject of sex itself is so threatening. Couples rarely 'discuss' sex -- they just have it. I believe it's important to articulate how you feel about this very delicate, yet powerful area of your life together. If you are not in sync in this zone, chances are the incompatibility will colour several other areas without your even knowing it.

Excerpted with the publisher's permission from Spouse: The Truth About Marriage by Shobhaa Dé, published by Penguin India, Rs 250.


Spouse: The Truth About Marriage

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Illustration: Uttam Ghosh

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Number of User Comments: 7

Sub: Shobha De is horrible

Its one of the most agonisingarticles I have ever read. I think rediff definitely needs to do something to improve its standards and stop gossipping ...

Posted by Nilesh Goradia

Sub: Is she for real???

Parties, pedicures, DOG-GROOMING !!?? In middle-class India ? She's got to be kidding us ! This woman is a joke !! And Rediff? Pray, why ...

Posted by jcp

Sub: Shoba de is HOPELESS

Shoba de is HOPELESS

Posted by Saba

Sub: sex and marrage

now a days all people are thinking about sex only.but in my knowledge that is one part of our life only.not a full life

Posted by koteswararao

Sub: You\'re wrong there...

Sorry Madam, sexual compatibility is NOT the strongest bond in a family...

Posted by sangita


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